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Guys dont reply to ladies personal thread

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Happy016, Jan 14, 2014.

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  1. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    For the PMs, i have a suggestion. If a member wants to send a PM to another member, the very first time, the member has to send a PM request (similar to friend request), if the other member accepts the pm request then only the sender can send a PM with a message to the recipient. The recipient can decline the request or ignore it. If the recipient ignores and does not decline the request, the sender can't send another request. if the recipient declines the request, then the sender can send a pm request again.

    This way inappropriate messages can be sent.
     
  2. darmesh

    darmesh Platinum IL'ite

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    Oh..! Not again !

    You are no where in picture sir !

    Already, one very respected, very senior male member, Sokanasanah, got so deeply hurt by a very particular word in a particular comment. Strangely, that comment was specifically addressed to my name. Time and again, I am telling him, why is he getting hurt and reacting in this way, having taken things at a personal level, when the actual offensive comment was specifically directed at me, by my name.

    If some one has to make a big hue and cry on it, then it should be me. When I am keeping quiet, why can't he keep quiet by ignoring it ?

    Now, Viswa ! you also enter into picture and say, "I am ready to leave",

    Not again ! I repeat , you are no where in picture in the on going discussion, Viswa !

    For your reputation in this forum, you should not have dropped in this thread.

    Did you appreciate, one point ? The OP herself has disappeared. Several people above have questioned the genuineness of the OP as well as her grievance.
     
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2014
  3. CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

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    Have to give my two cents ...

    I do not see why there is a need to divide people into men and women. Topics like TTC, EMA is also related to men (at least to some extent) and most men have experiences from their wives/sisters/girlfriends. When a person is writing in the forum he/she is not representing all men/women in the world. It is one single person expressing his/her views. If the content of the writing is offensive then that post should be removed/maybe the writer banned. But still it is that persons view, not all mens/womens view.

    Same also apply to PM:s. If you get those "Hi, I am xxx" then ignore them. If the PM is offensive report the PM/writer.

    I somehow cringe when women are kind of pictured as weak creatures that need some extra protection.
     
    kaniths, heron, Dolly_Lite and 8 others like this.
  4. jeera2013

    jeera2013 Silver IL'ite

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    Considering the OP's request, lets assume that guys already in IL wont reply to the threads in the mentioned topics.

    What if the male member comes again in the guise of female ID?

    Then how does one identify if the respondents to her threads are only ladies?

    I feel people who explicitly state their gender as male are safer.

    OP, how far are you comfortable in receiving PM's from ladies? (trying to make friends with you by sending PM)

    From your original post, I understand you are super irritated towards only one (mysterious?) person. Tell others who he is. He is not scarlet pimpernel and so it's not worth to hide his name. You seem to be talking for all the ladies. So it would be of use to others too if you reveal the content of the PM and the sender.

    I would like to quote my own experience. During my college days, I had to use these Government buses for travelling. During the peak hours, when the buses are particularly crowded, the girls and women standing in the crowd, face numerous problem mostly due to men (misbehaviour).
    Being relatively new to Government buses I was first shocked by the situations my friends and I had to face. Initially we avoided crowded buses, started early, skipped going to the canteen eventhough we were hungry and several other things to avoid such problems. But it didn't work in long run. We had to face that problem during some unfortunate days.
    Then we sat together and started framing ideas.
    1) keeping engineerng geometry boxes and drafters visibly (this idea was proposed by a boy, our classmate)
    2) wearing a platform heeled slipper to stamp the person
    and many more

    Point is that I was expecting wise people in this forum will come up with ideas to fight back and punish the problem creator. Sone ideas were already given. But wondering why this thread took a different route

    OP, please atleast request the mod to close the thread before we lose some more good posters.
     
    3 people like this.
  5. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Agree.Besides who can tell on an anonymous forum if the gender of the poster is what is stated. There is really no proof that you and I are actually female....
    the real idiots who want to post for voyeuristic pleasure are more likely to do it as females.If the poster is really sensitive to having males(even the serious ones) on her thread...she can request it in the opening post in bold.Most serious male posters are sensitive enough to understand. Having a blanket ban on men posting on certain topics is not fair to the men and to the many women who do not mind getting the views of men on these topics.
     
    2 people like this.
  6. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    There were some official guidelines posted for male members to follow. I agreed with the need for those and the guidelines.

    Now, it looks like male members are being expected to follow the guidelines or requirements or expectations that every female member can come up with.

    Soka, good luck. Wherever you go, many will benefit. Our loss.
     
    3 people like this.
  7. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    Sorry for the typo in the earlier post.
     
  8. Induslady

    Induslady Administrator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Closing for now, but will respond soon.
     
  9. Induslady

    Induslady Administrator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear IL’ites,

    Having reviewed this thread, getting into who is right and wrong and where this thread took its obnoxious turn isn’t going to be helpful. So, please let me share a few comments and a way forward.

    1) We have been repeatedly telling IL’ites that the best defense in keeping our community safe, friendly and helpful is to “report” inappropriate posts/private messages. It is fundamental for maintaining the quality in our community. An IL'ite should NOT ignore or take it in stride.

    We take reported posts/private messages very seriously and act immediately. There was a member who labored here for 2 years with 800+ posts. He then slowly started soliciting. A recipient reported his private message. The next day, all his posts and the user account was deleted. Just like that, his 2 years of contribution vaporized. We will act without hesitation.

    If we are vigilant in protecting our community, those soliciting/spamming will know it is a waste of time trying to fish in Indusladies. I have very little sympathy for those who complain about solicitation but won’t take the extra step to report the post. Starting threads like this and making cryptic statements about the violator hurts the community by making people imagine the worst. Reporting the post is a 100x more effective solution.

    2) Admins, with inputs from moderators make policies for our community. Policies are not made by member consensus on individual threads. The policy continues to be that "genuine" male participation is welcome in this site.

    Yes, there are men joining the site with dubious reasons. But the thoughtful and compassionate insight offered by the few genuine male members continues to make it worthwhile to deal with the nuisance.

    To set proper male participation guidelines and to give us broader latitude in dealing with those dubious men, we introduced the higher standards for men. As long as that is followed, men are welcome here. That is the site policy.

    Where we go from here...

    I have seen this story repeat too many times. Someone starts what seems to be a innocuous thread. Along the way, it takes ugly turns hurting too many people as if a bulldozer razed through a happy village. I don’t want the story of this thread also to end that way. I want this thread to be the genesis of something positive and constructive. Here is what I have in mind.

    Also, dear sokanasanah, if you are reading this, I would love for you to contribute to this effort as well. I will make yours the first contribution in our guide.

    Let’s make something positive come out of this. Go here!

    Malathy

    P.S - I am leaving the thread closed, because we want to move forward from here. I will see all of you here to take things forward.
     
    kaniths, samal, attitudegirl and 7 others like this.
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