1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Liked anything that you read here? You may nominate it as the Finest Posts!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  5. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Health and Marriage

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Tridev, Jun 5, 2010.

  1. Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,284
    Likes Received:
    28
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Male
    I am of the opinion that " We should marry once" but when we think of factors like isoliation, lonliness and other human needs(social, physical) it is not easy to live an single life.

    A bad marriage can have its own effect on emotional and physical wellbeing, so that means a healthy marriage or relation will have good effect on overall wellbeing of a person too.

    I was reading an article on TOI which brought this thought to my mind, that should one just stay single after divorce or get married again . In the article a psychiatrist lays down some benefits of healthy marriage. And how some people as old as 75 have got married again and derived benefit on health.

    I want to open this discussion to know what effect has marriage caused on your health be it emotional or physical. Have you felt drained out or rejuvinated?. Has remarriage(If remarried) helped you to gain what you had lost once in terms of happiness,well being ? Has remarriage helped you to forget the scars of bad relationship? Have you become a person you never thought you would become?

    The below article lays down some points which we can use to discuss too.

    Get married to stay healthy! - Man-Woman - Relationships - Life & Style - The Times of India



    [​IMG]
    Get married and be healthy! (Getty Images)


    We live a healthy life as long as we grow well. When growth slows down, we become old and when this growth stops totally, we die. In life, especially in married life, one has to share. The real purpose of marriage is not enjoyment or procreation, but to grow and share.

    Dr Rajiv Anand, Mumbai-based psychiatrist and marriage counsellor, says, “Every human being has to grow. And growth is possible only when one gets love and care. This happens when there is a steady flow of healthy emotions and certainty of its continuance, no threat of any kind whatsoever. This can happen only in marriage. Moreover, the medium of a healthy relationship is love, which is the best catalyst to help one grow.”

    Ramkishen, 75, was a widower and well-placed in society. Yet he felt lonely and looked for companionship. Despite opposition from his children, he tied the knot with a 65-year-old widow. Ever since the entry of that lady in Ramkishen’s life, his health has improved commendably. His medicine bills have gone down, and now he looks chirpy.

    Unnati lost her husband three years ago and was forced to live alone in Mumbai as her only son lives abroad. She had a host of problems, physical as well as mental -– depression, anxiety and fear psychosis. Lately, she got into a relationship and with counselling she could achieve great success. Today, she is settled in life with glow on her face and minimum visits to doctor.

    “One can enjoy best health when one grows optimally, be it man or woman, and that is where a healthy marriage becomes an important factor for one’s health. The most powerful impact it can have is to help you grow and stretch exponentially as a human being,” adds Dr Anand.

    Scientists have come to the conclusion that married people, on average, appear to be healthier and live longer than unmarried people. Studies have also shown that they are less likely to get diseases like pneumonia, develop cancer or heart attacks. In Sweden, researchers have found that married people have lower risk of dementia. In the Netherlands, it has been found that in virtually every category -- from violent deaths and road accidents to cancer -- the unmarried were at far higher risk than the married.

    Relationships add to the quality of our lives. They increase our horizons and perspectives, augment our resources and open opportunities to overcome challenges. The energy created from an authentic marital relationship carries us through the growth process so that we can emerge as stronger, healthier, better and wiser people.

    However, Dr Harish Shetty, psychiatrist, Dr L H Hiranandani Hospital, Mumbai, feels, “Marriage is traditionally believed to cause good health but not always. What helps is the bonding and may not come necessarily from marriage. Marriages that are difficult may actually destroy health. In a fast paced world, couples are not as relaxed as they were during the agrarian era. Being single may not mean being lonely but just alone. Many couples are married and yet lonely. Nourishment for the mind, body and soul may not necessarily come from marriage and can come from elsewhere.”

    Benefits of marriage
    * Married people have a lower rate of substance abuse and alcohol consumption than unmarried individuals. They have a much lower rate of suicides.
    * Feeling of emotional bonding with spouse strengthens immunity and thus prevents many diseases.
    * Feeling of being wanted and loved enriches one’s body with energy, empowers and strengthens it to cope with many health issues.
     
    Last edited: Jun 5, 2010
    Loading...

  2. Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,284
    Likes Received:
    28
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Male
    A new article published on msn which also states that Surprisingly, a traditional marriage, which recognises the male breadwinner/female homemaker roles, had the lowest divorce rate in the study, reports the Times.

    What makes a healthy, happy marriage? - *Relationships ? Lifestyle ? MSN India


    What makes a healthy, happy marriage?

    A new book has once again enlivened debate over marriage and marital life.

    [​IMG]



    A 30-year study on divorce in the US, by E. Mavis Hetherington, identifies five types of marriages, says the book entitled "For Better (For Worse): The Science of a Good Marriage".

    The cohesive marriage and the traditional marriage were most likely to be stable over time.

    However, Hetherington identified three styles of marriage - the pursuer-distancer, the disengaged marriage and the operatic marriage - that put couples at high risk for divorce, writes author Tara Parker-Pope.

    The cohesive/individuated marriage had the second lowest divorce rate.

    According to Hetherington: "The marriage functions as a refuge the husband and wife return to at the end of the day for renewal, support, affection, and companionship."
    [​IMG]



    Surprisingly, a traditional marriage, which recognises the male breadwinner/female homemaker roles, had the lowest divorce rate in the study, reports the Times.

    The success of a traditional marriage means both partners are happy with their role, perform it well and feel respected by the other partner.

    In pursuer/distancer marriages, Hetherington found that in 80 per cent of cases, the pursuer is a woman.

    She is keen to confront and discuss problems. The man typically is the one to withdraw, avoid confrontation, and assume the "distancer" role.
    [​IMG]



    In a common pursuer-distancer conflict, the wife will bring up a problem. The husband will try and avoid the discussion by reading the newspaper, turning on the television set, or just staring into space or at his food.

    Eventually, the distancer gets tired of the "nagging" and loses his cool. The pursuer also gets fed up and withdraws into herself.

    Contrastingly, disengaged marriages unite two self-sufficient individuals, "who fear or don't need intimacy to achieve a sense of well-being".

    Disengaged couples don't argue a lot; they usually don't need each other on a daily basis.

    The problem lies in the fact that partners in these marriages would have pretty much led the same life even if they were single: they lack mutual affection and support.
    [​IMG]



    By contrast, the operatic marriage is characterised by dramatic highs and lows.

    Here the pair is emotionally volatile and quarrelling often ends in bed.

    Hetherington says people in operatic marriages reported the highest level of sexual satisfaction among all of the marriage types analysed.

    Often these relationships end when one partner, typically the husband, decides the passion isn't worth the constant conflict.

    Another study analysed married couples over a three-year period.

    At the beginning of the study, the couples who rarely argued had the highest levels of marital happiness. They equated a happy marriage with low levels of conflict.

    But things changed after three years.
    [​IMG]



    The couples who argued a lot at the beginning of the study reported big increases in marital satisfaction.

    They had resolved many of their differences and were enjoying a contented, productive partnership.

    But many of the initially peaceful couples were headed for divorce. By staying quiet and avoiding conflict when things bothered them, they had missed important opportunities to cultivate and grow their relationship.

    A University of Texas at Austin study of 156 newly married couples revealed that disillusionment in the early part of the relationship was a powerful predictor for divorce.

    "For Better (For Worse): The Science of a Good Marriage" will be published by Vermilion on June 3.
    Source: ANI
     
    Last edited: Jun 6, 2010
  3. mithy232

    mithy232 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,663
    Likes Received:
    46
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    Very informative!

    I will go for a traditional marriage :)
     
  4. Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,284
    Likes Received:
    28
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Male
    Me too Mithy, it is best to go traditional. Also reading the below para made me think or reinforce my views on solo personalities, where one just cannot live with other no matter how nice they are otherwise. The pursuer-distancer as per me can be applicable to both genders

    In a common pursuer-distancer conflict, the wife will bring up a problem. The husband will try and avoid the discussion by reading the newspaper, turning on the television set, or just staring into space or at his food.

    Eventually, the distancer gets tired of the "nagging" and loses his cool. The pursuer also gets fed up and withdraws into herself.

    Contrastingly, disengaged marriages unite two self-sufficient individuals, "who fear or don't need intimacy to achieve a sense of well-being".

    Disengaged couples don't argue a lot; they usually don't need each other on a daily basis.

    The problem lies in the fact that partners in these marriages would have pretty much led the same life even if they were single: they lack mutual affection and support.

     
    Last edited: Jun 6, 2010
  5. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,921
    Likes Received:
    2,473
    Trophy Points:
    308
    Gender:
    Female
    I say traditional marriages turn from operatic marriage to pursuer-distancer conflict and finally end up as the disengaged marriage thats why they last and last.............. like mine !
     
  6. coolphani

    coolphani Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    228
    Likes Received:
    17
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Female
    Hey Tridev,

    Nice Post !!

    I feel/felt drained out. I have put on so much weight after marriage that I don't fit into any of my pre-marriage clothes. I am the same confident person but deep down I feel bad. When I consulted my Dr for the reason of my sudden weight gain, I told her no matter what I do I don't loose weight.
    She asked me point blank- do you have a happy marriage. I told her no, we have lots of issues. She said there you go you are stressed out, unless you do something about your stress you won't loose weight easily. It's not that am over-weight or obese but I'd like to get back to my pre-marriage weight.

    Migraines, bad headaches: Whenever we fight I tend to cry very badly and I end up with severe headaches, stomach-aches, etc etc. Sometimes I even end up with severe chest-pain.

    Emotionally I can't even describe what I go through ..I feel totally drained out.
     
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2010
  7. RadiantCat

    RadiantCat Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,724
    Likes Received:
    88
    Trophy Points:
    110
    Gender:
    Female
    Spot on CP. Not to forget the professional life's glitches. I attribute, health, professional life and every other facet to family life.

    I too gained weight, and migraine. Yes, whatever you do to reduce weight gained because of stress, anxiety and depression is extremely difficult.
     
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2010
  8. coolphani

    coolphani Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    228
    Likes Received:
    17
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Female
    I missed that part canwait. Thanks for bringing it up

    On professional front : Yes, I took a set-back.I gave up my full time position in FL and ended up as a consultant in DC because I wanted to move in with my husband. I earn more than what I used to but that doesn't matter, I loved my previous job more than the current one, it was more challenging and the environment was awesome.The main setback came in the form of my GC application. I left my GC midway in 2007 and started from scratch with my current employer. If I had continued with my previous employer, I would have had my EAD by now which would have increased my pay by leaps and bounds and I would have felt more job-secured. Whenever I have a quarrel with my DH it directly effects my work quality. I tend to miss meetings and deadlines, my work gets very sloppy , (not to mention the stupid team lead I have who misses no chance to get on my nerves.). I don't feel like working and I feel very stressed out to work on very basic requirements.
    When my DH gives me the silent treatment it affects my driving skills as well. I become very easily frustrated and tend to honk at the slightest opportunity. I turn into a very aggressive driver. But I am on the path to changing myself. Not letting my Dh's silent treatment affect my driving or my sleep pattern.
     
  9. RadiantCat

    RadiantCat Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,724
    Likes Received:
    88
    Trophy Points:
    110
    Gender:
    Female
    I know for sure how my marital sabotage has affected my career. I'd have been in a different role in a much better grade and pay-scale. Today I have to pickup the strings and with so much of emotional drainage even the most simplest work is an ordeal to me. I am doing better emotionally now in comparison to what was sometime ago.
     
  10. Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,284
    Likes Received:
    28
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Male
    CP I too have read at many places that stress causes many ailments and we at times are not sure or keep thinking what causes those . Such as heachaches, stomach upset , and insomnia among many others. Feeling blue and depressed has its own problems too on our mind and body.

    A bad marraige takes its toll on everything. Like you I have too felt drained out in the marriage and also we have to remember in marriage both of the parties will feel the same at some point, no matter how the other person is the toll of bad marriage equally closes on the other person too.
     

Share This Page