Girls beware of choosing NRI grooms

sweetygirl · Dec 7, 2010

My husband living in the US for 8 years. He married me two years ago and now had applied for a Divorce.

I have gone through all abuses and harassments
1. Physical
2. Emotional
3. Sexual
4. Mental
5. Verbal

I was house-arrested and was given no money.
He used to install tracking softwares to track me.
He used to track my calls.
He used to hurt himself and threaten me that he will call the cops.
He never gave me any rights and freedom as a wife.
He used to check the trash when i was to throw the trash bag.
He used to verbally abuse me daily.
He used to take me on to the trips just to quench his sexual thirst.
He used to record my conversation with the recorders.

He was always in the internet with **** sites. I was silent all the days as I loved him so much and thought he too loves me.

That guy married me only for the society to show that he is married in his community so as to enable his sister's marriage in the community. The prime most reason was money (dowry that was demanded) and sex.

He had a premarital affair with a girl who was next to his apartment. They had a clash and to show her that he will get married before her, he married me and used me just for Sex. He even wrote in his blog (before our marriage) that he is in love with a girl and is looking her to be the life partner. I didnt know any of these stuff before marriage.

He had so much solo snaps of her in his mobile andd was protecting it by keeping passwords. Finger print access to his laptop and a separate hard disk at his office that had all her emails, chats, solo photos and photos that they had taken before we got married. I didnt know any of these before or after marriage. After a month, again both of them had contact through emails, gifts, chats. She gifted him those many apparels, a mobile, perfume, love you and missing you greeting card etc..

I couldn't question him and started sharing it with my parents and friends. He started tracking me by installing tracking softwares. To hide his illegal things, he started saying that i have an affair to his parents. I didnt know any of these.

I used to tell my problems to my MIL, she used to divert me saying i share it with my friends. She used to say "He is a guy and he can have how many ever relationships."

He left me in the streets without even saying where he is going. Without money, i managed to leave the place as my parents were in US. Still I dont believe like all these things happened to me in my life.

I believed him a lot. He betrayed me, cheated me. After separation, I used to skip my food, sleep and used to wait for him to chat, email but he used to complaint that as a torture to his mom.

His parents were forcing for a divorce saying that he wants to get married to his lover. He even publicly showed that he is committed to that girl. He knows whatever he did to me is wrong and to escape from that he has filed for Divorce.

When he was to marry that girl, why did he marry me and spoil my life?

Many girls like me are cheated by the guys specially NRI guys.

The person whom you loved the most does all betrayals, cheatings to you. To make me believe that he still has love in the corner of his heart, he acts by adding songs that I like and the separation songs. Sametime, he created an another orkut account and started adding malayalam songs for his illegal girl friend (who is a malayali).

Now for the past 1 year, he writes nonsense public blogs of which the highlighted one is asking "WITH WHOM ALL DID YOU SLEEP WITH AND WHO PAID YOU BETTER, WHO SATISFIED YOU THE MORE". Seeing those words, i cried like hell. I lost my virginity to that guy. God only knows, if he lost his virginity to me or he slept with any other girls before marriage. I even doubt if he sleeps with any other girls now and he is capable to do that as well, as once he said that he will go to a prostitute if i don't satisfy him daily.

Movies like Satham Podathey, Aasaiyil oru kaditham, Eeram and many movies reminds me of what i went through. All those things that are shown in the movie happened with me. I used to cry seeing those movies.

Its 1.5 years that we got separated and I cry daily that he is not with me but in the other side he is so happy and god only knows if he is living with any women? In each and every small thing i missed him and cried. I was even saying i love him a lot even after he said that i slept with all guys. I should be ashamed of me to say that i still love that guy. Future without him is like dead life for me.

We even planned for our girl baby's name before marriage. Now i cry that i wont have motherhood in my life ever. I sound stupid right but thats what iam. But you all know what he thinks? When he can he marry that girl or any other girl legally.

I did meet a general counsellor and she said, his entire family needs to check a psychatrist and he especially is affected as a bi polar one.

Guys like him would escape for a judgement by men but not from GOD, he is watching everything. He knows the truth.

SriVidya75 · Dec 7, 2010

SG

You said you are separated since past one and half year and still you are bothering so much about him??? you got to stop this obsession over him.

Agreeed all this happened..but its past isnt it? why are you spoiling your present and future by thinking about past?

Isnt it time for you to pick up the pieces and move on? I have seen people getting remarried and living happily. how about first of all divert your attention, stand up on your feet, do something constructive, improve your morale, start looking for the right partner to get married.

Remember one thing..if you think you are defeated...you are defeated...its all in your thought process. When you know that he cheated you, he betrayed you and he doesnt care for you at all, then why talk and worry and even badmouth that person. such persons dont deserve even a singleminute of your precious time

asuitablegirl · Dec 8, 2010

Sweetygirl,

Your ex has put you through a lot. But don't give him this power to keep putting you through more. Already he has hurt you really bad. Cut the mental cord you have with him... because the more you think what happened, the more hurt you will keep feeling. Any guy who talks about sex like that on the internet, is really cheap. You have NOTHING to feel embarassed about.... the humiliation should be all on him, and believe me, maybe his friends laugh with him about it to his face, but inside their hearts, his friends will be thinking what a CREEP he is.

Now i cry that i wont have motherhood in my life ever.
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That's not true. There is a thing called.... remarriage. And although it would be a second marriage in your life, it will be the FIRST marriage you have with the new guy. Right now you have thoughts of your ex because for so long, he was the main guy in your life. But when you meet the right guy, who respects you and cherishes your place in his life, these thoughts of your ex will be gone in a snap.... and you will realize what a hell you escaped. You CAN be a mom someday, and a WIFE again too. Don't think he is the only guy in the world, there are a lot of them out there. Your life isn't over, just this one part is over.

He has filed for divorce, hence this relationship is over. Let him go find his malayali lover and be with her. I'd be surprised though if any girl would put up with him. Afterall, that girl is not stupid... she will understand if your ex could dump her for YOU, he could dump her again for someone else too.

Anyways, dont stay sad like this. Move forward and carry on the best you can. The days ahead will get better. :thumbsup

vinithavinu · Dec 8, 2010

hi sweety girl,
I can relate to what you are going through because I am similar in many ways to you in that I got cheated by an NRI etc. It is really hard I agree. I feel that we should suck it up, and probably grow up more with this experience, although it is an unwanted experience.
I would suggest you to focus your energy on more constructive things. It is hard but not impossible. I do feel depressed at times, but I convince myself why should I feel depressed for something that was imposed on me.
I am determined to mentally erase this painful chapter of my life and I am taking small steps day by day towards this. First have a plan. Do you want to cry your whole life for someone who is NOT worth your time? What is your ultimate goal in life? If you can answer this, then you know what you have to do. You are an educated and strong woman, and YOU deserve better. I hope you will make a wise decision. I will pray for you.

ArchanaP · Dec 8, 2010

sweetygirl said: ↑

Guys like him would escape for a judgment by men but not from GOD, he is watching everything. He knows the truth.
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If you keep living in past, you will forever.

Yes, it's really really shameful that you had to face such circumstances for no fault of yours but what good would it do to live in past and cry thinking about what has happened. He is not worth a second of your life but you have already wasted and still wasting so much of your time thinking about him.

Just shrug off those thoughts from your mind and heart just like you shrug off the dirt fallen on your body.

Do not pity yourself or expect pity from people around you. It will only make you weak. Do not loose hope for your future. Never ever look back into your past life. It's past and let it be there.
God has loads of happiness and peace in store just for you, in future. Do not turn your back now.

Mehana · Dec 8, 2010

Forget the bad memories you had n ur life....

Y u should worry and stress urself for the evil hearted guy, make ur life meaningful, dont think about him u r the one going to suffer not him. He is happy not even thinking about what he did to u, whatever he would do let him do( marrying someonelse r not), no concern of worrying about him.

Wake up urself from this and prepare for ur future, look for job/ higher studies/ some course....definitely u will have good future. Look for a career so that u can be more confident, someone will be waiting for u in near future....

sweetygirl · Dec 8, 2010

Yes i work for an mnc.

I feel ashamed that i had been loving such an idiotic creature.

Second marriage and second wife will teach a lesson to idiotic guys like him.

SriVidya75 · Dec 8, 2010

sweetygirl said: ↑

Yes i work for an mnc.

I feel ashamed that i had been loving such an idiotic creature.

Second marriage and second wife will teach a lesson to idiotic guys like him.
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Still it alll about him???:bonk

sweet heart....dont expect closure on your questions from him. Please move on. Dont look back. Let him lead his life..and you lead yours...

If you keep looking back, you wont be able to see the happy future...also what happiness is there in your past that you keep reminding yourself about it?

Yes pain will be there...but learn to deal with it....am sure this pain will make you a better person and more matured and understanding and lovable than what you are now....

rajalakshmigopal · Dec 8, 2010

SriVidya75 said: ↑

If you keep looking back, you wont be able to see the happy future...also what happiness is there in your past that you keep reminding yourself about it?

Yes pain will be there...but learn to deal with it....am sure this pain will make you a better person and more matured and understanding and lovable than what you are now....
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Well said.Cannot agree more.:thumbsup

Mehana · Dec 8, 2010

sweetygirl said: ↑

Yes i work for an mnc.

I feel ashamed that i had been loving such an idiotic creature.

Second marriage and second wife will teach a lesson to idiotic guys like him.
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Stop all this...look for ur future, I do no on what platform u r working at MNC...do some certifications....if u r interested in 2nd marriage in future and ready to take up another person in ur life, register urself in matrimony websites(if u r interested). Try to move with ur friends/ relations and entertain urself by going some movies be relaxed and look for ur future..prepare urself what are things u r going to face in future and be strong..

Last and least dont ever turn to him even in future he says anythign positive or dont put ur mind in searching what he is doing now/whetehr he got married and other nonsense...

Walk in ur own path......All the best...