Harmless Flirting Vs Harassment..

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by anika987, Jan 24, 2023.

  1. RRAJ

    RRAJ Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    280
    Likes Received:
    681
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    Anika, it's not your fault and you don't have to feel ashamed or angry. Some men are like that and you cannot change them even if you are strong and bold enough. As your office has no HR and any particular rules, it's better to quit or maintain distance from him. Men like this can go to any extreme if there is no one to question them over there. I don't know how long he has been working there and he may have the upper hand over there. If he is texting personal things like miss you and all and taking pictures/selfies with you on regular basis, it will become a problem in your marriage life too in the future. Better you talk to your husband too about this.
     
    anika987 likes this.
  2. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    12,396
    Likes Received:
    20,117
    Trophy Points:
    538
    Gender:
    Female
    I informed my husband and put him in the loop..

    He wants me to stand up for myself or quit.

    I need to decide coz even after I speak up..am unsure how it will feel to Work there
     
  3. RRAJ

    RRAJ Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    280
    Likes Received:
    681
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    I feel like it's not worth it to continue there bearing all this nonsense.
     
    anika987 likes this.
  4. gamma50g

    gamma50g Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    81
    Likes Received:
    59
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Female
    @anika987 its very easy to quit. Why should you quit when you haven't done anything wrong? And what is the guarantee that you won't meet pervs like this in future?

    Its just better to deal with them with a firm hand before things get out of hand. Make it very clear that you are not comfortable with any kind of physical contact or having your pics taken or even non relevant texts. It doesn't matter what others do. Its their problem. You are your own person. If you are not comfortable and let them know and they won't bother you.
     
  5. lavani

    lavani Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    793
    Likes Received:
    1,036
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    I agree. as i said , you do your part of warning. let other event fold themselves.

    again please do not over think. see opposite example, an innocent man was correcting jasleel kaur couple of years back for traffic and she ruined his life. what i am saying is people lie for stupid reasons, you do not have to over analyse yourself in any way.
     
    anika987 likes this.
  6. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    6,599
    Likes Received:
    10,981
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    How do you know they were ok? He’s conditioning you by showing those pictures. He knows what he is doing. We don’t know under what circumstances he clicked those photos. He showed it to you to continue to harass you under the guise of normalcy.

    This is exactly what he wants you to think. That’s why he showed you those photos. This is how victims are made to doubt themselves. Don’t do what he wants you to do. Don’t have any self doubt.

    Don’t be angry at yourself. Direct that anger at that miserable lout. He is the perpetrator and please don’t make yourself responsible for this. You are not at fault for being a victim of workplace harassment.
     
  7. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    12,396
    Likes Received:
    20,117
    Trophy Points:
    538
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi ladies…past two days I have been suffering from Severe headaches and don’t feel like going to work tomorrow.Hubby said if am
    Unable to handle it..it is better to quit the job.

    I am feeling very depressed and don’t feel like looking for another job.The process is such a big headache by itself.I just don’t have any more mental energy left.I had tried for two years and got this.I just cannot even imagine to start again.

    I am so upset today. It’s not even about the job.I have been a homemaker in the past and I was fine.

    This job I personally did very well,It was a good learning and I enjoyed it.It was
    More like a hobby than a job.

    However..I cannot handle the stress..
    Am quite scared to even go to work tomorrow
    And it is eating me up..

    I hate that guy sitting close to me and all the time commenting hot,pretty and always always always talking only about me or other women.I am very uncomfortable and what makes them think I am okay with this..the other American ladies are laughing it off!! They are saying these guys are actually sweethearts and they are always with this with every woman and I shouldn’t take this seriously..


    does this mean am too conservative and outdated??

    He is actually very sweet to me and messages if am unwell and I feel guilty that maybe am misjudging him..

    I don’t want to quit and misjudge someone’s character based on my perception..

    Maybe am making wrong decisions??

    I showed the messages to my husband who said “except for few messages which are not okay..rest seems casual” and I also showed a picture of the guy touching me casually in the hand and my hubby said it looks casual!!”

    My hubby is a good guy but now he is also confusing me..

    so which means am overreacting??


    Is it just casual flirting??

    Telling me that they are waiting till summer so that they can see me wear short clothes,or I look pretty when my hair is flowing in the air when I was working..maybe these are casual..I felt cringe..I don’t know ladies..

    it’s not like I will be physically abused but I feel uneasy and back in college times..I like a professional environment..go,work,casual chit chat..am I asking for too much??

    I have been lying in bed all day and headache is too much..am so angry and upset today..

    sorry if am unable to handle this well..am
    Not that strong and have anxiety so it is irritating me so much..maybe am kind of overreacting to this situation and should be calm..had to journal this…am confused and want to decide right..


    had to vent..
     
    Last edited: Jan 26, 2023 at 3:30 AM
  8. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    12,098
    Likes Received:
    29,313
    Trophy Points:
    540
    Gender:
    Female
    I seriously wish you wouldn't do this edit the post and putting a "." in it business. Dashed jarring to the system I say. :neutral:
     
  9. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    12,396
    Likes Received:
    20,117
    Trophy Points:
    538
    Gender:
    Female
    I posted it Rihanna..

    had to journal
     
    Rihana likes this.
  10. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    12,098
    Likes Received:
    29,313
    Trophy Points:
    540
    Gender:
    Female
    I was referring to post #28 in the previous page that has a dot in it. : )
     
    anika987 likes this.

Share This Page