Harmless Flirting Vs Harassment..

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by anika987, Jan 24, 2023.

  1. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    You are not imagining things. It's not due to any failing on your part. You should not have to spend your entire workday warding off such advances, familiarities and conversations.

    It is just a work place with no HR and the management seems to have no worries about getting sued. There is a bad work culture and some of the employees are utilizing the lax workplace rules to indulge in that cheap behavior.

    Unfortunately, other than looking for a different job, there is not much you can do. If it helps to know, then understand that there are often situations at the workplace where what is happening is unfair or wrong but the best option is to find another job. As an example, in a family-owned business if the owner's niece gets away with doing low quality work and others have to pick up the slack, the best thing is to leave the company.

    If you have to continue in that company for whatever reason, remember it is not your fault in any way that they are behaving like that.
     
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  2. lavani

    lavani Platinum IL'ite

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    this is really bad. i do not know. is it because the org culture is like that?.

    do you have any personal issues that is preventing from reaching hr. only 3 options -
    change job
    or raise hell complaining to hr
    or just quit

    if you want to stay , just strongly warn him not to do that otherwise there will be consequences. just be cool and let the things unfold themselves like if any hr gets involved.

    if he touches, goto police, i assume you are in usa. other than not much you can do. overthinkiing is going to hurt you bad

    there is a difference between a consent touch and non consent. 1 or 2 folks have held my hand like that in 12 yrs of work. and they were like brothers and almost family.
     
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  3. lavani

    lavani Platinum IL'ite

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    this is not common in usa.

    please do not compare india. that is totally different NON IT work ethic.
     
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  4. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    thank you Rihana
     
  5. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    I am actually ashamed that I don’t have the guts to tell him off..I wish I was one of those strong women who can talk back..

    First time in my life I missed having another Indian woman as my colleague..I don’t know why but I felt it would have been supportive to have other woman around me.I am not saying women from other countries are okay with this but they don’t seem to get how I feel.

    I am going back to office day after tomorrow and am going to try to speak up or something else I will quit.


    What I am sad about is..this job was just perfect for me.The timings,salary,flexibility and distance plus am able to do the job well.

    What I am happy about it..I am so proud that I am very good at my job and found my confidence that I am smart.I am the same person before and after and even if I walk out now..it was with full confidence on my capabilities.
     
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  6. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    One more thing I wanted to add…

    when I was complimented..I immediately changed the topic to work related..

    I was told” You are very smart!not so innocent..quickly changing topic to work”..

    Atleast one thing am happy is..I was asked to send some picture of me and I told bluntly that I won’t send my personal pics.First time in my life I spoke that way.Atleast I think I can give myself credit for that..
     
  7. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Good girl. You have a few months experience and more important that you have more confidence. You will find a job that is as perfect for you. If there are a few imperfections in your next job, those will be more palatable than colleagues who keep you guessing are they flirting or harassing you.

    It is fine to wish you were the kind who talks back. That is indeed a useful skill to have in one's armor. But, I hope you will shake off that feeling of shame or the feeling that you lack the guts to tell him off. Please remember and remind yourself frequently:
     
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  8. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Document all these incidents. If you have texts or emails, screenshot and save them offline. If someone makes inappropriate remarks then send yourself a note with the content, time and date. If ever a situation arises when you might pursue something formal you will have an actual record.
     
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  9. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Anika, the more I think about this the more I feel you should not put up with this nonsense. After all these years of Me Too and such if people are still behaving like this in your office then there is a culture of impunity.
    Polish up your resume and start applying immediately.
     
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  10. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    Then you don't need to leave the job because of some guy.
    Go and complain to your boss.
     
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