Had An Altercation With Mil

Hi ladies,

MIL was sick and hospitalized. Main reason she wont eat any food as she does not like it...She stays on rice and water for days..No outside, junk food etc she likes and keeps saying I dont like this place. When we say then go to SIL place, she says no....My toddler was sick with dengue like symptoms, elder one had half yearly exams, I had my review...I told H to tc of MIL and I managed everything on those days..She got discharged, was pissed with H and was complaining about him......I was considerate and tried to help her...But again, I dont want anything drama continued..disrespecting H started...In hospital she ate literally everything kichadi, rice, dal, biscuits roti everything...All reports are normal...I was getting damn irritated...H was also and moreover we both were having frequent arguments to make matters worse...

Long story short after a few days, me and MIL had an argument...she started shouting and shivering, showing panic attack like symptoms...I was shocked...H got angry on me and said dont kill her now let her rest..you keep triggering her for silly things...Let her be herself...Dont show your office stress at home in a very stern tone....I could not take it and kept arguing with him and did not move from the place which pissed him more...

Now, MIL has gone into her shell crying and saying you dont like me being here..I dont have a place of my own to go...I love the children and want to be with them but nowadays you are always irritated with me...The moment you come home, I run away to my room so that you guys get privacy...I dont have any interest in doing anything in this house as you both are running it now....I wanted to commit suicide so that you guys can live peacefully...I will go to native to some relative's house but you guys should not come when I die etc etc....I am guilt tripped.

We talk only when necessary...She retires to her room whenever I go to living room and takes care of baby when I am busy with work....

I have a bad history with her since she ill treated me during the initial years of marriage..Initially, I was filled with love and empathy towards that single mother who had put so much of efforts in bringing her children up..She curdled all the love I had for her brutally and now I have lost the ability to love her...She has definitely mellowed down..But, I am unable to forget... I think all the resentment built inside me is showing up...She has stopped but I have started...My H told you were a very kind and empathetic person, but I can see that is slowly getting eroded away and you are not your usual self anymore which I feel is true...He feels sorry for me but is bound to his duty of taking care of his mom...

H is telling me that we can live in adjacent homes once we move back to native...Again the stress is on me to put efforts to move back to native as I am in a non transferrable govt. job..I work like crazy to make my resume better so that I can apply for jobs but that is also taking a toll on me.To avoid more torture, I even suggested him to buy a home and move back to native with MIL but H is not ready with that arrangement as well...I have made some progress atleast in the parenting part due to wonderful advise from ILites....But this part of my life is still unresolved even after 10 years of marriage...Can we three my MIL, me and H ever live happily and peacefully? I take a break and go to parent shouse with children..Again H cant come with us as his mom cant be alone... Why do I not get that exclusivity of H, myself and children without worrying about MIL atleast for a few days in a year?