Good In Laws : for a change!

MIL can never be a MOM.. I don't think thats ever possible.

You can be a very good friends and have a mature relationship.. thats all.. but it never go beyond that literally... End of the day.. you mother is your mother and MIL is a MIL..

As people said earlier.. the greenery is there obviously since there werent any situations to trigger the actual senses in both the sides.. Only when that situation comes one can really see if they are actually their mother as they thought so or they are just a MIL...

Time spending together and the vicinity makes a lots of difference... If you interview the same questions to the previous generations or people who spend their marriage life from day 1 with MIL... They might say, they are moving along..everything's fine.. but no one will ever replace MIL as a mother.. whatsoever. Thats the normal functioning of any human being.. atleast Indian humans

Sorry guys, I am not saying that whatever you guys said is wrong or anything.. I am happy that its working out well.. but the fact is one can never replace a mother in their life.. Because that unconditional love and care can never be showered by anyone else other than your own mother.

Now, coming to mine.. I have a easy, good rapport with my MIL.. No big issues... and yep at times we both frustrate each other.. but I make sure that its goes to sleep end of the day

 

Re: just a question!!

Mihika,

I have not stayed with my in-laws for 7 years (b.t.w, why 7?) because I have not been married for so long. I have stayed with my in-laws right from day one of my marriage and its been almost 3 years now. I can say that they are really GREAT! I have some issues for which I would not have been treated well by in-laws in a normal family. But all my in-laws have been very supportive and have always been kind. I have no doubts that this will be the case later in life too - be it 7 years later or 17 years later.

Regards,
Anitha

 

Re: just a question!!

Hi,

My answer is almost similar to Anitha...except that I have been living with my inlaws for the past 3 years in our 4 years marriage. They are good...yes we do find generation gap, but we do arrive at common points. Especially my mil takes care of me well. She understands my mood swings, sometimes she reads my face and gauge my health condition. All in all she is nice. Since she is quite elder to me, I respect her and she has undergone a lot of hardships in her youth..and I try to make her stay with us pleasant. Let me share a secret here...she reminds me mostly of my grandmother...now dont laugh girls! She is quite old and traditional...somewhat like my maternal granny

-Hema

 

Hi Nandshyam,
I beg to differ on this with you. My MIL is an excellent, gem of a person and she has replaced my mother completely. Sometimes I think my MIL is so much better than my mother is so many different ways. I have never had any differences with her, nor will I ever have. Its because she listens to me completely, even though sometimes I dont listen to her, she doesnt me nag. Lets me be myself, gives me my total space and freedom.
Cheers
Teju

 

Hi Mihika,

To answer your fb, i have been married for 12 years and hv lived with my MIL from day 1 for 11 years. The only time i had "thani kudithanam" is the last one year when I moved here. I miss her very much and have been trying to get her visa.

As all say, it is solely a matter of give and take from both sides. I do not interfere in her activiities ( whatever it be, pathu, madi, her culinary skills etcetc) and she also knows where not to comment on my activities. She supports me on every aspect..taking care of the kids everytime... not only when i am office ... but also other times... even if i am at home. We strike a balance when we go on vacation.. ensure that we spend some time as husband n wife, some as family of us and kids and some with all 5 of us including our MIL.

This does not mean that I do not have my set of arguements with her... but both of push it aside and move ahead... as I would do with my mother. I did have issues in settling in the first couple of years... but the patience payed fruits and now i cannot stand if somebody comments on her.

Thanks
Anu

 

No doubt!! Every Good inlaws or for that matter, person in your life is they are caring and lovable then they are. I am not arguing there.

WOW, thats a huge statement. Personally I wouldnt say or do that is what I said Hope you understand.

Now this is what we call compromising or acting as per the situation arises. See at a given time, either you or your MIL try to work around so that no one gets hurt right.. Thats the difference. With a mother.. you can always be you Thats what I was trying to say.. With a mother you can be natural, no worries about how politically we can handle this, so that there are no issues or how to balance it out and stuff like that..

Think about this situation before stating "replace my mom" --> months into newly married life.

You want to just be a couch potato, want someone to serve you with food, clean your clothes and maintain the household. But all you want is to watch TV and relax for a couple of days...

Answer that comes to your mind with whom you can do it: -- Now that should answer where you are natural and where you are trying to compromise and be in someones good books

Anyways.. as every human being are different so are their opinions

 

HA! HA! HA! Mihika

Thats exactly what struck me too while reading DILs telling how good their MILs are and infact mil LOVING dil. Not unbelievable but hard to believe.
Not that my mil is bad or bossy but I wouldnt say she LOVES me .
She is good and thats all what I need to be too. I cannot LOVE her like my mother and I dont expect that from her too.
Anyway they dont live with us. We visit them and they visit us sometimes and we keep each other's respect. GIVE AND TAKE.

 

Hi Jooti and Mihika,
Staying for 7 years or 7 days does not make much difference. Attitude of a person will definitely come out even if you stay far from them. So, it's about good MIL, as I told you before that probably after visiting them I may able to comment in a better way.
So, after this trip, I would still say that she is good......non-interfering and give space to me......and I believe on one fact that if there is no other option but to stay in such a relationship, we have to be happy and take their comments in a lighter vein (u know, my MIL used to take my comments on her very lightly and used to say my hubby and relatives that I am very good at heart but a little crazy....).
In short, there are always good and bad persons......I believe that the saying "like poles repel and unlike poles attract" goes wrong here and it should be the other way round.............

Nandhu,
I fully agree with you that Moms can not be replaced by any other relation.....not just anybody......but I would also say that the place of a father is also not replacable ......not by the MOMs also......
I have seen at certain times my father had taken care of us more than my Mom.....

Regards.

 

See at a given time, either you or your MIL try to work around so that no one gets hurt right..

No, we dont have to work around trying to please each other, we are just like mother and daughter infact more like friends.

With a mother you can be natural, no worries about how politically we can handle this, so that there are no issues or how to balance it out and stuff like that.

With my MIL also its like that, its natural, no worries.

You want to just be a couch potato, want someone to serve you with food, clean your clothes and maintain the household. But all you want is to watch TV and relax for a couple of days...

Yes, I can do this!!!! with my MIL. She is ready to cook for me, take care of my baby, give all her clothes or jewellery to me, no strings attached, no conditions. Not for a few days, for her entire life, she is ready. Thats how good she is. Treats me like her own daughter. Sometimes her sisters in law try to complain about me to her, to create a fight between us, she retorts back to them fiercely and makes sure no one talks bad about me, she is also that protective.

Its not just an opinion, its the truth. She might be this rare single person on the face of this earth!!!!:idea. You should talk to her to realise the impact of what I am saying. If you want to meet her, you can do it!! Just let me know.
I know, no DIL is 100% comfortable with her MIL, but I am this rare blessed DIL who has no issues with her MIL and vice versa:queen.
Cheers
Teju

 

Nandshyam,
"See at a given time, either you or your MIL try to work around so that no one gets hurt right.. "

No, we dont have to work around trying to please each other, we are just like mother and daughter infact more like friends.

"With a mother you can be natural, no worries about how politically we can handle this, so that there are no issues or how to balance it out and stuff like that."

With my MIL also its like that, its natural, no worries.

"You want to just be a couch potato, want someone to serve you with food, clean your clothes and maintain the household. But all you want is to watch TV and relax for a couple of days..."

Yes, I can do this!!!! with my MIL. She is ready to cook for me, take care of my baby, give all her clothes or jewellery to me, no strings attached, no conditions. Not for a few days, for her entire life, she is ready. Thats how good she is. Treats me like her own daughter. Sometimes her sisters in law try to complain about me to her, to create a fight between us, she retorts back to them fiercely and makes sure no one talks bad about me, she is also that protective.

Its not just an opinion, its the truth. She might be this rare single person on the face of this earth!!!!:idea. You should talk to her to realise the impact of what I am saying. If you want to meet her, you can do it!! Just let me know.
I know, no DIL is 100% comfortable with her MIL, but I am this rare blessed DIL who has no issues with her MIL and vice versa:queen.
Cheers
Teju