1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Guys dont reply to ladies personal thread

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Happy016, Jan 14, 2014.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. sdiva20

    sdiva20 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,300
    Likes Received:
    4,058
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    And since we are taking about men and "ladies personal thread" and trying to eliminate gender discriminations, how about some robust male participations in forums/ sub-forums like "parenting" "toddlers", "infants", "fashion" or threads like "time saving tricks for Indian cooking", "need to lose 10-15 kgs" , "daily prayers" etc.

    I am sure the rest of us would really learn from the erudite/ enthusiastic male members on these topics as well especially their experiences on raising infants/ toddlers or how they keep their kitchen spotless or the tricks they employ to manage home more efficiently, recipes that is their go-to, to feed their wife, kids, parents, in-laws or friends, child's birthday party planning and such. I really have not seen the same level of participation (if any) by male members in those threads as I see in threads that discuss women having intimacy issues, or period issues or EMA or problems with in-laws etc.
     
    6 people like this.
  2. coolwinds

    coolwinds Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    839
    Likes Received:
    1,084
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    can you translate that into plain english, please. it's kind of hard to comprehend. maybe i am not eating that same brulee.
     
  3. coolwinds

    coolwinds Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    839
    Likes Received:
    1,084
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    this here is the red herring of the discussion.
     
    1 person likes this.
  4. riya123

    riya123 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    782
    Likes Received:
    463
    Trophy Points:
    138
    Gender:
    Female
    In one of the other threads people were vouching that it is safe in IL to discuss marital issues while sharing the marital problems with real life friends is a complete forbidden thing. I had the same concerns as you that sharing marital problems even in IL carries the same level of risk as in real life. I would be keen to see what they think about situations like these where some members try to get too comfortable through suggestions and participation in threads and try to build contact via PMs. It is really not that hard to track an online account down to the real person. I am sure these stalkers would be well versed with that.
     
  5. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    11,474
    Likes Received:
    20,286
    Trophy Points:
    538
    Gender:
    Male
    What is wrong in Happy asking men not to send personal messages? She has every right to demand her privacy. However, it is really hard to stop male members responding to any issue, unless they on their own restrain themselves from responding to questions on TTC or EMA. It is impossible to screen the members for their gender leave alone their reasons for being a member in IL. Generally, forum etiquette warrants all members (not only male members) to write with mutual respect. It is difficult to pinpoint a particular way to deal with harassment, as only the lady member involved will know the level of intensity. At the sametime, it is also not fair to many male members who write with respect, to generalize that they are all of the same category. For example, I have responded to select matters in married life section with the genuine intention to help a suffering person. I have also voiced my opinion if I thought the actions made by the poster were wrong. But everything was presented with respect to OP. I have participated in weight management discussions and I have written many threads about parenting and adoption. Not all male members are only interested in married life section.

    This forum has discussed whether to have men as members of this forum are not earlier and with much discussion with members, the founders and moderators decided to let men participate in this forum. Obviously, the reason why this came up for discussion is because of certain male members not conforming to the etiquette of this forum. The participation of male members are well received by most members in this forum even today. Like every society, the majority of participants have a right attitude to behave well while a few others are determined to disturb the decorum. While it is prudent for everyone to behave well, it is impossible to eradicate this menace in its entirety. The only other option is to ask all male members to leave. If that is the general consensus, I am ready to leave.

    In my humble opinion, the women members are already using their discretion to ignore PMs wherever possible. When it warrants reporting, they do bring it to the attention of moderators. That is how a few members were banned in the past. If the harassment is an ongoing problem, the member concerned has no option but to bring it to the attention of all other members not only to warn them but also to find a solution. In this case, OP was gently asking male members to stay away from certain threads because of her experience. We have no reason to question her reasoning nor make a judgment about her handling the matter.

    Viswa
     
    4 people like this.
  6. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    3,915
    Likes Received:
    7,181
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    :shock: :shock: Just realized i don't participate in any of these myself ..Wonder what Freud would have to say about me:shaking:
     
    1 person likes this.
  7. bhuvnidhi

    bhuvnidhi IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    3,273
    Likes Received:
    1,905
    Trophy Points:
    308
    Gender:
    Female
    Bang on , Viswa sir!

    This is what is expected from the male members here.When the OP requests the male members to stay away from certain threads, why is it so difficult for men to stay away from it?I still cannot figure out the confrontation and compulsion behind their defense.

    There are times (particularly in recent days) , when the thread gets dominated by male members here and finally it turns out to be fun thread with lots of chit-chatting even on serious issues.Not against having fun but there are quiet a few threads where the male members have diluted the issue itself.The site was once considered to be safe by a lot of people here(With all due respect to the MODs here as I know how much work/headache is involved there ).

    There are members here who like to have male participation and the others do not.Why not respect each others view?Why do we jump to conclusions and get emotional.I think the ladies here know to pick up the right PMs and ignore the rest.But doesn't the OP have any right to say "STOP" to "those" male members openly?Yes, internet is not safe .But how is it going to help by encouraging spam in the name of "protect yourself or get trapped".

    There are few male members here who have the decency and the basic ethics to give respect to female members around.I am sure OP is not talking about them.No confrontation and refrainment from this topic by those members shows the maturity level they preserve.I am sure lot of IL members here would welcome such male members who know their boundary and RESPECT the women folks here.

    Again , the above is my opinion/choice.
     
    3 people like this.
  8. coolwinds

    coolwinds Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    839
    Likes Received:
    1,084
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    thank you, Viswa sir. you are the embodiment of your signature line. to ask good members to leave for the actions of a boorish few was never the intent behind any of my posts thus far. continuing to post on such a contentious thread and putting forth unpopular opinions can be alienating. your understanding goes a long way in mitigating that feeling! on another thread, on the topic of male members who make a positive contribution, among the few names i mentioned was that of sokanasanah and yours. to see the same members talking about leaving the forum is far from the idea behind developing this discussion.

    as a senior member with a strong contribution to this forum, who also happens to be male, it is very heartening to know your thoughts on the subject.
     
    2 people like this.
  9. nemesis

    nemesis Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,454
    Likes Received:
    2,483
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Male
    One indianguy2010( and very recently, 2013) was a brisk participant in the weight loss thread. Just saying!
     
    2 people like this.
  10. Marun

    Marun Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,204
    Likes Received:
    2,196
    Trophy Points:
    290
    Gender:
    Male
    So many posts in very short time?? Interesting!

    I never involve in ladies personal threads mostly!

    In the new posts page, all the section threads get listed. Just used to sneak in if the thread title tells something which I can help!
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page