help-forget past

Hello Tempy,

I can understand the situation you are in. It is quite embarrassing when the husband does not act maturely. I am afraid, it is very difficult to make them realise this. They will never understand.

so it is better u need to handle this situation carefully and smartly. Now the thing which is good is that, u are away from all his relatives. So this is a big advantage on your side. So try to take advantage of this situation. Instead of trying to blame at his relatives, try to act u are considerate about them even if u are not) . May be just trying to call them, in your husbands presence. And by doing this, you try to gain confidence of your husband. And try to spend some good time, doing whatever u both like together, like either seeing places, or sports or cooking. Hope this will make u find something which is common in you and try to bond in other ways. This way, u need to utilise the time, when u are away from all the problems to make a good base for your relationship.

Once that is done, either u can slowly convince him to stick to his present job, where there is no need for u to stay with his family. Or even in worst case , if u move back, i guess, u would have had some basic understanding. This hopefully should make him more understanble and caring towards to you.

But donot ever think -ve now. You need to think of present and not the past. Please try to be +ve and work on the relationship now, when u are away . Be cheerful and happy and hope everything will be ok.

I wish you all the best.

This is just a suggestion, u can think abt it.

 

It is time to change this rotten husband. No point in wasting your life with someone who prefers to watch TV than spending time with you.

As far as making him and his relatives realize their mistake - it is very easy. File an IPC 498 case in India, he and his whole family would be sent to prison within a matter of days. And then they will fall on your feet, and you can tell them all your conditions.

Good luck

 

Dear Shruthi
You may be a law graduate from one of the best law schools and I admire your sound knowledge in law.But why are you always sooooo keen in sending husbands and inlaws to prison or making them run around the courts?You seem to give the same response to any problem related to husband or inlaws.You are not helping anybody by such suggestions but just adding fuel to the fire.If you are married I really pity your husband cos he should be prepared to go behind the bars at the drop of a hat.I am sorry for being rude but most of the ladies discuss their problems expecting some sensible solutions and I am really sorry to say you are just helping yourself by showing your knowledge in law.I know I am being very rude but such suggestions can make matters worse for a person who is depressed .There is always light at the end of a tunnel so divorce is not the option for every fight or problems we face in our marriage.The suggestions given should make them feel better and not aggravate their anger or frustration.I am sorry again

 

Hi tempy72

I beleive u r living near by new york ask ur hubby to visit new york .I know when he is not ready for walkin then how he'll be ready for new york. For that evreryday make diffrent dishes(if he is foodie). when he comes from office offer him tea try take care of all of his need (even small ones) so he 'll get depend on . Try to always looks good (I mean whenever he is at home or he comes from office).In short do lots of pampring of him so may be he'll less remeber his side & imp thing whenever he is talking India always talk with everbody wheather it's ur mil(this will go right in his heart).Please do not think I'm talking immaturaly but I also have some experience in this matter.Just try to lure ur hubby on ur side.

good luck
Saheli

 

Dear Tempy,
i knew well in which mood you are in...i know you hate them the most...RantRant
what you should do is,take him to lovely place,enjoy with him to the
most & then tell him that you want to be like this forever,like always
wants to hold your hand,want your full love to me,i love you so
much,like this lots of loving words,please control yourself & avoid
talking about them...this is the lovely time you have got to express your love towards him,show pure love,cook to his taste,dress according to his taste,you have to change his mind that he should feel to live with you alone:kiss....instead of telling about them,you start telling about your baby,i want a lovely kid like you,i have lots of plan like this you have to talk dear.....please pray god with full heart,by god's grace you have got a nice opportunity,please use it.....i know itz easy to advice,but the same situation i faced,initial days in UK i was like you only talk with only the past,but my mom adviced me to change according to my hubby's interest.......please think calmly & try which is the best for you,fighting with your hubby for useless talks or going to lead a very happy life wiht your hubby,choice is yours,all the best.:thumbsup
we are here to hear ur probs' if you have any close friend,please tell her what all your mil did,u need to drain out the anger or whatever running on your mind,instead of fighting with hubby talk with your friend or share ur probs in IL,write everything in your mind in IL then you'll feel relax....pray to go ,spend more time,if you feel like crying,please cry infront of god,he won't tease you,hurt or he won't tell to others,play with kids,enjoy music,talk with friends,do some hand works,defl'y you'll see the difference..oh iam sorry i have written a long letter.;-)

 

Ok Ladies my thoughts...

I saw IL was something like a rescue for the ladies single or married or separated ..those who dont want to share their issues or feelings with tehir parents or siblings or friends or neighbours...they come here share it with unknown people and there by get solution atleast some people who can empathize with teh situation they are in....

So Yes everyone has right to suggest what they feel is right....BUT

For every problem or situation Separation /discussion on Draging husband and inlaws to court by using some law is not the SOLUTION...and if someone is giving the same solution over and over again ...We can try to tell them softly and if the same thing continues naturally we would want to shut them off...(I feel this is more of the personal problem of Shrutiv05..either she --(I doubt if this is really a lady) or her parents or her relatives might have been dragged to court with this case a true or false one might be..so she is trying to take her anger out in this way..this is what I feel...because no lady lawyer would be so vindictive in her replies to the kind of posts we see here

PS: I said Shrutiv05 may not be a lady based on "It is time to change this rotten husband. No point in wasting your life with someone who prefers to watch TV than spending time with you" ..I personally think no women would just say change the husband etc...if they have that attitude they wont come here to IL..they can as well calmly change the husbands..

Shrutiv05...I dont know whether you are hurt or feeling bad about something you have gone through or seen or faced..however I beleive separation or taking revenge is always not the solution..if that was the case the whole world would have been upside down...( I Agree in extreme situationsof physical / mental abuse but not for situations where understanding / communication is lacking) ..As I said its easy to leave the husband / wife saying we didnt like the way they are....but did we ever try the same with our parents or siblings....???so give the husbands / wives the time to understand and forgive and forget the faults just the way you do with your parents...

Remember..TO RECEIVE LOVE....GIVE LOVE
TO RECEIVE FORGIVENESS..GIVE FORGIVENESS
TO RECEIVE UNDERSTANDING...GIVE UNDERSTANDING
TO BE HEARD...WE HAVE TO HEAR OUT
TO BE RECOGNISED...RECOGNISE OTHERS FOR WHAT THEY ARE


so if you want anything...give that...sure you shall receive it back...

 

hi
i support kavya and capricon 100% on this,especially about on opposing shruti's views
this reminds me of an incident.........that happened to one of my cousin....my cousin sister was a law graduate .........and so during a conversation....she mentioned about this law about ipc 498 to her sister jovially while her husband was present........this really instigaged his ego......and there relationship was so rocky for the
next 1 yr just because he thought as though they r blackmailing him.......he even went to the point of divorce and eventually
was convinced by elders in the family, and my cousin sister has to apologize finally.....so,never ever
talk even casually with your husbands about these law ,just because you saw them in these forums...and i hope no one is so immature here.
thought adding this,would be a valuable advice for this forum.......anywayz, shruti (i too have the suspicsion that you may not be lady),you got to stop using these laws in this form again and again....as i have really seen the fate of the girl's and her family, who has been instigated to file cases like these.........