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Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by uvs, Apr 18, 2011.

  1. uvs

    uvs New IL'ite

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    Hi ladies,
    I live abroad with dh and have a kid.
    My in laws don t seem to be bad,mean,crooked.But they are.
    I loved them much but not now.
    my dh is the bread winner of the family.He is a bit mama s boy.
    When i was in India i once accidentally heard my mil s chat with sil.
    I went out to bank,forgot some photo copies at home so i returned to home for taking it.at that time my mil was telling to sil on phone "andha saniyan nethu 2 chudidhar eduthuchu,en paiyan kaasa epadi thanniya selavu panura"-meaning pointing me-that satan bought 2 chudhis yesterday,she is spending my son s money like water.At that time i got inside-immediately she said "ennada chellam(she always calls me chellam,vada,poda......very caring words in tamil.Now i hate these words when it comes from her mouth)you returned fast.I kept my face cool and said i forgot a thing so i came.after taking it i went out.In the road literally i was crying and going.I could not bear her betrayal.This incident took 3 months before.
    Now i m abroad.It took almost 3 months for me to forget that incident(still couldnt forget it completely).Now i don t love them at all.I don t want to pretend like them.i just want to maintain hai bye relationship with my in laws and sil.
    suggestions are invited for the hai bye relationship
     
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  2. priya4prabhu

    priya4prabhu Silver IL'ite

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    Just be polite..

    you dont have to discuss the incident.. and do not have to pretend that it did not happen...

    Behave it in the way that all are forgiven in your daily life.. they willl understand it
     
  3. sheztheone

    sheztheone Platinum IL'ite

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    OP, let me tell u this-it is good that you got to know this way how your ILs actually feel about you. Sometimes we need a reality check like this so that we DILs do not continue being naive and keep believing that ILs love us like their own child.
    However loving you are, in most cases the MIL will never love u like her daughter. You have to accept this and move on. I understand the hurt you are going through as something similar happened to me 2 years ago (no name calling though).
    Cut off all contact with them for a while if you can. Else just be short and sweet in your conversations with them. Keep a distance.
    It will definitely take time to heal but remember that what doesnt break you only makes you stronger.
    Did you mention this to ur DH? If so what did he have to say?
     
  4. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    It is very good that you found out the true colours of your mil. Simple solution is to keep distance, and as you said, just have a hi-bye relationship. No need to be nasty to them, nor need you try to have a very close relationship with them. We meet many people on the street. We do not cross the road when we come across them, nor do we go out of our way to be nice to them. They are and we are. If they come and talk to us or ask us something, we respond to just the required extent. End of the story. Adopt just the same attitude to your mil.
     
  5. rayhaan

    rayhaan Bronze IL'ite

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    Good that god helped you know the true color of your MIL, so better be cautious and keep distance.

    Just like Satchi said you need not be so nice to them at the same time need not be bad, just do your duty towards them. See to it that nobody can question you at a later point of time.
     
  6. uvs

    uvs New IL'ite

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    hi priya
    thank you for your reply
    I don t know is it possible for me to forgive and forget.But i ll try my level best to do
    that.

    hi sheztheone
    I started maintaining distance.I and my dh call my in laws and my parents all weekends.I use to cal my inlaws once during weekdays also.now i stopped it.
    any other suggestions please.
    I did nt narrate this incident to my dh.I know he could nt accept any negative comments against his parents or sister.I just pray god that let the pass of time make him realise that his parents and sister are not what he thinks.
     
  7. uvs

    uvs New IL'ite

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    hi satchi,
    I just love the way of your analysis and the great suggestions you give in this forum.Iam happy for your reply to my post.thank you dear.
    A year back my bil(sil's dh)was in debts.They were in need of 5 lakhs.My dh was ready to sell one of our lands and help them with the money and i was ready to pledge my jewels and help them for which my dh was against it some how i convinced him.Finally we sold our land and pledged the jewels for 1 lakh and helped them.I truely loved and cared them.Now it hurts....IAM BETRAYED
     

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