Hello

EagerForInfo · Jun 5, 2023

DDream said: ↑

I dont suggest anyone to continue in a marriage of violence and physical abuse. Its not good for kids or anyone. Next time call 911. Be prepared.
We can try to be the queen of our kingdom or similar if physical abuse is not there. We have to be alive for it.
Nothing is more important than your own life. You have to be alive to take care of your kids. Your h is elevating abuse because there is no consequence. Call 911 next time. May be that will give him a much needed shock. Record abuse. Getting a divorce or going seperation is another issue. That is totally your decision. Do it only when you are ready.
Safety should be your top priority now. Your life is your responsibility. If you cant protect you, how can you protect your kids.

Op should read again the replies on her posts especially on how to get professional help. As members of this site, we can empathize, provide moral support, listen and guide, but only she can help her, thats our limitation. She need to build a support system of friends and families or professionals. I dont understand why op cant seek professional help. Her own job EAP provide free support on those aspects. Talk to your collegues to learn more on it and friends for emotional support. If she cant love or respect her no body else can.
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How to record the abuse. ??

EagerForInfo · Jun 5, 2023

This is a major life decision. It takes thought and planning before proceeding with divorce. That is the reason for the posts. After all we don’t come in contact with divorced people to know what the life is like.

I’m just confused. As this is not planned. Or expected. But I do want to get out of this hell. But when we’re leaning towards that suddenly u remember the days he is good and start wondering wait … was it just a bad day ? Or were the good days all fake.

It just doesn’t make sense. WHY WOULD A PERSON BEHAVE THIS WAY ?? Am I misunderstanding. Was it something I did ? Didn’t do ? My kids shouldn’t have to pay for a mistake I did. .
Things like that.
Yes like one of the responses mentioned unless you are in our shoes u won’t know the confusion and panic we’re going through.
One thing I agree on is his behavior in s wrong. No matter what the reason is.

But it is hard to believe a person “could” behave this way.

lavani · Jun 5, 2023

EagerForInfo said: ↑

This is a major life decision. It takes thought and planning before proceeding with divorce. That is the reason for the posts. After all we don’t come in contact with divorced people to know what the life is like.

I’m just confused. As this is not planned. Or expected. But I do want to get out of this hell. But when we’re leaning towards that suddenly u remember the days he is good and start wondering wait … was it just a bad day ? Or were the good days all fake.

It just doesn’t make sense. WHY WOULD A PERSON BEHAVE THIS WAY ?? Am I misunderstanding. Was it something I did ? Didn’t do ? My kids shouldn’t have to pay for a mistake I did. .
Things like that.
Yes like one of the responses mentioned unless you are in our shoes u won’t know the confusion and panic we’re going through.
One thing I agree on is his behavior in s wrong. No matter what the reason is.

But it is hard to believe a person “could” behave this way.
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Did you go for the therapy and counselling and if possible medicine as suggested multiple times by multiple members.

if not , you are just wasting time and adding more pages to this POST.

chanchitra · Jun 6, 2023

EagerForInfo said: ↑

But it is hard to believe a person “could” behave this way.
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Such men do exist . He is not going to change. Are you really financially independent.?
What's stopping you from calling 911 when he hits you?
Above post is from a woman in H4 EAD in US.
Every single comment said her to call 911 and put his sorry ass in jail.

DDream · Jun 6, 2023

EagerForInfo said: ↑

How to record the abuse. ??
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Consult attorney. They will help you.

EagerForInfo · Jun 13, 2023

In my case also he is saying I’m provoking him. I never said anything wrong. Last time it was about kids tv. I asked them to turn it off. He came running down saying I’m provoking him. When I said my words are not words that would provoke someone unless under the influence of drugs he also beat me brutally for 30 minutes chasing me around the house. Is this a disorder or something.
Another reason I feel confused is he is a people person. We live close to numerous cousins of his. They all say he is a great person and I have never heard one complaint about him. If I hint at abuse they look at me and remind me I’m an outsider.
So again u start wondering is it a one time or a bad day kind of thing.

Yes I am sorry for adding on to this post. But this is an important decision to make.

He is a great dad too .

Seems like his only problem is with me.
I just don’t get it.

ProudIndian · Jun 13, 2023

Op

even if its one time it is big crime to hurt anyone. You said you are US citizen and earning. Why are you taking this abuse. God forbid if he hit you harder next time and you become bedridden who will take care of you and your kids? When husband provoke does wife hit husband? You should have gone to doctor or keep some record for your case.

Did your kid watch it? I am very sorry for your situation. Build courage and don't take any non sense from anyone.

NOW · Jun 13, 2023

EagerForInfo said: ↑

he also beat me brutally for 30 minutes chasing me around the house. Is this a disorder or something.
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Are you asking this question for real?

lavani · Jun 13, 2023

EagerForInfo said: ↑

In my case also he is saying I’m provoking him. I never said anything wrong. Last time it was about kids tv. I asked them to turn it off. He came running down saying I’m provoking him. When I said my words are not words that would provoke someone unless under the influence of drugs he also beat me brutally for 30 minutes chasing me around the house. Is this a disorder or something.
Another reason I feel confused is he is a people person. We live close to numerous cousins of his. They all say he is a great person and I have never heard one complaint about him. If I hint at abuse they look at me and remind me I’m an outsider.
So again u start wondering is it a one time or a bad day kind of thing.

Yes I am sorry for adding on to this post. But this is an important decision to make.

He is a great dad too .

Seems like his only problem is with me.
I just don’t get it.
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can you please go for a therapist (WHO is specialist in ) narcissistic personality disorder - living with a NPD . and pyschiatrist for medication .

can you please do that.

just do it. you are clearly under trauma bonding. that is why nothing or no advise makes sense for you. You are just living under a fake reality.

PLEASE JUST BOOK APPOINTMENT.

lavani · Jun 13, 2023

NOW said: ↑

Are you asking this question for real?
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@EagerForInfo
OP , PLEASE BOOK APPOINTMENT.

ALL this advise is very very good. But it will not make any sense when you are in that fog , truama bonding state.

do not spend time online. there is not new words you will get. Do not delay you might end up hurting yourself in some dangerous ways.