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Good Idea To Move Where Sister And Family Stays?

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by Divya0331, Jan 27, 2021.

  1. Divya0331

    Divya0331 New IL'ite

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    Hello,

    Can someone chime in and provide their opinions/thoughts please.Unable to take a decision.

    I lost my husband in US and I stay alone in Delaware. Though I have many friends in Delaware, I cannot go to anyone's house when I am not well because I cannot give them trouble and you cannot walk to anyone's house. My friends are helpful but I should not cross a line and respect the relation and their privacy.

    My sister stays in New Jersey with her family (Sister, husband and kids). I have an option to move to New Jersey. I do not want to stay with them but may be take an apartment two or 3 blocks away from where they stay so that I have someone who I can reach out to when really in need.

    BY staying in the same house, there may be some situations that arise which will hamper the relation, so I want to stay somewhere close to their house but not really near.

    Please let me know what are the upsides and downsides you foresee if I am move to where my sister stays?
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.
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  2. sonal1611

    sonal1611 Gold IL'ite

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    I think so its good to stay near by your family .

    But since where u r staying currently , u have frnds .

    so covid time , making new frnds , takes time .

    So u have to depend on ur sister .. or have frndship with her frnds ...
     
  3. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Gold IL'ite

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    1. How long ago did you lose your husband?
    2. Are you working outside the home ? or not?
    3. Since the time you started living alone (after your husband's funeral, and no more visitors to express their condolences) what is your daily/weekly schedule ?
    4. How many times in the last month you were unwell ?
    5. How many times in the last month did you visit a local friend? What did you two do?
    6. How many times since your husband's death have you visited New Jersey? Or your sister visited Delaware ?
    7. How frequently do you talk to your sister on the phone, whatsapp, or some other way ? What do you talk about?
    8. Do you own a house or live in a rented flat now?
    9. Is your sister married, who does she live with?
    10. Have you compared cost-of-living difference ? State Tax difference ?
    11. Are you on medicare health insurance ? How long you have had your personal medical clinic ? How important is it for you to continue with the current doctor/clinic? How about other recurrent service people in your life?

    Many more things...
    1. Write all the things you do in Delaware, that you will forego when you move to some other place.
    2. Write all the things you will gain in some other place, that you do not have in Delaware.
    Once you have that, rank them from most important to least important.
    Upside or downside, only you can tell from the composite of all the differences. Some people will get a very comprehensive list, assign positive or negative values to each upside or downside, add them all up, and see whether Delaware or NJ comes out ahead by a significant margin.
    And then once you had seen the evidence, you make the bed and lie in it.

    If you are very close to a retirement home kind of age, I would recommend AGAINST a transplant. And besides Delaware has much cleaner air than New Jersey.
     
    chanchitra and Thyagarajan like this.
  4. Metamorphic

    Metamorphic Gold IL'ite

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    So sorry for your loss!

    It is a good idea to move somewhere near to your sister’s house. Living with them, as you said, is not a wise thing to do.

    If you can manage things on your own, it is always better to maintain a healthy boundary with your sister and not to overly depend on her. Relationships last long with healthy boundaries between parties. It also depends on what kind of comfort you share with your sister.

    But, do not hesitate to take help of people around you when needed, because now that you are alone you might need helping hands for a while. So do not drain yourself trying to do everything alone. Support system is important during this period.

    Much strength to you!
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.
  5. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 IL Hall of Fame

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    If I were you I would move closer to family . Off course you know your family and the rapport you have with your sister. So decide accordingly. Having a family close by always feels good.
     
  6. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    If the practical aspects work out, it's a good idea to live closely without living in the same house.
    You can be connected with your sister and her family.
     
  7. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    Also pls post the thread in the appropriate forum for better response. I.e Relationships> Parents and Siblings ..this is Movies forum.
     
  8. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    Did you check with your sister? Is she ok with it.
    It's better not to depend on others including sister because everyone has their own priorities.
    It's good to move to the area, but have independent life in all aspects.
     
    shravs3 and sarvantaryamini like this.
  9. nuss

    nuss Platinum IL'ite

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    Op- sorry for your loss! Virtual hugs!

    The first step would be talking to your sister and see what she thinks. It is nice to be close to the family. However, get an apartment at 15-20 minutes drive so you are not at their place all the time and Vice versa. You want to keep your independence while having the support of family nearby. the arrangement will be nice for your sister too as you can help her with kids as needed.
     
  10. sarvantaryamini

    sarvantaryamini Gold IL'ite

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    Really sad, do you have children? I think it would be better for you to stay alone. A lot depends on your sister, you and the relationship you share with her. Your moving in may not work for the 2 of you. She might be busy with kids and husband and may not be able to pay attention to you. Talk to her before making a decision. On the other hand if you get along well with her and her family, maybe things will work out after all. There was a similar situation in my parents family although not totally the same. After living for nearly 3 decades with parents, one my widowed relative tried living with siblings and it was a disaster. Partly because she was way too pampered in the parents' house and was simply not used to working on her own. She was a working woman but when it came to household chores and the like she would make herself comfortable without regards for the host. To top it her only son was a bachelor and an alcoholic. Not that it would have been easier without all that, but it didn't end well in the end.
     
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2021

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