Hello All, sorry for the long post.I am creating this thread to share my plight.This might be just a vent but also your insight will be helpful. I want to list all the helps my sister did to me and helps i did to her. i want to know if she has the authority to command me or i owe her my life so shud oppose my husband and do things per sister convenience. I have my own approach in helping my parents or siblings, but i cannot completely neglect husband as that will effect my kids. First i will explain abt my husband. He is a kind of person who thinks, wife is his property, all my time, my income should be dedicated to our family i.e husband and kids. he doesnt like even if i talk like 1 hr on phone with my parents. he feels concerned am always thinking abt the problems of my parents and siblings. being the youngest in house, he expects i shouldnt have any responsibility of parents. Like when my father was hospitalized, i should only go for visit come back , shouldnt think abt staying months india to serve him. now my mom is sick and he expects same. he says your dad and sister told as a youngest you were not having any responsiblities. i fought with him so badly and we went to level of divorce in last 3 months and made him agree that am gonna resign job and stay with mom for an year. last few yrs also did lot of trips to India fighting with him, it was manageable time as they were weeks of vacation. I left my kids with him few times so that i could take parents hospitals. I gave money more money than what my sister gave to parents , hiding from husband. Like no husband could imagine his wife is giving like 40-45 lakhs hiding but last 12 yrs that was the amount i saved without his knowledge.he didnt give any money to his parents. took his parents sister expensive vacations and i let it go thinking i did much more to my parents. now coming to my sister. we are 3 siblings. my sister is 6 yrs elder to me , brother is 4 yrs elder to me. my sister has a girl 13 yrs,my brother is div stays with mom and i have 2 kids. dad passed away few yrs back. if you have all seen Dangal movie, my dad was like that and put lot of hopes and dreams on my sister from childhood. since my brother was a very poor student and me the youngest. He used to dream to get her study and send abroad before her marriage. and she will help him financially. when relatives started asking abt marriage. she said to my parents, i am shocked you expect me to go abroad and earn like boy, all my friends are getting married. for 3 yrs me and my dad used to go every marriage bureau for her proposals. i was in my 1st or 2nd yr degree that time. Being so young, out of love and goal that sister shud marry NRI, used to call all proposal guys as my mom would be busy. finally there was 2 guys who liked sister, 1 guy was smart, rich but just a graduate. 2nd guy was engineer they claimed to be rich but asked for lumpsum dowry. i said lets go with 1st guy and my sister said no she want guy 2 as she didnt get NRI guy and marrying graduate is even bad. My brother and dad went to relatives did debts and did my sister marriage. The debts were huge. they demanded grand marriage and diamond set for my sister etc. Within a month we got to know, my BIL did engineering for 9 yrs, he is taking medication for depression and dont have any job. Their dependency was on my sister. she had lot of struggles past 15 yrs due to BIL inability,she went to USA ,well settled. first few yrs of USA, she sent money to my dad for my marriage expenses( as i kept a condition will not marry guy who takes dowry) and she gave money to my brother to buy car and his H1. she helped me finding a job in India.she searched my husband online for me. I got married went to USA. me and husband got good jobs on our own. my sister showed feelings like, i did helps to you, now you owe me your entire life. your husband works so dont worry abt money. she always shouts 3 things. I gave money for your marriage, i helped you with first job, helped during your 2nd delivery. when my second one was born, my parents didnt come since my brother will stay alone. my sister came for 12 days to my house from morning to evening and used to do cooking for me. I used to stay like 5 mins from her house at that time. she always says i did for your delivery.what she did was change diapers few times and get a curry for me. I used to only breast feed him and snanam also i took care of him. it was 8 days after my delivery, i cleaned house and arranged a surpride bday party for her in house since she helped me coming home. her MIL and BIL came did a big drama on 21st day which i kept quite and explained husband. here are the things i did to her. 1. I was in midwest with hubby same city we had good jobs and she in east coast. she used to say, find job move to my city then you can help me.she used to cry with my BIL torturing her. she said need help as kid is growing. I used to have sleep less nights thinking how much torture she going thru.so i promised to her will move your city. You can imagine when we try to move to a specific city how tough the job search becomes.I found after one month struggle and my husband couldnt. still i went ahead and for 1 1/2 yrs husband and myself were meeting weekends. she says you moved my city and it only helped you during 2nd delivery. you didnt do anything to me which is such a big lie. 2. first 3 yrs when i was 2 hours drive away, i only shud go2 sister place once in 2 weeks. she kept that condition and if i say my husband complaints. she starts yeling at my husband and me says tell him u r here coz of me etc. 3. once i moved same city, i give rides to her as she doesnt drive. she does business trips and niece doesnt stand my BIL even a day. so when ever sister is outside niece in my home. i had 4 yrs a live in nanny and every week i used to give 2-3 curries to sister as she had a tough job. i placed my BIL twice in job in my own company. one place he got fired so badly and my boss stopped talking to me few months. 4. Seeing my husband control on my finances, i made a option of saving like 500-1000$ monthly without his knowledge. and planned to send that money to dad . my sister asked CLEAR ME YOUR MARRIAGE expenses DEBT first. she couldnt wait until my brother gets job or she started feeling jealous i was earning well. so i cleared it, this is like within a year of my marriage. 4. Then i started clearing debts of dad one of which was MY SISTER MARRIAGE DEBT. She said you dont need to do that, let dad or my bro sell house or clear it. But out of my love on dad, bro and sister i cleared. seeing me sending lumpsum money, she started sending monthly pocket money to my dad and brother. 5. many times my BIL gave bad words to me directly on face and also my husband many times. and i had to explain so much to hubby and always convince him. and make him talk to BIL and adjust with his behavior. Now these have been going for 8 yrs, she spent like 3 months on doing my marriage search online and 1 month to find me a job in India,she gave marriage expenses which i returned in a year. she came when i delivered but only did feeding and curry. Its more tough i handle my niece who troubles me so much at home. I have took care of her like more than 15 days. I am like doing these for 8 yrs and reached my saturation point. when ever my parents need comes, she says fight with hubby, sacrifice your job and go immediately. Last 4 trips i travelled within a day. My husband kids keep sad face and boss gets irritated. where as she plans india trips like for 1 month, comes with entire family and makes my parents roam even in their sickness. she says by going out their health gets better. these behaviors of my sister are spoiling my every day life. The main thing i was dissapointed was - My father asked my sister to help him get a loan so he builds second floor of our house like 8 yrs ago. she refused and said she giving pocket money itself is tough and she dont want sign loan. also suggested him to ask me. I told my dad at that time, as i was in process of clearing debts with relatives it wont be good if we build house keeping debts, within few yrs will give him cash and he can build second floor with no loan. as my husband wont allow me to sign papers. I kept my word, within 2 yrs i gave lumpsum money and my dad brother built a beautiful house. I told them build a simple 1 extra floor. it would have done in a year. Now here my sister pitched in, she started feeling insecure when my parents were praising. she declared at this point to take a loan on her name and build extra floors. I was so upset. why she didnt do this 3-4 yrs ago and now this became big construction. and brought a point where now our house is so huge and tough to handle. It took 3 yrs for my brother to complete the house. SO OVER all my sister mentality. she wont take any step forward to get our parents brother out of trouble. whether it was clearing their debts, constructing house or during my parents sickness. she fights and pressures me to put first step and then she also comes forward. Now with my mom sickness its clear few weeks trips wont help. one of us has to move for 6 months atleast. how abt kids education, how abt job. how abt husband. I didn't even ask her you should move, while i was still trying to adjust the fact of my mom sickness, i thought we should take any relatives help or hire one more maid for cooking etc.....she yelled at me badly saying why your husband doesn't allow you to resign and move India. you guys have 2 jobs so you resigning is fine. your husband takes care kids and they are young, so its fine if they study India for few years. I told her, more than kids education , or job money. The main problem is the mindset of my husband who is torturing me now, why you have to resign move being youngest in house. why cant your brother or sister handle. My husband didnt stop me completely, he said go for 6 months which should be enough to take care of your mom. 3 months during holidays kids will stay with you and 3 months elder one will come with me and younger one 4 yr will stay with you. I thought this 6 months is fair enough, sure mom will recover and we can take her US. Now atleast after going USA, i hope my sister will keep mom in her only reason being my sister has remote job. But she will again definetely give me commands to take mom home and do drives for her. etc. I missed saying abt brother, he is with parents for 8 yrs, he took care all the minor issues of parents like cataracts, viral fever hospitalizations etc only past 2 yrs me and sister are going. he works in India and they are were like we will fire you if you do more offs. he took many offs for my mom appointments whole year. he alone cant handle and who will cook at home for mom. so not to blame him. My sister doesnt agree my helps as any great. Only says she doing my marriage expenses, finding me first job is the greatest of all and also coming to help me with first 2 weeks of my 2nd one delivery are great help.