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have to face life all alone

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by lovely26, May 26, 2010.

  1. lovely26

    lovely26 New IL'ite

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    hi!

    Friends

    I would like to tell my story past from 7 mnths i'm away from my husband.we both are planning to get divorced.Reason for getting divorce is he is having extra marital affair and i was not knowing it before all of a sudden there was change in his behaviour he used to hit me, use ill words,neglect me very much ,would dislike to have physical contacts whole day he used to go out without informing me past from 2 years he continued doing this i thought only divorce is not solution i continued to adjust with him .But his behaviour worsen day by day'
    and my son is ill all the time he is suffering from epilepsy and he is not even taking care of my kid and he even doesn't ask abt him.So i started hating him.
    I"m working as a teacher in CBSE school past from 1mnth.IS life easy without husband?i feel lonely and sad for my life.But i cant bear his behaviour and he doesn't respect me or my laws respect me they behave as though i'm maid to them.Can i lead my life all alone?happily?
    I want to prove myself i'm capable of staying without him.
     
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  2. Pavithra55

    Pavithra55 Gold IL'ite

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    hi. am very sorry about your issue. before taking any decision sit and think wether you can be happy with your dh. i agree he is no more your life but still seek elders advice and think of your son's future and decide. all the best. my prayers are always with you. dnt be sad. cheerup:thumbsup:thumbsup:thumbsup
     
  3. Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

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    Lovely, when you say you want to prove to yourself you can stay without him. That is the right approach. You dont need to prove anyone but yourself. Time can heal worst wounds. You did your best to avoid the divorce but you did not contribute anything that lead to it... It was his affair , his dislike for whatever reason that he grew apart and so if one grows apart a relationship can never survive, no matter how much the second person wants it to work. He has illtreated you, neglected you, for 2 years he was out whole day you say..Also he did not care for his son who is sick. All this only shows how cheap he is as human. The reason one can be not happy with spouse for whatever reason but with kid if someone behaves like this it is not a good sign.... AGain I dont know if its your perspective as we cannot see what he did or not for kid... But looking at what you say divorce is best for him and more for you

    What do you think he will be happy if he marries the girl he is now having affair with. The cycle will repeat again with her...

    Please take care of your kid as he is suffering from epilepsy, It is not a good thing. He needs to be cared all the time depending on his situation. My heart goes for him and I will wish and pray to God he stays well.

     
    Last edited: May 26, 2010
  4. lovely26

    lovely26 New IL'ite

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    Hi

    Thank u very much for reply.He may be happy.But he ruined mine and my sons life.He may marry and and be happy but what abt me.
    My son is facing very serios problem cant say it he not even once visited to Dr.Just imagine how hard he is?
    I think continuing with that guy is very hard.Can a women stay all alone whole life?
     
  5. sarma

    sarma Senior IL'ite

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    Don't stay in the marriage because of society or in laws. If marriage is no fun, you are better off walking away. I don't think that you can even list three good reasons to hang on.

    Good luck!
     
  6. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Lovely

    Initially its going to be tough for sure. Because you have invested your emotions, love, time and affection for him and you would feel betrayed and cheated and helpless and angry. But please accept that yes, he was not what you thought of him as, and opt for a temporary separation. Yes move out of the house or ask him to move out. Tell him that he can come and see his kid as and when he pleases and that you would send the divorce notice shortly.

    Start handliing things at home, work and your kid all by yourself. Its going to be overwhelming for sure. Depend on your friends/parents/siblings who understand you. If you think no one understands you, dont worry . Just do what you think is right and slowly everyone would come around!

    Always remember one thing. It is about you and your kid. As long as you both are happy thats what matters.

    Inspite of the temporary separation, if your husband still doesnt miss you and doesnt come around, make that final decision and send the divorce notice.

    Dear, divorces are bad, they are tough, they are emotional drainers, but the end result would be good (atleast thats what I have seen in my friends cases). Because having a husband who doesnt care for the wife/kid is like not having but as he is going to be around, its always going to be more painful to deal with the truth. Once this divorce happens, atleast you know where you stand in life, you would again feel confident that you can handle things on your own and live your life again to teh fullest. Marriage is just one part of this life. not the whole life itself.
     
  7. Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

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    Why do you want to stay alone whole life, if you are young you can still find someone, the big question is how to find MR right for you...It is not easy to stay single whole life. It looks but is not. Life needs companionship, family etc...

     
  8. shivachoubey

    shivachoubey IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Lovely,

    You do not need someone who is abusive towards you and who dis respect you. No you don't need such nonsense in your life.

    The best thing is that you are working. Start looking for a place to live and a helping hand for your child. Chalk out a plan and start moving away from such a negative person.

    Why can't a woman live alone. Of course she can. You are strong enough to go out of the house and work and hence you are strong enough to lead your own life.

    As for him being happy or being sad, see its the circle of life. What goes out will always and always come back. All the abuses will be returned to him sooner or later, there is not escaping this law.

    Let him live his destiny but now is the time for you to walk your own path and carve your own way.

    Look ahead my friend a beautiful life awaits you. It might be hard but at the end of the day it will be worth venturing out on your own and experience the joy of absolute living.

    All the very best. God bless you.

    regards
     
  9. radhaparth2000

    radhaparth2000 Platinum IL'ite

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    My hugs to you and sorry for the pain you have gone thru. Enough is enough you got to now lead a life for you and your soon. So go ahead with your decision and be a good mum to your son. You will never know and you may get a brighter career or partner in this new phase of your life. Cheerup and start living a life for yourself.
     
  10. lovely26

    lovely26 New IL'ite

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    friends

    Hi friends
    i dont have enough of friends in this site how to make friends?
     

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