Ghor Kalyug

1. RN mama to PCT: Why are you not married? Medical problem? Gay, huh? No, vaa. Well, I know a girl. She is a modern, yet traditional girl. And can cook a 90 course meal in 10 minutes.
PCT: Ghor Kalyug.

2. ABC maami: you know, X, who just got her son married to that girl Y is in a bad state. That Y is an arrogant girl. Too much headweight. She does not even know what a pressure cooker is. She refuses to hand over salary to X. Uff! Aiyyo paavam, X. How is she managing with just an INR10000 RMKV 256*256*256 colour palette silk sari? Btw, what happened to Z? Did she get a grandkid or what? Girls these days. They want to have a career.. And a say in their family. Ufff. Ghor Kalyug.

3. SN mama and AA maami: girls these days want freedom. To make their own lives. Can you believe how morally we have fallen? In those good old days, girls only had the freedom to make the beds and food. For the rest of the village, i mean, the relatives' procession. These days the girls say that they will cook for only themselves, their H and kids. What about their in-laws and the 1000 other close relatives? Who will feed them? They want to go out with their husbands. Chee! What will the 4people say? Didn't we take them everywhere when they were kids? Ungrateful generation. Aiyyo, our kids suck. Remember DH? Yeah! He took his parents and their inlaws to his honeymoon. What a sattvik guy. Look at our son! Joru ka gulaam. Ghor Kalyug.

4: Guptaji and his mrs: Guptaji, how's the market doing these days? Bad, man! Dowry market is down. Gold jewellery market down. Divorces up. Indeoendent houses market up. Single people market up. Divorced people market up. Dowry deaths market down. Gas cyclinders', which are specially tailored to burst when handled by DIL, demands down.
Economy is in a recession. Ghor Kalyug.

5. Neta ji, naya saal badhai ho. What's up? Kya what's up? Citizens are demanding rights!! Unbelievable. They want to use RTI for everything - my income, my jewellery, land, wife's property, kids' properties, second wife's properties, third concubine's fourth kid's fifth bank account. Ghor Kalyug.

6. Uncle ji to Ornob stop-the-chatter-jee on 'News everywhere channel: we bring news from your bedroom as well', girls and women these days talk about contraception pretty freely. It is a good sign. We are a 'mordarn' country.
Stop-the-chatter-jee to Uncle ji: what about your DIL?
Uncleji: we had kept a mannat that we'll feed 100 of our relatives, if a boy is born. Also, iam appreciating my son and dil to have a family size of 3.
Chatterjee: so what happens if a girl is born?
Uncleji: oh, bhagvan, haamare haath nahii chhodenge.

Chatterjee: viewers, your POV?

Viewers: ghor kalyug.
7: pujari in a Devi temple to ladies. Please don't come in during your 'those' days. The temple becomes impure.

Devi: ghor Kalyug


8:Bharkha shut (BS) in a sensational first report from the terrorists' den: so terroristji, what made you one?
T ji: blah blah blah
BS: really? Yada yada?
T's friend Y ji: yes, BS, yada blah yada blah

Commercial break

T's mummyji: arre ek do blast karne do. Monu is just a kid. blah blah blah
Human rights ji: yes, human rights are very important. He must have the freedom to kill. And to practice.

Pseudo-psychiatrist ji: yes, sigmand fraud ji told in his ashtami bhaashan that baser instincts need to be expressed and can't be curbed w/o harming T ji. We are a mordern democrazy country, so we'll take T ji's concerns seriously.

BS: thank you pseudo ji, human ji. And that concludes the exciting first report.

We put the 'anal' in analysis

God ji: ghor kalyug.

 

1. Boy's family: we are a very conservative, yet modern family.
Girl's folks: so she can work?
BF: sure! At home.
GF: no, no outside.
BF: outside the house? Or out of the kitchen?
GF: *gobsmacked* We mean for work.
BF: why should she have to go outside? Lots of weirdos outside. Horrible world.

GF: and inside? Ghor kalyug.

2: Yuppie's enthralling armchair speech in a hall about how one needs no more money than to cover basic needs and some safety buffer.

Applause.

Outside the hall, poor girl begging for food: please spare me a rupee or two.

Yuppie: no money. Chal hat.

Poor girl: ghor Kalyug

3: yuppie in another emotional speech about taking care of one's old parents. Blah blah
Applause.

Yuppie: which is the best and cheapest old age home to drop off ma and pa, driver? Take me there.

Driver: ghor Kalyug.