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Greedy MIL torture help help dying!!!!

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Saina999, Feb 19, 2016.

  1. Saina999

    Saina999 New IL'ite

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    Hello Ladies,

    I have been married for four years and always get headaches with MIL. I joined my husband who was working in USA after 5 months of my marriage and recently his project work is finished and now we are back to our home country.Before marriage I worked in an IT company and left it after marriage.Since ours is an arranged marriage we gave dowry,gold,liquid cash and what not everything which my MIL can't even expect.But she is such a greedy and money minded lady always torturing me.I have an old model Necklace which my parents gave it in my marriage and my MIL always forces me to exchange that old model necklace with a new one.(FYI:She did not buy even 1 gram of gold for me with her money till now.She used all the money that DH had sent for Marriage,clothes,gifts etc.) We are now staying with our parents from the last 5 months since we should not go to our home this year.She always calls my mother(my mother a very silent and sensitive lady) and complains her about my behavior of not calling her and asking about her and my FIL's health.(they are quite good enough living a healthy life). I don't call her and I don't want to talk to her because she is such a crap that she always tortures me with her comments like "why are you not working I mean job?"All DIL's are earning and helping their MIL's and doing lots of service.She says that I am not mingling with her and she doesnt like that it seems.After my marriage I stayed in INDIA for 5 months due to delay in VISA and for that my MIL said looks like you are not lucky enough to go to USA.Once a snake came into their house and she said it came because of your leg.She always praised herself and FIL that they are only the great hard workers in this whole world.MY DH only took all responsibilites sending money to them and he gave money to his brother to get a JOB.(BIL is such a nasty fellow he always grabs money from us.We bought a Laptop for him worth 2000$ and a phone 400$ and still he wants a camera from us.I just stopped my DH saying its enough till now).MIL and FIL also tried to send BIL to USA so that he will earn a lot and they can get dowry.She also thought of coming to USA and living happily there but it did not happen(May be she is not lucky enough). Every weekend they do video chat with DH for at least 4 hours. The money which we earned in USA we sent to FIL's Account and they bought a flat in the name of their younger son without telling us that they took our money.Now FIL bought a land which is not worth and had a huge loss and he told us to take that since he cannot bear all the loss.MIL took my gold and silver and kept in locker.We have some Farms and we get money each year from those farms.MIL took that money and gave to her sister without me and DH telling about it.After we are back to home country and when DH asked about it she told like that but I don't know how far it is true.DH also has some farms and MIL saying that they will not give that money until their younger son gets married and ITz a rule.My grandmother and MIL live in the same village.Whenever I go to MIL home she will not at all allow me to go to my granny' house and says that everyone in village will laugh if I go to my grannys house.Like this lot of incidents happened and all my elders are saying me to just keep quiet.Due to this I am spoiling my mind and no peace at all just feel like dying some times :-(

    Please tell me how to handle this creature..
     
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  2. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    I would advice u to politely handle things in ur way. Don't worry op these are day to day small issues only
    Start being assertive little by little.
     
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  3. Lakshmi90

    Lakshmi90 Senior IL'ite

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    My step sis in law was demanding too much from us, fil has given the house to my step bil long ago now step sis in law is sitting there and doesn allow fil and her step mom( my mil to enter it),she came in the picture only during my wedding,pestering us to send money to fil's spendthrift brother,my husband or me doesnt even have a house we cant keep any of our stuffs there, step sis in law is stealing them, she demanded so much from us in the urgent wedding and now pestering me to come back to india leaving my husband and take inlaws with us to stay
     
  4. Saina999

    Saina999 New IL'ite

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    thanks for your reply...I used to ignore all her comments and do my work but now a days she is commanding me that I have to just listen to her what to do and what not to do.She doesn't even give respect to my parents sometimes.Doesn't give value to their words.Tries to dominate us in all the situations and everybody have to listen to her.May be I have not written all the serious scenes that my MIL created some time back so looks like that these are quite common. I am fed up with her completely.
     
  5. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Next time she says that, just tell her it is not going to happen.
     
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  6. MULLAI62

    MULLAI62 Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Sania,
    You have written your problems. Right. What is your husband's opinion? How he reacted for all?

    While you are earning you must do saving. It is a son's duty( Who is doing that?) to take care of his parents. If he is a pensioner you can give a certain amount, else if possible you can take care of them fully.

    But the properties you buy from your earning should be registered on your name or your husband's name.

    The very first time you can say all joined together cheated us. But the next time when it happens, you are the sole responsible for your loss. Dont allow them to cheat.

    If your husband is on your side, you can take actions with bold. I faced the same problem in my life.

    My in laws never like us to save anything. My FIL is a pensioner and not even saving any thing for us. As you told even a single gram gold was not given. I told my husband we are earning money with lot of suffer. They are sitting at home and enjoying. He understood me. So problem solved. We started saving.

    So handle with care.
     
  7. Saina999

    Saina999 New IL'ite

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    Please somebody help me.It has been 10 years and the problem is still not solved.All that i posted previously and this is the continuation of story.Now Im having a 5 year old kid and he is also suffering like me in the past.Mistake is with both husband and inlaws.My husband is a kind of old generation man though he is educated his behaviour changes sometimes and im always scared of his behaviour.Inlaws are so much habituated to have the money of their elder son They are not allowing us to live happily.sometimes husband accepts this and sometimes he again changes that im the villain.He is grown up in a village environment and he doesnt have much friends.He just sits at home all time and the only people he talk to is his parents,grandmother and his mother's sisters thats all.Sometime back he realised that his parents are wicked and he told me that he made a mistake by sending all the money to them without saving a rupee.Now he is saying because of me he lost his relationship with his parents.Initial days of marriage i observed this in him and thought of telling this to my parents once im back to india but somehow mil forced me to have kids she kept so much pressure on me to have kids and made that happen.My husband is like so conjuse he doesnt want to spend anything .Should not keep maid,Should not use geyser for hot water,Should not buy vegetables if they are costly should not always buy food from outside.I always fighted for these small.issues and now i think he changed anyhow i get pocket money from.my parents and i try to manage with that whatever i want i buy with that.Problem is MIL still wants money and her plan is like once we fight and get divorced she wants her son to get married to a DIL who nods her head for whatever she says.Husband is also in that track.Now all of them are blaming me .Husband cannot utter a word infront of his parents even if they do mistake but if i do any small thing he will shout at me and make me cry always im doi g this from the time i got married.now my son is also with me .I just want to die because i beared with them and i cannot see my kid also suffer this pain.MIL BIl FIL want expect husbands money and my parents have to feed me and husband.Husband cannot utter a word if her mother makes me cry infront of him.A split personality husband and greedy parents.im not able to handle this anymore.pls help
     
  8. Patientone

    Patientone Silver IL'ite

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    Hi are you okay? Would love to hear an update.

    what id say is stop ruining your health and getting depressed and stop talking about them to your husband. Show your husband you don’t care about them and be happy and everything will fall into place. Every time they ask for money you ask for money too and then gradually build it up. Week by week increase the food bill and say everything is getting expensive. (This is not a lie because everything is getting expensive). Buy nice clothes for your son and yourself. Get one thing for your husband that he needs when you go shopping and win his heart this way. Your in-laws will ask for money but one day your husband will realise and say I don’t have enough or ohh what have I done. Let him bond with his parents (he’ll see their true nature in due time). Because they won’t have access to you they’ll take their frustrations out on him.
     
  9. Patientone

    Patientone Silver IL'ite

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    Tell your mum not to pick her call up. Ring her back later and then cut the phone and say your busy. You do the same.
     

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