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Has this happened to you?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by JayaJ, Jul 5, 2010.

  1. JayaJ

    JayaJ Senior IL'ite

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    Hi all,

    I dont know if i am making a mountain of a molehill....but just wanted to know if anyone else has gone through this issue and to get their ideas/thoughts...

    Its been 7 yrs of marriage and 3 yrs before that of courting/dating...
    Birthdays and wedding anniversary's are special to me and usually, i make it that by thinking of some surprises on such events..

    surprises would mean making and hiding little love notes, love letters, handdrawn greeting cards, heart shaped coupons, order a surprise b'day/anniv cake, HUGE greeting cards, bouquet of flowers (hubby's fav red roses), surprise gifts, i even dropped into his office once with a large bunch of flowers and cards as a surprise for his bday (looked like a joker) and booked a restaurant for lunch....

    put in lots of thought, think of surprises and plan it well in advance....it wasnt easy especially when i have kids, a job and house to manage...

    While on the other hand, for my hubby these days is just another day.
    During our courting period, he used to surprise me and make me feel special, he would even celebrate the anniversary of the days we first met, held hands, etc...
    Butafter marriage, its disappeared...

    somehow, inevitably, on every bday of mine, he would travel....just bad luck....so i couldnt expect much...and so, not surprisingly, on every birthday, we would end up fighting...hubby thinks just wishing me is enuff to make it special for me...and i have explained it to him umpteen number of times, the day is special to me and i need to feel special on that day...so, a card, flowers or cake is not too much to ask...

    My bday is coming up and again hes gone travelling...he wont be there for my bday...but i thot he would try to celebrate my bday before leaving...

    i am feeling quite low...am i expecting too much from him?

    Otherwise, hes a good person..he loves me a lot and keeps saying it...we have 2 girls and i have lost my svelte figure after the second one but that doesnt seem to stop him from wanting me or loving me...he buys me whatever i ask him for...we went to NY last month and be bought me a diamond ring without me asking for it!!!!

    so, thats my dilemma. Its not like he doesnt buy me stuff, he DOES - quite often...should i just play it down? or am i right in feeling disappointed?

    any suggestions please...

    Thanks,
    Jaya
     
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  2. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    jaya, you are making a mountain out of a molehill. Very clearly.
    Play it down, let it go.
     
    Last edited: Jul 5, 2010
  3. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    You lucky girl , your DH is buying you diamond rings and you are disappointed ! Courtship and marriage are two different things , no comparisons please.
    In the long haul roses and Birthday dinners pale if there is no true love. No diamond /gold ring will give one happiness if given without love.
    Chill and enjoy what you have got. Grow out of the Mills and Boon phase !
     
  4. tulipzz

    tulipzz Platinum IL'ite

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    Oh, you really have nothing to complain about. He is such a lovely husband!!

    Dont worry too much about it...have a heart to heart talk after the kids sleep. Just relax in each others arms and casually mention it to him.

    May be he under stress at work... give him time and things will change.
     
  5. ArunaSashi

    ArunaSashi Bronze IL'ite

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    That's not a big problem I guess.. People have obligations and deadlines to meet at work.. Can't just keep some random working day free.. He buys you stuff, just not on the day.. big deal!
     
  6. swt.charu

    swt.charu Platinum IL'ite

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    Hey,

    Let me tell you my husband's thinking.

    Once I bought a greeting card for him. Forget thanking me for that, he bluntly told me on my face not to waste money on such nonsense :bonk

    He thinks these are just marketing gimmicks. He too would buy a lot of stuff for me. When I go for something cheaper (I mean moneywise) he tells me to go for branded one's instead of the low quality stuff even though they are expensive. He is one guy who goes for value for money.

    I tell him he is too boring. Though it irritates me, I have learnt to put up with it.
     
  7. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    Jaya, some men are like that, just not interested in showing their love when it matters to you. But that does not mean he doesnt love you, obviously he does.
    Its weird that he isnt considering your feelings even after you "telling" him that these occasions matter to you.

    To answer your question, No. My hubby does buy flowers, card and usually we go out for dinner in some fancy restaurant on special days like B'days, anniversaries, festivals etc.
     
  8. mapleleaf

    mapleleaf Silver IL'ite

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    Most men i know (including DH and my Dear Brother) don't really like to make a big deal of 'Special days' the way we like to. I bet you even if you didn't make such meticulous plans for your DH's birthday he would not complain to you, he is probably wondering why you go to such lengths anyways. :rotfl
    After 10 years of knowing your DH you must have realised by know that he is not a special days kind of guy. Expectation will only lead to disappointment and resentment. Try to plan something good for yourself, treat yourself with something special on your special days so it won't be a day of arguments.Enjoy the day and spread the happiness. :thumbsup
     
  9. iamsudha

    iamsudha Senior IL'ite

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    Yes. It happened lots to me:)

    Sometimes he doesn't bring flowers/card/cake on my bday! Once I asked and he said 'You have come to expect it so where is the surprise?":) So I now know that he doesn't want to be predictable!

    And when I asked him about the sweet little things that make my day(s), he said "Sure, when I start to have an affair" :)

    All in all, I am just fine the way he is. He does find a way to surprise me on my bday in some (sometimes subtle) way. It always keeps me on the edge and it has become a sport. I like it this way.

    And he is uncomfortable if I celebrate his bday. His standing orders are to make it a big deal when he accomplishes in the order of a Gandhi or Gates or Mother Teresa. Short of that he just wants a quite cake (this is more for the kids as he makes them blow the candles) and nice food!
     
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2010
  10. JayaJ

    JayaJ Senior IL'ite

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    hi Spiderman1 - thanks for ur advice..i needed to hear it...:bonk

    hi flowerlady - i too dont care for diamonds or gold...i prefer the simpler things in life like flowers or cards but given with LOVE...i think at the bottom of every woman's heart, we cant get out of the M&B phase...once a romantic, always a romantic..thats me! :hide:

    hi tulipzz - yes, i dont have anything to complain about...though i wish atleast once in a while he wud buy me flowers....anyway, i am sure u r right...:hiya

    hi swt.charu - same here..he also prodds me to go for branded stuff while i am happy with just the simple things...like u, i have got to put up with it i guess...:thumbsup

    Hi Rakhii - yes, he loves me a lot but sometimes once in a while i wish i cud enjoy a romantic dinner or flowers on special occassions....sigh..i envy u..:bowdown

    hi mapleleaf - yes, u r right..he doesnt think there is anything special abt it - anymore....before marriage, he found it special...i jest with him that he fooled me into marriage by pretending to be a romantic...afterall i am a dieheard romantic at heart...:crazy

    hi iamsudha - nice to hear i am not the only one going thru this..:)

    thanks every1 for ur advice and suggestions...am going to have a blast on my bday with my girls irrespective of my hubby not being around...:cheers
     

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