Girl Groups…how Do You Make It Work!

Well..u r so on point…do I really want?.well I do crave human connection..it was so easy back in our home country but here the effort and me
Being an introvert is so tiring and I know L friends have given valuable inputs..am thinking about it..but I don’t know..it’s not me..

I like everything about USA but to change my core personality to be a part feels exhausting..I had one or two friends back home and we went out..it just happened..here the only connection is neighbors and friends with neighbors who are nice but different personalities.dont know..am
Gonna see..u guys r right but..I first need to convince myself..

 

I understand..I do crave connection but I have trust issues due to past..and am very curious..coz after all how long can one be mindful! Sooner or later one lets your guard down.Thats when u can build relationships.Believe it or not..I have been in the company of covert narcissists and narcissists the worst kind (tried my best not to mention this in the thread but maybe I have to coz then my feelings would be comprehended)and it was traumatic to even get out of the friendship..growing up in a toxic environment also didn’t help.I was so trapped:. That trapped feeling messed up. These neighbors are nice but all those ex friends statrted that way and one does not know even for first few months and after that it was too much to handle….I really feel fomo when I do see pics of women enjoying and vacationing in a girl group and feel trapped but am torn between scared and fomo. I don’t want to go through the hurt nd feel everything all over again..easier said than done..I know not everyone is the same and try to understand with logic but the heart refuses to listen.

Infact I tried being with some people for years trying to be adjusting..I am soft spoken and that’s my quality can’t change it.I was nice and kind and helpful in need but honestly don’t know why they did what they did even now. I thought people enjoyed to be around simple and nice people who were easy going. It turned out one gets used,taken advantage of and treated bad and am not joking.fin escalated into out downs and I know my flaw is am not assertive enough but am sure there are many who aren’t all that assertive but manage.Many have faced it and that’s the fact.I know everyone is not that way and people are nice but am unable to build the trust. The mental block is so strong.Hence the caution

 

I agree

 

Ok ..

Just trying to understand more..reviving the thread..

I can honestly say I have been a good friend even to those people who bullied me.

I never yelled or spoke back yes partly out of fear plus I also Know what fear feels like

I have always been supportive and encouraging
I have never hurt anyone intentionally and if I feel a cue that I have hurt them I apologize coz I don’t have an ego with relationships I want


I am also authentic and be completely myself coz I feel that’s the best way to build true relationships but after some years I understand that those people have only used and taken advantage of my nature or treated me like am some sort of a joker or dominated

I don’t understand concepts like how to be on guard or how to be Certain way and it feels so unnatural..

For me friendships are built on authenticity and support.More than anything… it’s one relationship where one shouldn’t make an effort! Once the base foundation is built all those efforts come Naturally!! The base foundation has to click.

I don’t know how people superficially jump into relationships and then figure it out and adjust just to go out..Even if we are at home talking for five minutes one shouldn’t be rejuvenated!

infant I asked my cousin who has too many girl groups how she makes it work.She said she is facing so many issues and she just keeps quiet..I Dont understand..

See I have a friend and when I do a staycation with her..In the room sometimes we hardly talk! We do our own thing also but just being around her feels connected and supportive!! I feel warmth and generally feel good and complete.Thats all..Maybe I think deep.


I asked one or two women I know if am unkind or rude or anything I need to change.They
Said that am easy to get along.


Somehow many friendships didn’t work out I feel dominated and peopele .Showed their true colors.Authenticity works both ways and in my life I wasn’t that lucky.

I don’t know How to find a balance.

Sometimes my gut instinct feels off and I feel uncomfortable with certain women tone of the voice and I back off


What hurts is my ex narcissistic friend thriving in girl group.I have seen her own on one and she creates attention and will not take even basic opinion and she is unbearable .I wonder how the others ladies didn’t see what I saw for this many years..

I just want to know if am doing something wrong..I can’t built trust easily anymore but I just want to convince myself that maybe am worthy of good friendships..

 

I am not perfect and nobody is but where do we find the balance!

I just need to be comfortable around that person and in every way I make sure to be a comfortable person for them..

That’s the only requirement for me not perfection.

I still have fights with my friends who live far away and even when I meet them but we are so easy on apologizing and letting it go coz it’s not malicious.


Last straw for me My family member someone whom I thought was close to me for years turned out super cunning and manipulative and she broke up some relationships for me within the family and disconnected me.I just couldn’t read any cues and after all the research found out she is a covert narcissist. The blow for me is so strong.Now am the one disconnected and it hurts to see her thriving with friends and relatives with zero guilt. I completely lost my trust now..completely but I know I don’t deserve it.

Anyways just having a little bit support system from one or two women who are easy will be awesome.