Grievance - discretion advisable?

ShrutiB · Aug 19, 2012

A true friend is one on whose shoulders you can cry on and who shares your laughter too in happy times.

Our natural reaction to any depressing event is to pour our heart out and vent our fury to the person/people who are close to us. This could be our mother, sister, brother, father, other relatives, friends, neighbours (notice the extension of relativity).

But can we truly trust anyone with our 'secret'? Our parents, yes, probably would be the most closest to safeguarding our 'secret' but what about the rest? :shhh:

Grievances often escalate and are found more common occurence after marriage, especially ladies, with respect to their in-laws, sister in laws etc.:bang

What happens if say, your 'secret' leaks out? Even better you get to hear it yourself from the person who was not supposed to know it!!!

Also does sharing your grievances in online forums actually solve your problems?

It is an age old saying - Never let your problems out of the four walls of your home. The problem will not get solved, it might become worse.

Is this true? Do we suffer in silence?

Discretion is defined as
<li style="list-style-type: decimal;">The quality of behaving or speaking in such a way as to avoid causing offense or revealing private information.<li style="list-style-type: decimal;">The freedom to decide what should be done in a particular situation
Discretion also is synonymous with prudence which means the ability to govern and discipline oneself with reason.

If being discreet guards your image, enables you to avoid unnecessary intrusions in your personal matters and also allows to think of a solution to the problem at hand in a cautious and practical manner, it is but obvious that you will be making a wise decision.

Discretion is the better part of valour - Faistaff, Henry the IV Part 1 Act 5 Scene 4

ShrutiB · Aug 19, 2012

I remembered my friend advising me this, "Never tell anyone anything that you wouldn't want anyone/everyone to know."

I keep reminding this to myself whenever I feel I need to shout out and vent out my feelings.
The best friend in times of turmoil or anxiety is God. You just have to close your eyes and think whenever you get some quiet time. Try to remember the anxious moment/conversation/situation in sequence. You will be clear as to who was at fault or what went wrong. Once that is sorted out, think about God, pray or tell a stotram/hymn. Believe me it will clarify your mind, help you find a solution to the problem,and relax you.
This is much better than going and talking to anybody well wisher or not.

bhucat · Aug 20, 2012

Dear Shruti, As you told secrets should be kept secret. But many a time, some of us do not know whether we have done the actions correctly or not. For which if they do not want to share their matter with their mom or relatives, they ask for opinion in the public forums. That is not at all a bad thing, but they should not again be confused out of so many responses. They should again have to give work to brain to choose the best option out of it. We know very well that what we take all time is the answer which we want, that is not at all good.

Instead, we can try to hear the discourse of epics like Ramayana, Bhagavada etc which has plenty of useful matters on how to lead a happy and blissful life. Along with that as you said we can surrender ourselves in His feet which are the best options to try to solve the problem and gain the solution for our issues.

Coming to the secrets, yes it is best to keep silent but try to find solution only by the above mentioned manner is a good one.

MeghanaT · Aug 22, 2012

hmm..Its unrejectable truth.

Surely expressing to someone gives us peace/happiness. But now-a-times, really it will be more problametic.

It also fars people from us. Shows negative attitude. Do not mean, opening up is wrong.

But as i saw below quotation in one-of-my friend's room
"Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them"

My mind stopped me to share things with friends

skalluri · Oct 4, 2012

how are we can confide to our friends, family is the matter, defenitely we need the support in times of turmoil, crisis , family problems which are beyond our control, but who can we confide is the matter. Do you think you can trust the same person again and again to confide all your feelings for all your situations. My answer is no, one person may be good in understanding some kind of situation because they face the similar situation and other person whom we trust may not understand it because they didn't go through it yet.So, it is all relative.

Yes to some extent it is true to not to vent out everything, have patience, ask yourself the answer for it, take help of your inner guidance, pray to God, if nothing is helping you out, reach out to others, after all we are connected to each other in this world and meanth to help each other.

SK.