Guide Me Kindly

I think you should take care of your mom that's the right thing to do. But true it is a bit unfair to husband as it was not planned so try to be fair to him also and arrive at a compromise where you can take care of your mom and his career not spoilt either. Also, what about his parents- doesn't he want to come back and take care of them?
An only child should discuss with spouse atleast before moving abroad, whether it is permanent or will they come back to take care of their parents. So, in that way try to understand your husband perspective that he may be feeling terrible about throwing away a career he worked so hard for and disrupt his life plans. This is not to blame you but understand his perspective.
But I do agree you should not leave your mother alone in any case.So try to have an open discussion with your husband and reach a compromise. Tell him a solution - how about he gets to keep his career abroad and also get your mom to live with you . If he doesn't agree, the other option is to move back to India. He too should be willing to make some compromise for the marriage. Have frank honest discussion and don't feel intimidated. I dont agree with him that your priority as a mother vs daughter, yes we have more responsibility towards our children they are our first responsibility but we should not neglect our parents either.

 

Thanks for clarifying. Its not good for him to change plans like this and I can understand how you must be feeling, I'm not sure he will ever want to return to India, because now situation is convenient for him as his parents are abroad and well taken care of.But I can really understand your pain.

Try to be strong and discuss with your husband that its not morally correct to leave your mom alone in India,and share your genuine concerns and pain. Tell him how much it is affecting your health and mental peace as you cannot take care of your mom. Just be strong.All the best. Make sure that moving to India you should take care of his parents also in India, because that could possibly be one reason because his parents are not in India anymore and travelling from Canada to India every year may not be feasible. Thats why he may be reluctant so have a frank discussion about everything.

 

I too am an only child like you. You are lucky to have two babies, hopefully one of your sons will be in a position to take care of you in old age.
Try to get your mom to stay with you as long as possible with her other duties and VISA restrictions.
Try to visit India and stay with her as long as your situation permits.

 

In India, if the elder relative does not want to retire to a retirement home, then there is the option of hiring a companion lady to live at home.
Essentially the hired lady would do much of the housework, and be a companion to the resident (owner) lady. The foreign relative can transfer money to their older relative's account, and also make the monthly salary payments to the companion lady.
Investigate if such a thing is feasible in the town the mother is living. Family for hire: Old and lonely? Here’s company, and help, you can get for a fee

 

Prioritizing your roles need to be based the situations. Your kids are most important. But if your mom falls sick, she will need you more. Being 63 and acting alone for elderly people will take a toll on her. Make sure that she has ample help to do that - house help as well as nursing help.

When it is her turn to be taken care of, normally it would be around 10 years from now. Assure her that you will be there for her no matter what. Put her mind to rest. In 10 years time, your kids will be less dependent, you will be more secure visa wise, financially etc.

I see couples settled abroad, travelling frequently for few weeks at a time separately (most of the time) to take care of their parents. Things will work out. Discuss with your husband keeping a 5-10 year time frame rather than a move right now.