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Having A Life Outside Of Your Marriage

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by SGBV, Sep 20, 2017.

  1. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    No.... I am not talking about EMAs or open marriage.

    How many of you think that there should be a life outside of your marriage?
    A career, a passion, friends, social life, sports or even politics?

    Of course marriage is a major part, that comes with endless responsibilities. But that isn't all about your life.

    Many people would search our destinations everywhere, but we would stop everything after marriage as if marriage is the end of our journey.
    Either we are tired or have no time to pursue our passions, or the society/family does not support this idea.

    I personally have so much passions about life. My bucket list has no end, because I am a lively person.
    But when I speak about them, my very own mom would make me feel as if I am one irresponsible mom/wife to think about it.
    Of course my dreams are not common, and not necessarily I should be proud about the fact that at least I am allowed to work or make my own decisions despite being a woman.

    1) Despite of the risks and taboos associated with my legal career, I love to climb my career ladder, which demands me to travel outside of my country - often to war/conflict zones.
    I am passionate towards this, and I feel fulfilled and a sense of achievement when I could do something with this career.
    I've done this before, but I am no longer allowed to pursue my dream job after having kids.
    Not that, I will have to lose my family life completely with this choice, but of course some compromises are expected.

    2) I love to watch movies alone or take girls date with my besties at least once a month.

    3) I love to take solo trips to different parts of the world, and spend a few weeks away from family

    4) I love to involve in local politics, and I have a solid plan on how best I could start everything concerning to my vote banks and issues in the electoral zone where I belong to.

    5) I love to adopt an orphan child, and raise her (yes, I love girls) as my own.

    The above bucket list is just a sample of what I really dream of.
    It doesn't mean I go away from my original responsibility as a wife or mom forever to achieve my goals above.
    But I wish to follow my dreams when I am able bodied, with the help and corporations of my family.

    I strongly feel that every woman should have a life outside of their marriage, and that is the only way to reduce suffocation and boring routine life style.

    Do you think a woman must be glued to her family 24/7 to be the best mom/wife?
    Why can't a father or someone responsible full-fill the temporary gap, instead of over burdening the mother/wife?

    Or is it only me who feels there should be a life outside of our marriage?????
     
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  2. LakshmiKMBhat

    LakshmiKMBhat Gold IL'ite

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    Yes, very true. Three of my cousins have gone to Rajasthan by themselves, leaving their husbands behind :) It is such a liberating feeling because women of our generation were so protected, it was so frustrating. I told my cousins that I was very happy they have gone by themselves. We should have time for ourselves. Even if we do not go away , we should try to have time for ourselves. Good to read your post. Regards :)
     
  3. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Absolutely SGBV. The thought of losing one's individuality completely to become a clone of another in an institution called marriage is truly and really frightening. A bit of space certainly helps make a marriage healthy.
     
  4. memeera1234

    memeera1234 Gold IL'ite

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    I agree..There ought to be a life outside marriage too like friends, social life. Marriage is important and one should give it our 100%. It should be an important part of life but not entirely our life. Giving too much in relationship only makes us feel strangulated in a while whereas if we have other engagements, we feel liberated in a way. We have only one life and we are to decide how we go about living the same.
     
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  5. bulesha

    bulesha Silver IL'ite

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    After a long time I came to this forum and saw SGBV post, believe me this is most important aspect of married life which often being forgotten by most of us. If you analyse your day, you will be surprise that there is hardly a moment which you can exclusively claim as yours. Your role as wife & along with so many titles blow away your own life. For me the realisation came soon after 4 years of my marriage with 1 year old son. My passion for gardening was so strong that I started growing veggies on my terrace in soilless medium and start devoting morning hours before other member awakened. One day I took my hubby blind folded to the terrace and showed him ripped cherry tomatoes & lot of herbs. I still remember sparkle in my hubby’s eyes when he first seen it .With so many years on, today we are having lot of guest at the weekend to see MY terrace garden. I started conducting classes for children to learn growing art of veggies. Today he along with my two children joins me every day in the garden.
     
  6. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    We need to pursue our hobbies too. :sunglasses:. We need to follow our passion. If not all at least few. I am a basket ball player , got awards , now i want to continue after a year or two at least as coach:thumbup:
     
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  7. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    I had realized this the hard way a few years after my marriage. N once realized, having my life outside the marriage like hobbies, friends group, traveling has helped me a great deal n my family too.

    It is so easy n convenient to lose ourselves n get lost into a marriage n it's whole demands and forget who we are in the process. So this is an important point to save us from getting lost.

    I have started giving this as a serious advice to my married and newly married friends. That it is important for us to have a life apart from our spouse, kids n family. So a career, hobby, group of friends, traveling, anything is important for us to maintain our sanity n identity. It makes us happy, n in turn we keep our families happy too. It also makes our spouse n kids respect us more and accept our individuality.

    A good balance is always important.
     
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  8. creativemumma

    creativemumma Gold IL'ite

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    So true!
     
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  9. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    I agree with SGBV on the need to have a life outside married life. Too much dependence on husband wont help anyone. A life outside marriage within in certain limits, give space to each one and make one relaxed and happy.

    I live in USA, full time career, kids, home, reading, watching movies, gardening, so many. But I think I am not spending enough time for me. Still I feel I dont have a life outside marriage! May because I dont have a social life. Being a lazy cat, I like to simply sit a corner and be in my own world. That makes me happy. This aspect helped me a lot.

    I wish I have more friends to hang out. That is what I am missing. Most of the friends here, are family oriented and they need everyone's permission to come with me even for watching a movie. I really dont know why women change so much after marriage. I don't know how to find friends in USA. In India, I feel very happy even to go out alone, because there are so many people outside and everything outside matches with my interests and I feel at home.

    But in USA I feel very lonely, mostly I am my own. I think I need to be very proactive to have a life of my own. So any inputs on improving that aspects will be appreciated.

    "5) I love to adopt an orphan child, and raise her (yes, I love girls) as my own".
    This is in my wish list too. But when I mentioned to dh he asked me 'ARE YOU CRAZY' :rolleyes:
     
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  10. jskls

    jskls IL Hall of Fame

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    Exactly! Many of us realize this very late. I do have some items you mentioned in my bucket list too. I will pursue my interest, passion and service someday very soon.
     
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