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have you ever wondered why.........

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by kalps222, Dec 22, 2008.

  1. kalps222

    kalps222 New IL'ite

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    hi
    just your opinion on this...
    has anyone ever wondered why these men who were well settled here in US after doing their education here in US, still wanna get married to a girl from India even though they had a option to marry a girl of the same caste here in US.........i know a very few were because of family pressures, but i have seen many who want to marry specifically to a girl from india.. on the other hand, i hardly came across any girl who is educated and settled here in US, marrying a guy from india....
    my DH studied here and was well settled,and married me from india,even though he had the option to go on his own choice, and when i asked him, he doesnt give me a concrete reason and says, he just want to get married to his parent's choice.......
    have your ever wondered why........sound interesting to discuss naa...
    this is going to be one of our topic,during our pot luck next week...please add some points.....
     
    Last edited: Dec 22, 2008
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  2. MrsV

    MrsV Bronze IL'ite

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    well one of my friend wanted a girl from India because all his family is here and they've been here for like 40 odd years.. even his grandparents were cremeated here.. so he didn't have any relation in india to go back to and he really wanted his future generation to experience India the way he did in his childhood, so for that reason he specifically picked a bride from india.. now they go every few years and he has family there.. so it worked out great for him..



    i am born and raised here, so i have a totally different prespective on things.. and i know many girls who want to marry men who were born and raised here rather that just come here to do their college and masters, and work on H1 just because its a different "culture" and they are not considered to be groom from the US.. and maybe the guy's parents looked for girls here and it never clicked and just so happend to click with someone in india..


    i think the whole bride from india, or nri bride is totally played out, even the groom aspect is a bit crazy.. india is becoming more and more like the US, so what's the difference? as long the couple is fine.. nothing else matters..
     
  3. Priya_Mommy

    Priya_Mommy Gold IL'ite

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    Hi,
    Definitely may not be due to family pressure. Family may not codemn his choice if he prefers same caste and religion.
     
  4. Malyatha

    Malyatha Gold IL'ite

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    "So why marry a girl from India when you can pick one already here?"

    I can understand the question if the guy/gal in question was born and raised in the US. But my opinion is different when it comes to someone who was born and raised in India but settled here later in life. In the latter case, I ask: "Why NOT a girl still in India?"

    Just because someone comes here for his or her Master's, finds a job and settles here doesn't suddenly mean that s/he is "American", that folks still back in the Old Country aren't suddenly "good enough", and that it is a major faux pas marry a girl still in India.

    After my B.E., I was not permitted to come to the US to do my Master's as my ultra orthodox parents did not believe in letting an "unmarried daughter go overseas" by herself. With a lot of difficulty, I was able to move to Mumbai on a lucrative assignment. The only reason my parents even agreed to let me move out of Chennai was because my cousin was settled in Mumbai and would "keep a look-out for me!"

    I wanted desperately to travel, experience different cultures and lifestyles and all this was denied me by my parents' old fashioned ideas and beliefs. If my husband had decided that he *only* wanted to marry a girl that was already in the US, I wouldn't have had a chance. I am so glad that he was open when it came time to finding a wife - all he asked for was a girl that was flexible, had a few gray cells, enjoyed traveling, had some education, was very independent and capable of adapting to the highly individualistic, independent culture here in the States. I can assure you that one can find men AND women fitting this description in India also - so why NOT a girl or a guy still in India?
     
    Last edited: Dec 22, 2008
  5. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    All the reasons previously mentioned are correct ones. But one more thing I have noticed is that some parents comparing brides from here vs from India have this idea that Indian girls in U.S. are ultra modern, not good values, doesn't know the traditions, etc etc. I'm not saying all people think this way, but I have observed this mentality before. There is a thinking that Indian girl born and brought up in India will be more traditional and "family oriented" with "perfect blend of east west values." Is it just me or is anyone else tired of that catch line too? bonk

    In reality it seems there is a lot of reverse situation going on. I feel lots of Indians in U.S. hold on to their traditions more tightly than the Indians in India! To give an example, my sil born and brought up in India is married and never wears mangalsutra, but i do, even though I was born and brought up here. Of course to wear or not wear mangalsutra is an individuals own preferance, but my point is you really can not lable one set of people as more or less traditional than the other! :biggrin2:

    On a more serious note... there are some devious guys out there who go to India, get married to unsuspecting girl, collect a king's ransom and then desert their brides while they run away back to the U.S.! We know of one such guy who did this... and left his bride back in the village looking like a fool. Rant Also, sometimes when girls here in U.S. have had many boyfriends or broken engagement or divorce, their parents look for boys from India who won't know their past. shakehead
     
  6. Sabitha_K

    Sabitha_K Gold IL'ite

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    Kalps,

    The only case where men go back to India and get married is when it is an arranged marriage and the parents are searching for a bride.Now obviously the parents in India find it very difficult in find a prospective bride in US sitting in India even in this internet age.So I reckon in arranged marriages the guy invariably marries someone from India unless he has fallen in love with someone abroad.I have never seen anyone putting this as a condition that he should never marry someone who has studied or is staying abroad.If that is the case it just shows his insecurity towards someone who has achieved the same in life.

    There could be few cases where an alliance is rejected from families who have blinkered look on girls who travel abroad for studies or work.
     
    Last edited: Dec 23, 2008
  7. Manaswini08

    Manaswini08 Bronze IL'ite

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    I'm not sure what the reason would be. I was born and raised here but opted to marry my neighbor from India. Have yet to regret that choice:)
     
  8. MrsV

    MrsV Bronze IL'ite

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    RantRant:spin:spin:crazy:crazy

    I have heard it wayyyy to many times.. and I love to point out the opposite! My mom's co worker's DIL is from India, and I have no clue how within one year of coming to the US and 2 years of marriage, her Bengali sounds "firangi" :rotflborn and bred in kolkata.. her excuse was that she was educated exclusively in an International school where they emphasized English!! And her English sounds like part Bengali, go figure! :rotfl
     
  9. Malyatha

    Malyatha Gold IL'ite

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    Oh wow, now this is becoming about foreign-born Indian women vs India-born Indian women and the one-upmanship of one over the other??? As if we aren't divided enough as it is... way to go!
     
    Last edited: Dec 23, 2008
  10. Manaswini08

    Manaswini08 Bronze IL'ite

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    I love this....I've come across this also. Girls who just arrived try to speak and act as if they've lived here all their lives. Why act so phony? And what makes one think that girls raised in the <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:eek:ffice:smarttags" /><st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">US</st1:place></st1:country-region> are not traditional and "family oriented?? I grew up here but speak perfect Malayalam as well as read and write the language. But my cousins who came here in their teens proclaim that they have already forgotten to read and write and the sentences they speak are “manglish” is not English alone. Once I was talking to a young married lady. I guess she was told that I was born & brought up here because she was speaking to me only in English. I was wondering why she was trying so hard when listening to her broken English. Wish people wouldn’t try so hard.

     

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