Men want 3 qualities in wives: Economist in kitchen, artist in home& devil in bed. But they get artist in kitchen, devil in home& economist in Bed. What is the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink. Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge. Mother: So, you want to become my son-in-law? Boy: Not really, but I don't see any other way to marry your daughter There is a sign in the toilet of the Sex Change Clinic. It reads "We may never piss this way again." Q: Why dogs don't marry? A: Because they are already leading a dog's life! Q: What's the diff between mother & wife? A: One woman brings into the world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so Boss: I'll give you 3000 per month and in three months, I'll raise it to 6000. So when would you like to start? Santa: In 3 months. A recent study showed that the average husband only actually speaks to his wife about thirty-seven minutes each week. Well, yeah, I can believe that, I mean just how long does it take to say "Uh-huh" or "Yes dear" or "I'm sorry" ? Pilot asking permission to land said, "Guess who?" Controller switches the field lights off and replied, "Guess where!"