Girl Groups…how Do You Make It Work!

It needs a lot of effort.My exp was I casually met some ladies for a community event.I had all their contact numbers but never kept in touch except for sharing photos.For the next event they included me in WA group ,I stayed in it till the event completed and exited the group.But told them I will support from outside and couple of the ladies in the group are still in touch with me ,others were bit too much for me to adjust.And then again another group I was in to formed for a dance performance team. Again it was bit chaotic since everyone wanted to do.choreo and had diff opinions on costume.But after the performance each one understood their strength. Some good with choreo some good with music mixing ,another one does amazing make up etc.So after 6 stage performance we are one unique and beautiful group who fill in and complement each other.It took almost 3 years to reach this stage and form the kind of bond. We have our own differences and express things openly.So yes any friendships to form people need to put in lots of effort and patience.Nothing happened overnight and one can't expect a perfect 10/10 friendship.Friendships need to grow organically and one needs to open and accepting. If you are an introvert and extremely sensitive, friendship may not develop as expected.

 

I think I understand your situation, @anika987. You are a mostly introvert person who can be boisterous and funny around people who you love or are comfortable with or in situations that make you happy. You are worth your weight in gold when it comes to friendships... you try to give your 100%. Is that correct?

I think when you start interacting with people you should let them just be your companions - for the event/ for the present or whatever. Do not have any expectations and remind yourself not to feel strongly about any opinion or rumor you come across. Slowly, you may build friendships, if you and someone else are really meant to be friends.

Statutory warning: You cannot escape gossip and hypocrisy. You may choose not to contribute to it in anyway but you can not (in some cases should not) do anything if you are their target.

 

I too see the same. This is the root cause.

 

Hi @anika987, @nayidulhan has given great suggestions which perfectly could fit your thoughts.

You - an ambivert, having past bad friendships feel overwhelmed/surprised to know how other ladies form a group even though they barely know each other personally(initially). You are not ready to jump in like how they do and take up the friendship they offer so fast and so outgoing.

But you are longing for friendship which is slow/steady/genuine (not having one for sake of having one). To top it off, you are a soft-spoken. I have seen soft-spoken people suggestions/communications get overshadowed by ones who exhibit strong decisions and the soft-spoken one struggle to maintain the friendship. Sometimes situations would arise where you will be presented with two choices - yes or yes when you like to say no and you end up suffocating.

Things like these might make you nervous to keep up with friendship. I was very similar to you in this(if u see my old posts). Honestly reading your posts and the replies have answered my doubts.

You can understand from other posts - Everyone you see as outgoing may not even be really outgoing. They might be shy/ soft-spoken like you to open up, but they are all doing it not because of sake of having a friendship but wanted some human communication (initially) which is quite rare in foreign countries and along comes the friendship in due time (bonus).

Even extroverts might be putting hard work to make it work for introverts/ambiverts like us(). It's quite easy to mingle with others but still a great deal to get along with people opp to their nature. Not every friendship starts slowly as we expect, sometimes genuine ones could happen fast. Friendship will work only if both are available to it.

India offered us with new faces other than husband, kids or relatives faces to share fun events or to get help or to get info because we had many source network - school college work. That is not the case here right. we all have to take this route and nothing wrong in it but at the same time it should not go upto a level where it becomes mental/physical burden. There comes @nayidulhan 's suggestion to your rescue.

 

I usually start with
"Hey Sheetal, I admire the way you wear your sarees neatly, can you spare an hour this week to give me some tips? I'll make filter coffee"
"Hey Sheetal, I loved your ravaladdoo, I'm making some for the kids, can you spare an hour tomorrow to give me some tips? I'll make filter coffee"

Other people come to me with "Hey HR, I am worried about my son's studies" Or "Hey HR, I want to discuss the report of my MIL's medical tests with you before meeting the doctor" !

Keep smiling!
HR

 

Anika, Laks and Hrastro took some valuable time to give you some comfort and assurance Question you need to ask yourself is :

Do you really want Sheetal, Rita, Meeta etc to come home and spend time with you? Or just thinking about that make you feel tired and you just want the comforting ,assuring, inspiring ( highly irresistible , I know) words of Laks, Hrastro, and others? There is nothing wrong with that too

I am just kidding, hope you get your rocking girl gang soon !