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Hello to all my new friends........

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by shellysingh, Apr 30, 2010.

  1. shellysingh

    shellysingh New IL'ite

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    :cheersHi, My all new dear friends.
    I used to read all ur threads and that's why thought to become member becoz find out that sharing here is really good and advices given r valuable.
    :)
    I have been married for 7 years now and mine was love cum arranged marriage.Everything is cool and I understand all the adjustments and need to do sacrifices and then also to live life happily as I am very positive minded person.
    But now i realised that there r certain things that u need to take advice for....so here I am.
    My Dh is perfect guy and loves me alsot.We get well along with each other very well......but after marriage I realised that diffrence in family atmospheres matter alot.
    My Dh get very very well along with my family and I talk everyday to my family members as i was very loved and pamperd child and got every support and love to fullfill my desires of life,but,on the otherhand I am equally responsible daughter inlaw for my family.
    From last 3 years we r living abroad away from our family...our relations r well with my inlaws famiy.My family is very open minded then my inlaws family....
    Now here is the isssue........My inlaws never call us here....my Dh always gives call to them and even i used to do this ...even when i was preggie...but i expected only one thing that they should give me one single call after my baby's birth.........as we r independent couple ,we decided not to call anyone from our families..as my own family becoz of health issue and inlaws purposefully....My Dh took care of me very well.We managed evrything very positively.....on the day of delivery My Dh calle dthem and given news and aftre some hours even i had a talk with them.......but after that day they have not given any single call to me .my Dh used to speak to them after every 15 days........so even I thought ,that i will also will not talk till they themselves say.....And this happened after 6 months...This feeling hurts me alot.......
    My Dh say U have no right to expect as u know we r younger and they r our parents......They say they do not have ISd,Mobile.......but i say they have Std near by.......but all in vain........This feeling is not going away from my heart......My inlaws family side(mil,fil)(bil and co-sis in different city becoz of job) and we r overseas.........Tell me guys if i expected wrong..............:idea
     
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  2. sarma

    sarma Senior IL'ite

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    It's not uncommon and in hind sight not a big deal.
     
    Last edited: Apr 30, 2010
  3. vaishnavidurga

    vaishnavidurga New IL'ite

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    Hi Shelly

    Good to know you. You seem to be very binding with the family. You are surely not expecting anything too much. But they are just in-laws. Not your parents. But i don mean they are not concerned about you. They would just prefer to know about you and the happenings over your place but wont be longing to speak to you as your parents . Thats the difference.

    Even i had faced the similar thing. My husband had called them to say that i have conceived. But they didnt talk to me for about 4 months (they did not even wish me ). Then i had invited them home after 5 months and they were talking fine. Then i came to know the reality.

    So u dont get emotional dear. " Do as you would be done by ". Thats the truth.:)
     
  4. shellysingh

    shellysingh New IL'ite

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    Thanks for ur reply dear.........
    i'm really thinking on it.
     
  5. shellysingh

    shellysingh New IL'ite

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    The feeling in me is this .....that in all these years i tried my best to do for them....aring there feelings ,doing things according to them whenever at inlaws place....and still when i was operated by an emergency procedure and my baby was in nursery for about 2 months ..my mil never called me by herself or by taking her own initiative.....they did not sent us any gifts or any thing....i know they will give us money gift whenever we go there .....but i felt hurted becoz i thought it was once and only time for inlaws when they should ask about our health......my parents went there to there place and did all ceremony or gifting thing........i can talk this to u guys onl as i am not speaking up my feelings to anybody elase as i do not want that becoz of my felings anyone in my family should feel hurted.......but i am very much hurted......i do not why...i always try to be positive about this...My Dh says expect from ur Dh not from them.......but I think why?Don't we have any relations with my inlaws.....wheneverything is fine...........I always used wish them on there birthdays but in return.....why they did not considered that special time of mine..........:idea
     
  6. parvathi1980

    parvathi1980 Platinum IL'ite

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    hi shellysingh,
    u seem to have encountered this prob very late in ur marriage...that way u r lucky! Actually from wat i have seen all in laws are like that. My in laws are also the same. Don't worry too much about it. It hurts but we cannot do anything about it.
    Learn to ignore them the way they r ignoring you. It is tough to understand why but most in laws will show more concern for their neighbors and distant relatives than their own dil and grandchildren. oh but they will love their daughter's kids a lot!
     
  7. lotusgirl

    lotusgirl Senior IL'ite

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    Congrats on your baby..

    coming to the issue, i am not taking your sadness lightly, but seriously this is not about you...
    like you yourself said, each family atmosphere is different.
    This is not becuase they are your inlaws.. its because just the way they are.. They have a different relation to phones and keeping in touch from what you and your parents are used to.
    Corect me if i am wrong, but nowhere in your post did i read that they treat your DH differntly.. the calls to him are also nonexistent? and this has been the situation from the time you know them? So whats changed now??
    you feeling sad they havent started calling you because you have a child/their grandchild? Arent they keeping the same relationship balance they have towards their Son/your DH? So why the sudden new expectation from you?
    You do get along well with them, so why do you want to change that just because they havent changed when you exopected them to? you were adjusted to this life for this many years , so dont ruin it by playing mind games..
    to be honest they might not even realise why you are avoiding them in calls..
    If you really really cant get over this, tell them openly..else please go back to your old self with them.. Dont ruin a good thing when you have it!
    Just reminding you to remember what you yourself know .. each family is differnt. accept them for what they are and then you are fine!!
     

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