Help - DH and I not getting along!

Bad situation indeed . When there is so much hatred in the relationship due to whatever reasons is it worthwhile to suffer ? And waste your time and energy on it ?
Ask your DH his views on the scenario.What changes does he want you to make ? Does he really want to repair the rift or its just an excuse to blame you for everything ?
Do you have kids ?
Keep your bank account separate .At least you are working and can take care of yourself if things dont improve, you also have parents who will stand by you.

 

Since u r in USA, why cann't you two visit the marriage counsellor and discuss things out.
Try to save the marriage, later you should not regret..

 

I think sister gave some feeds about you to him.. may be jealousy.. r u more beautiful than her? !!

if you DH was not on your side that time , definitely it shows that he s mamas boy and listens to him family only. marriage shd happen only when there is 100% assurance about relationships. sorry for you dear.

look how they are getting happiness n spoiling your relationship!!

Sounds devilish dear

i think you are making problem go worst by talking. try to keep quiet. ue DH needs silent treatment!

this is horrible situation for you. he is not a humanbeing. heartless ma.

idhu pakka vetti pechu. these words have no sense.

i think then you have to make some drama. say YES to whatever he says. his ego will be boosted. then finally he will listen what you say. if he says anything about your family, why do you get upset. its your and your DH s matter. dont bring families inside. if he says bad about your family, who is the loser? no one. he himself. so leave it. if you are strong , he will also be strong saying he doesnt want to hear u saying bad abt his family. stop speaking abt families. make a promise that you will never speak a word about anyone other than your DH. FOR NOW. good luck.

 

The outline of your situation is like mine, even my pre marriage situations suffered this issues.But they happend on a small scale n we chose to ignore them only to find out my inlaws planned to take revenge of it after my marriage.

Just like yours my husband used to tell me " If you change then situations will also automatically change" I did change finally but situations got worse so thats Y im here now fighting for my divorce.Now I dont regret my decision of judging him a freak under his mom's spell.Cos i mentally suffered to the extreme.

I dont hope that even if you submit your max self for his actiona & words or even ignore him he will not have an empathy for you.He will just take it as "I was ur choice to listen to me , i didnt compell you" n at the end of the day u r paranoid thinig that "Y the hell i am doing this if this not softening him" You might not get the love you want.I am saying this as a part of my own experience cos my ex behaved the same way when his mom was against me.They too insulted n humiliated my parents.

Try talking to him in calm mind ,or try emotional world to soften him and tell him not to misunderstand you when in anger cos its him who provokes you.Are you having kids?Doed he want a child with you?Please try to find out cos that's their weapon of making their wifes in control, cos motherhood needs man to be very supportive.

I hope You take the right decision and pls pray cos God' alone knows what you are going through but dont hesitate in taking your parent's opinion on this and finally decide what your heart fels best, also what is practically good for you i nthe future.One thing i learned is love will never go wasted cos there is somewhere the right person for you who is waiting to love you more than you love him, so dont go negatiuve on your issue and decide what is best for you with God's and parents help.I am sure will not regret your decision if you take any step.Goof luck!Take care!

 

Sometimes things get so messy, even if you want to sit, talk and fix everything, you won't know where to start and where to end and what all issues to address. If that is the case, its better you discuss with your H that its better to simply leave the past and start afresh and this time not to bring in either sets of parents into your arguments or fights. Just you and him - love or hate - cuddle or fight - just you and him. Make sure you and your H are cordial at the least when it comes to dealing with either sets of families. That should make matters simple.

 

Puni88 is right...keep your self calm and quiet and show him by your silence that u dont approve of his actions and that he is going wrong sumwhere , if there is a change in him and he shows a concern for things then u have a a good chance to save this marriage.Just be strong! I pray to God that ur problems get over as soon as possible.Take Care!

 

Hi Neha,

His overall hate and hostility is on YOU........yes, on YOU only. Why does he abuses your parents verbally, who are actually thousands of miles away from you and him ? It is simply to enrage you more and more. He wants to see you in distress. By abusing your parents verbally, maximum distress can be brought to you. That is why he does it.

Obviously, it is an ultimate provocation. You also have retaliated back by verbally abusing his parents. If this 'tit for tat' verbal duel goes on again and again, soon , your hate and feelings of hostility on him also will be as powerful and strong as his feelings of hate and hostility on you.

You and him have to sit together, introspect, if possible in front of a respected third person.........or , preferably a Marital Councellor.............and try to stop building up the Hate Castle. If you and him stop building up hatred.............then neutral feelings will arise.................then, after much time only, mutual good will and love will evolve.

Right now, your marriage is in the utmost bad shape.......in a crux of 'hostility begets hostility' situation.

 

Dear Neha,

I am sorry to hear about your situation dear .This parent bashing thing is in there with early yrs of marriage...and most of them are influenced by his parents in intilal yrs of marriage.It will change with yrs..If this marriage is important to you and you love this guy hang in there .you can tell her clearly when both of you are in a clear mood that you do not appreaciate talking bad about your parents just like you do not talk about his (though u have a lot to say ) .Well does whatever your husband say really change who your parents really are or what you feel for them .Not really rt.Do not get provacated .I know this is hard

It is really foolish to send all your hard earnings to your inlaws:bonk . If your husbnad doesnt understand, no problem save yours in a separate account .You are working 10 hrs / day you need some nest to fall upon to support yourselves (esp when you say you were made to go to India for an yr ) I am hoping that you both are going to have a wonderfull life to gether.But God forbid there are issues in future you need some money to support yourselves...Besides it is unfair to be not able to buy anything even though you are earning.I can understand couples making budgets and spending wisely...but here its all going to inlaws :bonkthink about it..take a wise decision