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Guys dont reply to ladies personal thread

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Happy016, Jan 14, 2014.

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  1. thegirlygirl

    thegirlygirl Platinum IL'ite

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    What exactly is 'womens' issue?

    Why can't a male participate in threads related to ttc, pregnancy, labour, EMA, MIL issues or any other 'female' oriented stuff, if they have valuable inputs to give?

    Don't they have their beloved mothers, wives, sisters, girlfriends, daughters going through all these?

    Are they supposed to be just mere spectators to all this?

    Which century are we living in?
     
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  2. riya123

    riya123 Gold IL'ite

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    So true.

    If am comprehending the crux of the issue, OP has received some stalking/harrassing PMs. In response to that some feminist supporters believe that all men should be banned from responding to women's threads. So some men responded to it saying that 'not all men harass women and not all men stalk women, so it should be gender neutral and that anybody, irrespective of gender, should be able to participate in any thread of their choice'. I don't think any male member here has supported the stalker or those indecent PMs, in fact they have outlined the alternatives available to the OP.


    If OP has received indecent PMs then she has the alternative to report those posts to the mods and have that person kicked out of the forum. Not sure how banning all male members would solve the problem. Do people here think that a stalker would not re-register on this forum with a woman's name from a different IP. Banning entire gender from participating is NOT THE SOLUTION TO STALKING/HARASSMENT.


    It is irrational and illogical to ban an entire section of people based on their gender and suppress their freedom to express their views.
     
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  3. sokanasanah

    sokanasanah Finest Post Winner

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    Well, me too.

    I have no problems doing that. Why would you imagine that I would?

    “Guys, be serious in serious threads. Be deeply sensitive to the feelings of the recipient. Participate if you must, help if you can, but most of all do no harm”.

    I simply happen to think that this is unnecessary for a decent chap and that it will have no influence on an idiot, because that is who he is by definition. All I am saying is - leave some room for that rare creature, a man of integrity, even in “intimate” threads.

    Where did I “rationalize creepy behavior” and “ignore such behavior”?
    How much clearer could I have been than “taking out the trash”?

    It does absolutely nothing of the kind.

    What it attempts to say is this: “I have no influence on the idiots. They are immune to anything I may have to say, by definition. However, I hope you and I can talk like adults. We can eliminate the fools by eliminating anonymity (right on the forum or in the background, at registration). However that would defeat some of the goals of the forum. The same anonymity that provides value also attracts idiots. So let us, you and I, as non-idiot, adult participants in a forum with both a public face and guaranteed anonymity, accept a measure of civic responsibility and collaborate in taking out the trash periodically. This means that some idiots will continue to intrude, but it would also leave room for useful input from some knowledgeable, sincere man. I would like to convince you that this trade-off is the very foundation of the marketplace of ideas, of free expression in a free society, of what it means to be an educated adult”.

    Coolwinds asked me why I wished to draw attention to my record on IL. This is why. I was, and remain, acutely aware that my comportment here, my living by example would carry no weight, unless I provided a reminder. Is there any way, any way at all that I am able to relinquish that much vaunted ‘male privilege’? Perhaps it's as easy as choosing a female ID?
     
  4. arch1209

    arch1209 Platinum IL'ite

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  5. Nandshyam

    Nandshyam IL Hall of Fame

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    Arch, guess archana...

    if that line came from me a woman, how would u have reacted...

    99% of threads in this forum is about opinions and people left right and center giving it off.. Why not a man, why are we sexualising these things.. He just said, don't be upset, there are alternatives, cant we see it maturely that way???? Why is sexism always if it involves a male member posting something.

    man, now I can see why soka wants to vaporize from this forum....lol...
     
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  6. sokanasanah

    sokanasanah Finest Post Winner

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    Well, I consider this axiomatic for any reasonable person, male or female. That's why it was not said. However, if like in an election interview, you press on to ask "Senator, what is your position on gay marriage" then I will articulate my position and I did, for you.

    There are multiple strands in the thread, some from the OP, some from respondents. That is the nature of these forums. However even if one wished to take an originalist position, it's in the OP. Her request and support for it would constitute a de facto 'ban' or provide the impetus for a real one. Again, this is a privately held site, Malathy can do as she pleases. I am arguing a matter of principle. I am not vested in the outcome.


    Where did I say "creepy PMs" are OK? As for your "e-mail admirer", I have already pointed out that I have been in a situation far worse, I was asked to let it go.


    Since when is solipsism a defense?
    First, you could have given me a handicap for my record. Then you could seek clarification instead of being outraged. I volunteered a clarification, every word of which is derivable from the more compact version.


    Again that "ignore". Where did I say ignore? Take out the trash. Incinerate it if you must. That's what one does with trash.

    Precisely what every minute of my participation in IL has been.

    And by virtue of being a woman ....? Never the twain shall meet?
    Education, art, literature, life itself is an effort to transcend such limitation and reach out across the void.
     
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  7. coolwinds

    coolwinds Platinum IL'ite

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    i think at this point, seeing how some new posters are bringing up the "male perspective is much needed, why are you protesting" line of thought into this discussion, i bet that is exactly what many are thinking and scratching their heads. 'why can't we all just get along?" this is not even the main thread of this discussion!

    frankly, it was quite disappointing to see someone of sokanasanah's caliber bring up egregious examples of the old prof with a young fling, woman protesting against creepy attention going on to "live happy as a a clam" with the offender! also, advising a woman how to view those PMs she's been bothered by. male privilege indeed.

    to me, i keep coming back to the impunity with which banned posters keep coming back, creating personal agenda driven threads and watching the drama. is that what IL is devolving into?

    sokanasanah, make up your mind-leaving or staying? no one needs any clarification from you, by now members have come to understand positive contributions you make to the forum.
     
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  8. arch1209

    arch1209 Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes, it is difficult to separate it because I think our gender changes our experience and impacts the way we think and act. Maybe you disagree with me.

    On that note I guess it is time for me retreat back into my shell and stay there for a longer period of time.

    Coolwinds I agree with you! Why are we raising a storm, we definitely have better things to do on a Sunday.
     
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  9. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Just who are we kidding here..?

    We can have members sign up with a gender on a profile worth less than the bit used to store it ...
    Any one can send PM to any one...regardless of the number of posts or any track record...

    we have (wo?)men talk about undergarments EMA ...their jerk of a spouse..wonder if they should divorce....all this apparently not personal ...since its up for a few million to see and we worry about response from the one man who has actually taken the time to register with an ID .
    We are ready to trash an entire community of male posters..for a poster who is yet to show proof...
    Why does it matter? ..Credibility matters atleast to me. I have been here for a long time now..the horrors of predatory males and their PMs..I am yet to see..
    I question this whole ludicrous fear..this baseless trashing and the need to have double standards.
    One can fight with reason ..with facts with numbers ..not with
    this..this is illogical ,irrational and sheer nonsense.
     
  10. sokanasanah

    sokanasanah Finest Post Winner

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    My mind is made up, I am leaving - as long as I am not addressed directly or by innuendo. When that happens I feel compelled to defend my argument and integrity - that is both an obligation and a responsibility.

    As for those 'egregious' examples, they were vignettes, at graded levels of severity and outcome, to highlight the variety of human experience, variety of event and response, not a one-to-one correspondence invitation to outrage.

    If this had been my thread to close, I would have made that request quite a while ago.
     
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