Girl Independence in modern times….

Dear Malathy,

Now a days girls like to take decisions on their own and they like to take their time to think about things. We cannot force them to accept what we like and our views. When they see their friends being let down in relationships, they are afraid that it might happen to them.

I feel this has nothing to do with their earnings or the independance we have given them.

We should be happy and proud that they have a mind of their own and are willing to wait to meet Mr. Right.

My daughter too hold the same view and does not want me to even look for a proposal for her

Regards,
Uma

 

Dear Malathy,

Very nice comteporary issue, which is the prime topic of discussion in many homes.
The very concept of marriage is being seen through different windows by all sections of people.

Even today there are girls who marry without even talking to the bridegroom or just see photo on internet as per the parents wish.

But yes to an extent financial independence is influencing the thinking process.
Girls today are highly educated and career oriented and when it comes to choosing a bridegroom all these will definitely influence.
But we cannot generalise .
We need to allay their apprehensions and convince so that it is willingness from both parents and the girl to go for a marriage.
MARRIAGE between people is not for status or obligation, it is a companionship for a lifetime and beyond. We need to have the spark of LOVE .
But whatever the decision, marriages have always been by god's grace. Every decision of our's is his command.
We need to act as per our gut feeling but not based on balance sheets, property statements and conveniences.

Girls should have the right to decide when to marry , whom to marry and also be brave to face the new life and add LOVE and affection to make the bonding more strong and make both parents and inlaws proud.

Marriage is a second life for any girl and making it more beautiful and meaningful is from both the girl and the boy.
Canceling an engagement is better than crying all her life after marriage and running round courts. By that time she would have lost all her youthful years. By saying no after engagement would cost only some expenses on clothes, jewelery and invitation cards. But if she is not happy , can we count the cost of her loss of happiness?

Nice thought provoking blog. Definitely it will make many to think and act.

SeethaHari

 

Dear Malathy,
That was a blog showing a lot of concern for the girls of today.
I have had one of my cousin's daughter with this attitude. At first the parents were the cause for the delay. If the boys side said that the horoscopes were matching, my cousin family would not find it so. Then they would depend too much on horoscope (Guru paarvai etc.) and 'sakunam. In this way, the girls youthful marriageable age was slowly slipping away. Then once she got a good job and became financially independent, she started forming attitudes and started being choosy and selective. At last both her parents were desperate to get her married some how, caste no bar etc. or were even ready for alove marriage! The girl refused and started blaming her parents for her spinster status. In the mean time, all her cousins and friends got married. Slowly she was becoming a psychic! Her mother ,was suddenly afflicted with cancer and she passed away unhappy for her daughter.
Now his girl ultimately got married at the age of 37 to a man who was about 10 years older to her!
I wonder what these modern girls have in mind????
Love,
Malathi

 

Dear Malathy
Welcome to the blog space.
your blog brought back a few incidents from memory.
First one I remember is of the girl(then )got engaged to an IPS and the went abroad for further studies...then after an year comes back with a NRI friend and broke off the engagement.
Next there is a cousin who tells my mom about the way her sisiters keep on refusing the boyz for marraige, and was surprised that I had full faith in my parents' decision about this .
here I would like to add that my faith in my parents had been instilled by them and not anything i did. So somewhere it is the parents fault too. not totally but just some.Sad though.
Another factor is the wait for a better choice ,this is happening with both the girls and guys abroad. This was told by somebody whose brother did not get married... he's a top level executive. The more the choice, lessens the decision .

 

Dear Malathyi,
It matters not whether what you think is right or wrong or if other people agree with your views or not. You feel strongly about something and you write about it. Other people agree or disagree and write comments. This creates a dialogue - and that is good - isn't it?
I am in the in-between stage - my children are grown but not yet in the market for marriage. And this is what I think -
i want my children to lead a happy married life and this means they have to enter into the institution of marriage fully mentally prepared to do what it takes to make it work.
Boy or girl- it takes a lot more to make marriages happy than it did before - or maybe it is just that the notion of personal happiness is more important today than it was before.
Earlier, it was OK if the couple did not talk to each other or spend any time together as long as they went on to have children and manage the household properly. I am sure you wouldn't want just that for your own children today. It would make you unhappy if your SIL ignored your daughter all the time or vice-versa.
Education has made people aware that personal happiness is OK to aim for. They are more aware of the unhappinesses that exist in marriages and homes and want to avoid falling into such traps.
I am sure when you try to put yourself in those girl's places and see the pitfalls that marriages face today you would understand their reluctance a little better.
Having seen a failed marriage and a painful divorce for someone I care about I can guarantee you - no marriage is a much better fate than what my friend went through.