Girl Groups…how Do You Make It Work!

Can I be honest with you @anika987? I think what you are looking for, isn’t possible in today’s world. No girls group/friendship in today’s time is without strings/melodrama/effort.

Reading your post seems like you want to have your cake and eat it too. Being part of a girls group also means you are a part of the gossips, sometimes you have to put in the effort even if you don’t feel like it and you need to ignore the minor irritations.

Now if you are looking for meaningful friendships, that needs work too. True friendships build over time and it does take effort to understand the other person, to be there for them. Even good friends can wear you out sometimes, but you got to give them a chance.
You got to make do with the friends you got, my friend!

 

I don’t. It’s not my personality and I’m not going to force myself to be inauthentic in order to conform. I love gossip as much as anyone else but if they’re talking about others to you then they’re talking about you to others and I simply don’t have the trust or bandwidth to deal with this at my age.
I have to say that I have 3 small circles of close friends, one from my primary school days, one from undergrad, one from masters and then about 5-6 good friends I/we made after coming to US. That is enough to sustain me. Everything else is on a friendly level: other parents at school, neighbors, colleagues etc but I don’t go out of my way with these relationships. I accept that most of them will be situational.

 

This summarizes everything!

 

Hi Anika
I understand your situation very well...
I have no clue about movies and gossip and sarees and jewellery - so generally speaking, I dont contribute to common topics although I do listen to their opinions with respect...
And with my honest/sincere attitude, I dont get informal or tease people (even in jest), so "friendships" with strangers are awkward unless we have common interest areas !

In most local whatsapp groups, when others ask about any suggestion, I always contribute. Whether it is about school, education, parenting, local doctors or cooking, I always reach out to help wherever I can. Maybe this gives the "genuine" vibe and people start appreciating it. Later they call or meet me and some kind of 'getting to know each other' happens (Most moms worry about their kids education!)

I dont get into personal meetings or friends circles but if there is a generic event - bhajan or group picnic or walkathon, I try to join... I stick to being upbeat and fun and dont get into any gossips... But, because I can talk comfortably on almost every serious topic, they do find me interesting!
I dont share my problems with them but when I need something, I ask them for specific help. And if they are unable to help me, I dont keep any kind of grudges... So my life is peaceful....

The 'girl gang' of my family friends group - we keep discussing we will go on an all-girls trip - but it never materializes !! When we go out as groups of families, the girl-talk gets a bit limited!
I have 2 friends from my college in the same city - we meet once in 4-6 months at one house and have a talking marathon of continuous 36-48 hours and sometimes forget to even take pictures to share with our college group!
My childhood friends, my sisters, sisters in law - we keep each other informed only through messages, we dont usually call each other ... but we can pick the phone and start from there... and go on for hours... And we forget to take photos when we meet unless we are really dressed up for some event !!

I do understand, you are not looking for best friends... It is just FOMO for the girls-fun-outing!
Especially intensified due to all the social media posts on girl-gangs with matching sarees and coordinated dance steps popping out everywhere!

Go ahead, join some class offered by one of the group members, learn yoga together, start some book club or baking club or any common interest areas that you can teach, participate in some festival or dance program - we need common situation or passion or work to connect to people - you will definitely feel more comfortable!

Keep smiling
HR

 

Hi Anika,

If you’re genuinely drawn to an activity, you naturally seek a safe and comfortable space to engage in it. In a foreign country, women’s groups often become the go-to choice for many.

However, interactions with fellow women in such settings aren’t necessarily friendships but rather casual connections that offer meaningful experiences—sometimes leading to long-term friendships.

For example, during a long mission in Central Europe, I was eager to join a yoga group and actively searched for one that fit my schedule and budget. A colleague then introduced me to a local WhatsApp group for women interested in yoga.

I joined without hesitation and quickly connected with two South Asian women who shared my cultural background and skin tone. This made it easier to strike up conversations with them compared to the local European women.

Within weeks, our discussions evolved from yoga mats and water bottles to rental apartments, movie theaters, and areas where most South Asians lived. Over time, this casual connection led us to share a rented apartment in a preferred neighborhood, and eventually, even our food and shopping.

Yet, I don’t consider the other woman my friend in the traditional sense, nor are we particularly close. But there’s a certain ease and comfort in being around her.

In short, if you have a genuine interest in something, take the first step. But don’t go in expecting immediate friendship—let connections form
naturally.