ha ha ha

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by Reenae, Jan 16, 2008.

  1. Reenae

    Reenae Bronze IL'ite

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    1. Santa singh comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine"
    He writes a note and sticks it 2 pole "Thanks 4 d complement"

    2. Santa singh bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar , where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend. He reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. When he finally reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya?"
    The Santa singh got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain, aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?"

    5. Teacher: Can you tell me something about Raja Ram Mohan Roy?

    Banta to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper ne Flag
    Dikhaya, Banta: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.

    . Santa : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When a Person asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher Studies Yaar...!!!

    9 . Santa with a new mobile called everyone from his Phone Book & said "My MobileNo. has changed Earlier it was Nokia 3310 Now it is 6610"

    10 . Santa falls in Love with Nurse. He writes a Love letter to her, " I LOVE U SISTER."

    11. What is Common between: Krishna , Ram, Gandhi ji & Jesus..?
    Santa ji Replied: All are born on Government Holidays.

    12. Santa : That Cow is a Lovely Colour ,
    Farmer : Yes, it's a Jersey
    Santa: Oh, I thought it was its Skin...!!!

    13 . Santa's Son: O God! Please make New York the capital of Punjab .
    Santa: Why are you praying for that?
    Santa's Son: That is what I have written in my exam.

    Santa is buying a TV. "Do you have colour TVs?"
    "Give me a green one, please."

    Banta calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"
    "Just a sec," says the rep.
    "Thank you." says Banta and hangs up.

    Our Santa was filling up an application form for
    a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS
    etc. Then he came to the column "Salary Expected" : He
    was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought
    he wrote:Yes

    Santa proposes to a woman. She says; yes if you
    bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and
    disappears. Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting
    crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one. He walks over the reptile,
    checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71st and again barefoot!"

    A Santa goes into a store and sees a shining object. He asks
    the clerk, "What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies, "That is a
    thermos flask."
    The Santa then asks, "What does it do?"
    The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold."
    The Santa says, "I'll take it!"

    The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos.
    His Santa's boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object
    with you?"
    He said, "It's a thermos flask."
    The boss then says, "What does it do?"

    He replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
    The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?"
    The Santa replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."


    Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom
    fighters. They were planning for free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a
    point, "Oh..we'll get Punjab from India but how would we develop it?"
    That was a difficult question indeed. Suddenly Banta Singh
    replied, "No problem! we'll attack USA, it would
    take over us and then we would be a state of USA and we'll automatically get
    developed." All the surds became happy at this very simple solution but
    an old surd did not utter a single word. Someone asked him why he
    wasn't happy. The surd replied, "OH! THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT...WHAT WOULD

    Why did 18 Sardarjis go to a movie?
    Because below 18 was not allowed.

    What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand
    grenade at you?
    Pull the pin and throw it back.

    What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
    Run like crazy....he's got a hand grenade in his

    How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
    Tell him a joke on Wednesday.


    hat do you call a Sardar who drinks only beer?
    Just-Beer Singh ('T' silent!).
    What do you call a Sardar who has only one drink?
    Just-one Singh.

    Why does Sardar always smile during lightning
    They think their picture is being taken.

    Once santa singh was travelling on a train. He
    felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to
    wake him up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he
    felt that for 20 Rupees, the Sardarji deserved more service. So, when the
    Sardarji fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the
    station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he
    went to wash his face, and suddenly he screamed when he saw the mirror.
    Said his wife " What's the matter?"
    Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else"

    Banta singh is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has Clock Tower
    when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower. Banta
    says "Yes". "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took
    the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours
    the Banta figured he was taken for a ride. On the next day the Banta
    is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy
    the clock."Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."
    The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool.This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."
    Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor
    asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, " I was ironing a
    shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally
    picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
    " Oh Dear! " the doctor exclaimed in disbelief.
    "But ..what happened to your other ear?"
    "The scoundrel called back."

    Santa Singh( a Sardar from Jalandhar.. they are the one who smoke, despite the religious ban) tried to light his cigarette. He struck the first match on the seat of his pants, but it wouldn't light.
    He tried another. It wouldn't light. The third one finally lit. lit his cigarette, carefully blew the match out and put it in his vest pocket. "What for did you put that match in your vest
    "That's a good match. I'll use it again."

    Banta sees lot of guys running on the highway.
    Asks a bystander as to why're the guys doing what they're
    doing. The bystander: A Marathon race is going on
    Sardar: What do they get from that?
    Bystander : The winner will get a prize
    Sardar : Then why are the others running?!

    ************************************************** ************
    Banta came to Madras and wanted to do
    shopping in Burma bazaar. His Tamilian friend told him that
    the prices will be costly and hence asked him to bargain for
    half the price.
    Banta went and asked the price of stereo for which the vendor
    told 2000 Rs. Sardar asked for Rs.1000. vendor told he can
    give for Rs.1800 for which Sardar told no, no only Rs.900.
    Vendor told ok, I will give it for 1500 Rs. for which Sardar
    bargained for Rs.750. It was going on like this when finally
    vendor out of irritation said he will give the Sardar the stereo
    free of cost."Our Sardar asked whether he will give two."

    Banta buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to
    Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number.
    Banta says, "I want my $20 million."The man replied,
    "No, Sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million
    today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the
    next 19 years."
    Sardar said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it
    and I want it."
    Again, the man explained that he would only get a million that
    day and the rest during the next 19 years.
    Banta, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my
    money! if you're not going to give me my $20 million
    right now, then I want my 1 dollar back!"

    Sardar Banta Singh went to the emergency room with
    the tip of his index finger blown off.
    "How did this happen?" the doctor asked.
    "Well I was trying to commit suicide," Banta Singh
    The doctor asked, "Trying to commit suicide by shooting your
    "No, silly! First I put the gun on my head and I thought my
    face would look horrible, then I put it in my mouth
    and I thought I just paid Rs. 1,000 to get my teeth
    So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought this
    is going
    to make a loud noise, so I put my finger in my
    other ear
    before I pulled the trigger.

    After making a trip of South India, Santa Singh, his wife and his son were
    returning to Punjab in Tamilnadu Express. Santa Sngh was occupying the
    lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his son the top most
    berth in the train.
    When train stopped at one of the stations on the way back the son
    requested Santa Singh to bring him a cup of ice cream to
    which Santa readily agreed. When Santa and his son returned they found that a
    South INdian who couldn't understand Hindi had occupied his son's berth.
    Outraged, Santa Singh called the TTE and asked him to help. TTE
    requested that he could not understand Hindi/Punjabi so it would be better if
    Santha Singh explained the whole situation to him in English. Santa
    explained, "That man sleeping on top of my wife not giving berth to my child".

    A Sardar is in a bar and his cellular phone rings, so he picks
    it up and says "Hello, how did you know I was here?"

    How many Sardars does it take to pull off a kidnapping?
    Six. One to kidnap the victim and five to write the ransom note.

    Why does a Sardar keep empty beer bottles in his fridge?
    They're there for those who don't drink.

    Sardar,a Japanese, and a British were lost in the
    desert. They were driving around in a Jeep when it broke down,
    because they had nothing else they decided to each take a piece of
    the Jeep as they continued their journey. The Japanese took the
    radiator, the British took the seat, and the Sardar took the

    After a while of walking the British asked the Japanese "I'm
    confused, why did you bring the radiator?" The Japanese
    responded, "If I get thirsty, can drink the fluid."

    Next the Sardar asked the British "Why did you bring the
    seat?" So the British said "If I get tired,I am not going to sit on the
    sand. I can sit on this comfortable seat."

    Finally the Japanese asked the Sardar why he had chosen the
    door.The Sardar quickly responded to this question,
    "Well, when it gets hot all I have to do is roll down the window."

    Why couldn't the Sardar write the number "eleven"?
    He didn't know which "one" came first...<!-- google_ad_section_end -->
    Santa: They were 4 best friends..!

    6. Banta to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper ne Flag
    Dikhaya, Banta: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2008
  2. Sriniketan

    Sriniketan IL Hall of Fame

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    All the jokes are enjoyable, to me the most is the 'lottery one', hahaha...
  3. vivbass

    vivbass Gold IL'ite

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    hahaha,had a hearty laughBig LaughBig LaughBig Laughbonk

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