Have You Ever Irritated Or Made Your In-laws Angry Unintentionally?

Patientone · Dec 8, 2021

I have.
1. When I was newly married I tried helping mother in law in the kitchen. I washed all the dishes and put them in their place. She got angry and rearranged everything the way she likes.
2. Made nice food that FIL liked. I don’t know how…but MILs feelings were hurt and she told guests who came…yeah the other day she made this dish and her father in law thought ohh what’s this how will I eat it and ate it to make her happy.
3. Every time I went out with my husband for appointments to dentist or doctors…she would have a long face and once gave us the silent treatment even though it was her own son getting his teeth fixed! FIL would rarely let us go out after she had a word with him and then one day she said no let them go and have ‘fun’. Actually was told once that ‘our son takes you to so many places’. Also realised that MIL used to go through my stuff when I went ‘out’.

what about you and how did you deal with it?

Janakinarne · Dec 8, 2021

It's totally insecurity in your mil,you no need to worry abut dishes and it's arrangements,if she doesn't like just leave them and she wil place those,and obviously no women wil appreciate another person cooking unless it is your mom or siblings,and they can't accept it,just leave it and if another time when you cooked something ask everyone at the table itself how the dish is,whether they liked it or not and need any changes in it,so that you wil know the truth and she won't talk,if she did als ask her to cook by her self if they didn't like your cooking so that you relax,
And finally every mil do the search once we outof the house and wil check everything,you can't do anything with that ,just place the things in order and if you find anything changed just ask her normally that did you checked my cabinet for something that you need anything!!so that they wil know you know she was entering into your room in your absence and she wil think to do it again..
,Anyway it's very tough to impress in-laws and it's just waste of time you just be as you are and do things wat you can do...

MalStrom · Dec 8, 2021

You are a grown person. Why do you have to take permission or let people “allow” you to go out of your own home? Just inform them and carry on with your works.
People take as much power as you give them.

chanchitra · Dec 8, 2021

Why do you need to make your in-laws or husband happy. Focus on yourself and kids.
If you bend over backwards, they will take more advantage.

anika987 · Dec 9, 2021

Patientone said: ↑

I have.
1. When I was newly married I tried helping mother in law in the kitchen. I washed all the dishes and put them in their place. She got angry and rearranged everything the way she likes.
2. Made nice food that FIL liked. I don’t know how…but MILs feelings were hurt and she told guests who came…yeah the other day she made this dish and her father in law thought ohh what’s this how will I eat it and ate it to make her happy.
3. Every time I went out with my husband for appointments to dentist or doctors…she would have a long face and once gave us the silent treatment even though it was her own son getting his teeth fixed! FIL would rarely let us go out after she had a word with him and then one day she said no let them go and have ‘fun’. Actually was told once that ‘our son takes you to so many places’. Also realised that MIL used to go through my stuff when I went ‘out’.

what about you and how did you deal with it?
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I smiled when I read your thread.The above all has happened to me and am sure many IL's can relate.

After many years..I realized I cannot change the other person and just try to protect myself.I keep an emotional distance with my mil,I am very neutral with her.I do not react and even if she tries to irritate me..I just simply agree with her and look at her with a blank face.

They want a "reaction".You do not give a reaction.I keep my conversations to a minimal and keep distance.

It is better than uneccessarily fighting and losing our piece of mind.

chanchitra · Dec 9, 2021

Of course, since I live away from them, it's easy to say.
When you live with them in the same house, it gets difficult

Metamorphic · Dec 9, 2021

It's not you, don't worry!! She's acting out of her own insecurities. Basically you cannot "deal" with chronically insecure MILs. You must let them be and develop your own mechanism to not let that negativity affect you.

Be yourself, do what is right and live your life.