Have you ever thought about divorce due to in-laws

Though main reason for one's divorce should be husband in my case i thought about in-laws and thought about divorce in the same line.

Many time i have controlled my self and not taken the step due to my son. When 3-4 months back being in situation when i asked him...he replied... "i'd rather have fighting parents than separated".

Note, For my husband and me 90% of the fights due to in-laws.

There are lots of things which my husband did not do which I would wanted him to do....but i still let it go...just because i think, it is all right he still loves me
There are things he lacks, but i still let it go, just because i know I am not perfect...

The one thing which I am not able to let go is that he never stood up his parents for me even when I was right...i still adjusted but now i cannot do anymore....
(my in-laws have been ok this time but i still feel suffocated because they r always watching my actions, even when i have made major changes in my daily life....lots of things revolves around them....i just do not feel the freedom)

so having said that i needed to breather this year.
I told my DH not to have them over just for this year...(and in 17 years I have asked this twice only, once i was expecting and this year....but both time he did not listen to me) in reply to his question about his parents' visit this year. He had also added I am asking since I am concerned about ur mental health. And then he still invites them.....

this has left me heartbroken.....
- i wanted to two babies, he did not and he would not budge. i compromised
- we bought a new house 11 years back...i wanted to decorate in certain ways , and he was not ready to spend even a little bit, and he agreed only after a big fight infront of my niece...and she talked sense into him...when i kept saying the same thing, he did not listen. - i was still ok, let it go
- my son always wanted to learn tabla and so i wanted my son to learn tabla....but since my DH wanted him to learn Piano...Piano it is. i can still adjust and so did my son
-my dilvery i wanted my mom and my DH could not tell no to his parents and it was a havoc for me.
-

and list like this is long...that is why this time in spite me saying no, he brought his parents here...and i feel betrayed....it literally hurts in my heart.

And everytime i have talked about how i feel, instead of making me feel better, instead he suggests we should separate since i m in so much in pain due to him.
So easy for him to convey that way that he cannot let go his parents even once, but i can let me go.

I am crying everyday for hours.
And i m mentally separated unless he breaks the ice and takes some steps for me...which makes me feel again that he loves me and he can fight off his parents for me.

The only reason i m constrained right now is due to my almost 11 year old child.
DH is a great father indeed except the part he loses temper soon.

If my in-laws were not in my life i could have just let go every complaint i have for my DH and would have happily moved on.

sorry for long post, i m just such a confused animal right now....donot know what to do....can't live the way i m , and cannot leave DH due to DS...

 

First of all, thanks a lot for reply...I am anxiously waiting...

i agree, that he has seen me going and beyond above so it becomes easier for him to deal with me than with his parents...so this time i had made it very clear and made a point not have them....but still did not work.

Yes I am taken for granted and that is why i m ok mentally moving forward with divorce wether he wants or not...to show that i can not taken for granted. I am just constraint by concern for my son.

Yes, my brain know he loves me, and till now my heart believed too...and after this instance where he did not oblige me to my need about them not being here this year...I am shattered...my brain still knows he loves me but my heart needed to see the proof and now i donot even care to see proof...it may take lots of efforts for him to mend my heart for me even starting to care... my heart is literally hurting....u know many times i know we feel pain and then we move on. I never knew before now that what broken-heart is like...

As far as my in-laws are concerned...this year they have been very docile...mostly age...and watchful eyes - i still need get adjusted , because when i m cooking, seating...talking to somebody ...she keeps looking at me....Do not know why....
But it is smaller issue...it does makes me feel trapped and suffocated....I just wanted breather from all of it, just this year.


There is no social conditioning, obligation and pressure...he has been calling his parents every freaking year....my son is almost 11 yrs old. Shy by a month. And my in-laws have spent 5 years with him. My parents have spent 11 months with him.

I have been married almost 17 years shy of 4 months.. i have been with my in-laws for about 7 years and with my parents --11 months only,

So if there is any pressure it is on me...ppl keep asking me how come ur parents do not come often,,,

it is as simple as he can not say no to his parents and his cunning parents keep playing 'how long we will be in this world now...we are old, let us be with grand child' bloody hell for past 10 years... and they are reaching 80 only in couple of years.

I want to separate but i want to do it without impact of it...like pretend we r together infront of everybody and but keep it apart in private.

 

Does it have to be legal? I am seriously thinking...

I want to show him that he has taken me for granted and not anymore....

And what are other ways...i can show them besides separation...i came up with two solutions only....taking my life...which will make my son suffer.
2nd separation when my DH talked about it. But again my son suffers. If there is still a way to make my DH feel bad for taking me for granted, and still not make my son suffer - that would be ultimate

 

Yes I know my DH is an issue...but everytwhere else i could compromise, but him putting his parents before me all the time has left me heartbroken...I know totally what u r taking about kid suffering...after reading number of articles about impact on kids, i am hesitant to separate as much i want - Whenever i have told DH that he did wrong to me, all he can say maaf kar de and stops talking to me... i would hope him to come to up and make it up for his mistake...instead shows me the attitude my not talking makes me even more shattered. i totally understand of making compromise for kid and hence the dilemma