1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

headless stubborn Wife

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by manyamanya, Feb 25, 2008.

  1. manyamanya

    manyamanya New IL'ite

    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    Hi,
    I am sorry to take help of Indus Ladies and complain about my wife.

    As usual, while talking to my wife second time on phone from USA,
    she did not slept whole night when I was driving in FL(during heavy rain)

    I found her very caring and I insisted in marrying her.
    and when parents talked to each other, my in-Laws insisted me to come to India
    before marriage, but I said, I will not come, if you are interested
    I will directly come for marriage.

    after, several problems, we married and came to USA.

    I found my wife very stubborn and she does not listen to what I say.
    When I said I will talk to your father.
    when I talked her in big tone, she said she can go to India and live happily
    and even criticized me saying that we are more richer than ur parents,
    how dare you to complain to my father(3 daughters)
    my wife is first daughter and second daughter is studying MS in USA

    What I expected from my dream wife was someone who is
    Intelligent and caring.

    Later,she wanted to have kids, and she became pregnant,
    and when I started asking my wife to eat food on time, she never eats on time
    she takes breakfast around 11 AM, I feel very bad for that and scold her,.
    now I even stopped calling her from office.
    I expected her to be with minimum intelligence, she is headless.
    One day, when i asked her that we will go for honeymoon she insisted to gether sister with us.
    I told her its not honeymoon its excursion.
    I got many shocks like this later on...........

    After coming to USA, I lost all my dignity and importance with my wife's
    stupid questions and stubborn behavior in front of my relatives.

    I would have given chance to my wife and listened to her, but when she is not capable of taking decisons, I cannot rely on her.So, I stopped discussing about finances and other key decisons.

    last week when her sister (studying MS) came to our home, one of my relatives(my mothers sister) asked us to visit them
    so that they can show their home, my wife said she will not come, so, I scolded her and told her to be ready by the
    time I reach home.
    Once i went home, my sister-in-law and wife started shouting at me, and my wife complained to my SIL sayiing everytime these
    things happen to me and its regular

    finally we went for dinner in my relatives home, after coming home, my SIL started telling me not to talk to my wife in rough tone. I told her, dont interfer in our lives, you cannot judge ppl in 3 days and we are living very good.
    and they both started crying.

    now, my wife wanted to harass me with the pretext of her sister.
    After dropping my SIL in airport we reached home, from 8 PM to 2 AM my wife did not had anything. I pleaded my wife like anything
    at least, have milk, don't harm baby in your womb. she did not listened, i begged her, fallen in her legs and pleaded like anything

    but, still she did not listened, finally I took hair straighter and
    told her i will use it to burn my hand, then she took milk and prenatal vitamins

    next, day mooring there was Lunar eclipse,
    I helped my wife to get bath, clean and dry her hair and dressed my wife

    while going to office, i told my wife, for your sisters words, you had not listen to me even when i fell on your legs
    you need to tell sorry to me, OW i will not eat at home,

    my wife said, you need to tell sorry to my sister, not me, you had done wrong.

    Finally, I came around 12.30 mid night and my wife started crying and pleading me to eat
    I said, who am i to come in between you and your sister, I will send you to India (as she said she will go to India) and
    tell me where should i sign, i will sign on whatever paper you want. I will not eat.
    Then I called my mom and grandmother to India and they took oath to make my wife to have milk.
    after 30 minutes of talk, my wife had milk

    later, next day morning same story,my wife was adamant and telling me you are bad.

    then, I told her, your dad only said you are stubborn and even ur relatives told to my mom that ur stubbon after marriage

    she immediately called her parents and told them that I am beating her, folded her hands (I pleaded my wife by holding her hands and head)
    and wanted to give divorce

    and my MIL told, why to get married, instead he can sleep with prostitutes on road.

    By that time my relatives come and made truce and told you listen to her and she must listen to me.
    later my relatives called their parents and my parents and told them what happened.

    I will get angry at my wife when
    1. if she says she will not come to my relatives home
    2.if she starts late to temple or any place (1 hour)
    i will tell her from morning, be ready by 5 by 5, but she will be ready by 6.
    3.Talks mindlessly.
    4. Involves her sister or parents, or starts comparing things with others
    5. Always things -veely, before marriage i got good offers, one girl had gold medal
    now she compares her self and says you dont love me, as I am not intelligent and I am not the girl you expect
    In general discussion we exchanged about our old offers, I never thought that my wife is so -ve
    My wife told about her fans

    I never said, nor compared her




    is it bad to ask my wife to eat food on time when she is pregnant
    is it bad to ask her to visit my relatives
    is it bad to ask her to talk to my parents


    she is in 7th month now,

    my wife was pampered a lot by her parents,
    how can I know her to be mindless and stubborn by taking on phone
    I never expected her to be mindless and stubborn
    she was working as a HR in top IT company and used to drive to office.
    all my relatives found her stubborn, she never accepts any gifts never eats in functions we need to plead her like she is a Queen.

    how can i sponsor my MIL when she says to sleep with prostitutes.
    I fear if she comes she will ruin my life. I don't want my MIL or SIL to interfere in my life
    and talk to my wife, I fear they will spoil her.
    Even if i send her to India, she will stay with her mother

    I bought her everyitng, 42 Inch TV, Sofa, Dining table, INR 60k sarees, 25k chudidhaars, 5 lakhs gold

    now I lost my good name and fame in front of my parents, relatives and in-laws

    tell me what to do, I am frustrated, unable to concentrate on my job

    shall I leave my wife, or how can I get her on track. I love my wife very much but I want her to listen to me, and understand what I say and keep faith in me.
    forget about her brainlessness, I want her not to be stubborn, its very difficult to live with stubborn ppl
     
    Loading...

  2. jaya36

    jaya36 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi,
    the title of the post itself what do I say sounds a lil bit silly.Looks like both of u r newly married under or close to year.......am I right. why dont u give her time,be loving......I mean really loving to her with lot of affection just like u wud be to a lil gal. You say she is pregnant.......harmones also tend to play a big part.
    PLEASE DONT BE RUDE TO HER.........it will only take u to court........u cant win her.IF YOU REALLY LOVE HER & WANNA BE WITH HER .........forgive all her mistakes(if they really are).......move on & dont even let seperation tots come to ur mind.........
    Your baby will be happy one if she is happy while pregnant.its a matter of ur baby too..........
    why dont u practise above thing with her for a few months........u will certainly see a change in her

    Cheers
     
  3. manyamanya

    manyamanya New IL'ite

    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    What ever you had said is right, I am planning to stay calm and do what ever she asks, till she delivers baby.

    Initially, when she asked for kids I thought she will change once she gets pregnant, but still no change.

    I think fault is not with her, its the environment under which she grew.
    I don't want to be rude at her, I love her very much.
    but the more i love and care her, she is becoming more adamant, and thinking that my hubby will do what ever I ask.
    I can tell u one thing, my MIL used to feed my wife till she get married.
    she was pampered a lot and her father never warned her or forced her to to do anything, even when she failed he never used to scold it seems, her mother used to feed her and did what ever she asked.

    I only need one help, shall i invite my MIL or not, I am afraid she will bring more troubles to me and I want my wife to be less stubborn and not to show her ego on Me and she should know that I am going to stay with her for life long not her sister or parents and she should make me important part of her life than her parents if not we will face problems.
    my self and my wife is are very happy without relatives.
     
  4. Ria2006

    Ria2006 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    792
    Likes Received:
    53
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    I totally understand your problem. I have couple of such SILs in my relations also. So I can totally know where you are coming from. In marriage, not always its the guy who is torturing. It can be a female also. I totally know it.

    I dont think any amount of stubbornness is allowed under the name of harmones. I dont agree with that. I personally feel, you need to let her come out of her stubbornness herself. Your pleading , begging and all those threats of harming yourself are worse options. I would say just stop talking to her, when she says she wouldnot eat. Tell her, baby belongs to her too. If she wants to kill the baby, so be it.

    Dont loose self esteem for senseless people, even if they are your relatives. You should focus on your life than caring about how her parents groomed her. If you personally think your life will worsen once you call MIL. Tell clearly to your wife, if she wants to deliver the baby here, you can hire a nanny for her, or she can go to India to deliver the baby. Be objective and firm. You dotn have to plead in life. Marriage is relation of partnership, whoever side thinks its game of playing egos will have to pay the price.

    With time, groom her to build a fence around your relation. Teach her how you dont share every small thing with your parents and siblings, and ask her to follow the same. The fact that you sincerely love her, should help here. But never let people misuse your love for them. Love should be strength not the weakness.Whenever love starts making us feel wretched and helpless, know it for sure we are loving the wrong way or the wrong person.


    All the best
    Ria
     
  5. manyamanya

    manyamanya New IL'ite

    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    But, what if I say to my wife that I don't want to get your Mother here as it will increase tensions, If my wife stops eating food.

    She did the same thing in her first month of pregnancy, I told her I don't have valid H1 papers as I applied for COS I cannot sponsor her parents. Finally I said I will sponsor

    Even now, I don't have my H1, I had changed my employer last month and I am in new Job.

    If tell I don't have valid H1 papers, she and my In-Laws will think I am doing that knowingly

    I did stopped taking to my wife when she was adamant, she will tell "I am taking to you, r u dumb" and she will not eat for 1-2 days.Again I will persuade her to eat.

    My In-Laws family is having a habit if not eating if you are angry, they will plead each other.
     
  6. Ria2006

    Ria2006 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    792
    Likes Received:
    53
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    well You need to be firm and teach her your ways. Life doesnot go forward with pleading and begging. If someone has groomed their kids wrong, It should change your own ways to live life.

    She needs marriage and kid as much as you need. So dont show your weakness. Tell her firmly , You dont think you should call her mother. Offer her to keep nanny for soemtime and then offer her to help by taking some leaves. How log you think you can give in like this.
    This is just beginning phase of life. Teach things right way. If you take least resistance path, chances are you will reaffirm these tactics.

    Ria
     
  7. manyamanya

    manyamanya New IL'ite

    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    Thank you very much Ria and Indus ladies, All these days I was questioning myself whether I am doing right or Wrong, is there any book to follow.

    Because my wife used to tell me husband do what ever wife asks if they love her.

    I will definitely consult you if I need your help

    I will be firm on my stand and tell my FIL that I can take care of my wife no need to send MIL to US.


    All these days I had bean an Ideal Son, Brother and I want to be an Ideal Husband and Father in Future
     
  8. hydgrr

    hydgrr Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    807
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Female
    I definitely understand that its a very difficult situation for you. But I guess at this time u need to be caring and understanding towards her needs. If she starts shouting at you, you be calm. If she doesn't want to come to your relatives place please dont force her at this stage. And frankly speaking a woman is comfortable only with her mom during delivery time. So dont upset her for anything. If she gets ready late, let it be so. Dont say her anything at all. Just think about one thing she is currently carrying your baby.
    Just do want she wants for these couple months....just keep her happy.
    Once she attains motherhood everything will hopefully change.
    Dont try to be harsh on her at this time at least.

    Most women change after motherhood....so just be a little patient with her now.
    Thats what i can suggest.

    -Priya
     
  9. manyamanya

    manyamanya New IL'ite

    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    My wife also must understand it hurts me when she behaves stubborn.
    and my MIL knows that I was sponsoring visa to her.
    And without knowing facts how can she use bad words towards me.

    I am not my MILs hubby to listen to her tunes,my FIL is a pet in front of my MIL, he cooks in home when his wife leaves for functions (atleat 15 days in a month)

    I am not a pet to listen to what ever my MIL says, not even my parents nor
    close friends use those bad words.

    I don't want to risk my marital life with my MIL and at the same time I will show Love and Affection towards my Wife.

    Ultimately my wife should understand and know how to live without her parents. Its not my fault, by default if you are married you need to leave
    your parents and when you are marring someone who is in America you must be mentally prepared that her parents will not there all times

    During entire week, I was thinking that my wife will be good to me and I
    sent papers to India the same day when my SIL was here.

    And also my MIL never calls my parents, she roams all around leaving her hubby and kids at home.Once I took flight they never called my parents.
    Right now my in-Laws sponsorship visa papers are with my parents.

    Even though my parents had Visas I had stopped them for the past 3 months for my MIL. But, due to her bad mouth she lost her name.

    I am consulting all my well wishers and they are saying if they are not good
    towards to your Parents and you why should you be good to them
    Do not sponsor them ??????????
     
  10. kavya007

    kavya007 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    753
    Likes Received:
    122
    Trophy Points:
    108
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Ria,

    Please excuse my bluntness. I sympathize with manymanya's position. However neither have you been pregnant nor you have gone through a delivery to understand the changes a women's body goes through during pregnancy and after delivery. The effect of hormones is real. It is very easy to give advice to hire a nanny for delivery. But you don't know how tough the recovery process is and managing things without a close family. Please think twice before giving such advice because it affects the life's of people in a big way.

    Thanks,
    Kavya.


     
    1 person likes this.

Share This Page