Guys dont reply to ladies personal thread

I haven't gone through the entire thread but the OP didn't seem to be trying to offend male members. Yes, some of us do have a cultural conditioning that makes us awkward if a male replies to certain types of posts. Sometimes one does receive not-so-nice PMs from men. I do not know if the men here have faced similar problems on this forum. They don't seem to say that.
What made Sokanasanah stalk off in a huff ? :idontgetit:

 

Listen, He is a very respected male member. You can understand that by the sheer length of this thread.

Few very harsh/very offensive remarks were passed by some one. As one member vibha_81 pointed out in her post no. 80 in page 8 of this thread , they were directed at me, not him.

Though that vitriolic attack was specifically addressed to my name, there was a general addressing, "you guys...!" like that. I guess, he got deeply hurt by assuming that he is also included in "you guys".

More than that vitriolic verbal attack itself (on me), what hurts me more deeply is the act of Sokanasanah leaving the forum after seeing it.

Vibha_81, as you have rightly understood, I wish, Sokanasanah also understand that those offensive remarks were not directed at him and return back to the forum.

 

Because I would not enjoy seeing her career destroyed, any more than mine.
Because my 'bosses' wanted to deal with it a certain way - they were (are) people of high integrity that I trusted completely... because, because, because.
The point of that story was simply to say that I can relate to how women feel. Nothing else. One-to-one correspondence in life experience is not a pre-requisite for understanding.

Not what I was trying to say. I meant that if you call out somebody - as OP did, by mentioning 'a member on this thread' - then do that openly, with ID, not cryptically. That's all. I have no interest in defending 'scoring' (hate that word).

Ambiguity will always be with us.

Workplace romance is prohibited, especially among faculty & students. However, one of my profs did get involved with his student, almost half his age. They brought it to the attention of the administration, got formal approval of some sort, he divorced his wife (3 kids) and married said student. They remain married with kids of their own.

As an undergraduate, I had a friend who complained to me bitterly about a neighbor hitting on her. I commiserated with her about how horrible that must be because obviously she could not make her parents move elsewhere. I leave India, lose touch with her, then meet her after five years - she's married to the guy, happy as a clam.

I am not encouraging "scoring" etc. - just saying that the 'human' dimensions, even the unpleasant ones, cannot be eliminated. Such is life. As Jeff Goldblum's character put it in "Jurassic Park" - "Life finds a way".

The idiots will always be with us.

 

I just stopped by to clean house & respond to well-wishers.
I won’t log in after today.
I have never been able to shake my completely illusory belief that if I phrase something just so, or if I clarify this or that, or express it with a different metaphor, I will get through. That can never end right? The only way I can avoid acting on this compulsion is to stay away!

Sokanasanah is not "stalking off' in a huff. It was explicitly to establish that that he shared autobiographical stories, something that he has seldom done here & signed off with a silly one, in support of the women who complain about their oblivious men. He is uncomfortable about being in a women’s site & has been for some time. This keeps cropping up. If this had been an “India” site, he would have stayed on to fight the good fight.

 

Darmesh, I tried to respond to this by PM, but it appears that you have elected to not receive any. So, I wanted to point out here, that I did understand that those comments were not directed specifically at me. Intemperate remarks are a staple of the web. No big deal. Even if directed at me, I can be annoyed by them, I can get over it too.

Moreover, comments like that have been in made even in serious scholarly debates, attracting both support and ridicule, so one can't allow oneself to get worked up about that in an informal chat forum.

I decided to leave for the very general reasons stated in the post above.
Good Luck!

 

no. do not ignore it. find out why it is that you get banned repeatedly and continue to come back and start threads with a personal agenda built in. male members have posted here, consistent, respectful and maintaining the decorum of the forum. there have been NO " vitriolic" responses to them precisely because of their conduct.

i think it is very condescending and thoughtless of you to suggest ignoring and continuing when members are clearly showing a collective disapproval of your posting.

getting banned and coming back repeatedly itself shows a lack of positive contribution to the forum!

 

sokanasanah, this was a stalker. irrespective of male or female, this is the volatile way in which they behave. so, i don't understand why this stalker helped you to relate to how women feel.

in your own personal situation with the stalker, you chose not to take it further. so, why not give OP the same choice, not call them out? i don't particularly like that word, but that is exactly what it is. and this is precisely what many women are protesting against.

i find this statement to be contradictory. one on hand you want clarity from the OP on the other you state that ambiguity will always be present.

to me, this is not about ambiguity but the persistence and utter disregard shown by some male members in their real intent to join this forum. to call them out on it is NOT to imply that ALL male members are here with similar intentions.

well, good for them. but i don't follow what these examples have to do with this thread.

no doubt. but there is no reason to just tolerate their nonsense silently.

 

Sokanasanah,

I do not think your examples can be applied to virtual stalking. For example when you make friends in the real world you meet them first, some people ask for your number and if they are after you, they start sending you spam then get personal etc. This happens fast and widely in the case of internet stalking. All our IDs are out in the open for everyone to see. So a person can do this with huge number of people at the same time and come back again and again with different Ids. Do you see this happening in the real world? Once you are in bad graces there is no way you can revert it.

Your second set of examples suggest that continual stalking may lead to positive ending or that the victim is not actually a victim at all. The first example clearly implies that both the parties were into each other which is not stalking at all!!! In the second example - if she really did not like the person and he continued with hitting i would call it stalking. I do not understand mind games in love matters so i will not comment on her behaviour of acting coy. But the women in IL are not giving a token protest and i hope you can differentiate between the two situations.

As coolwinds also suggested and i also commented sarcastically to Darmesh that acceptance of stalking or abusive behaviour is a personal choice but it is never correct.

As to the site being a women oriented site rather than a pan india website I understand your being uncomfortable in a site where the members of one gender are a lot more than the other but there are many gender non specific threads like health, fitness, nutrition, general discussions. It is your personal choice ofcourse but i would have liked to see men also contributing in a positive manner. For eg: why not a thread for fitness where men post their routines, a thread on their diet, daily routines and hassles, sports, automobiles etc. Enrich this website by making it the go to forum for all practical purposes not only for emotional reasons. There are lot of women who are interested in nontraditional matters considered "men specific" and they would probably love to participate or butt heads with you there.

 

I think women generally get outraged if they see men who do not understand the basic points we state very clearly which men do not take it as seriously. For eg: @Quebec - I am not sure if you are perpetually in a joking state and never take anything seriously. Your he he ha ha made no sense to me. Safety of women and men in this forum is not a joking matter. Sense the mood of the thread before showing your supposedly funny side. And no you do not get any points for being a self proclaimed MCP. It is not a title like Dr. to be proud of.

@Darmesh - I do not support tashidelek2002's tone. If you throw a rock in the mud you get muddy. Your eagerness to know exactly what the trash in the PM was exactly does not endear yourself to women. Be sensitive to women and issues of women in a thread addressed to the problems faced by a woman in this site. I do not have any hope of changing your perception that women should cut off all their rights to remain safe but i will suggest you to give a moment's hesitation next time you post such comments.

 

Yes, I have done my settings in that way. But, I have written a PM to you. Please read it and stay in touch with me, through my email.

see you later.