Getting pulled between 2 decisions

Hi. I cannot send or receive private messages yet. The last one was my first post. I tried to post my personal email here but it did not go through. Send me your email address if it works for you.
Thanks

 

Singlemom, it is against forum rules to exchange contact information on the forum. Please participate actively and avail of the free PM services, so you can contact anyone you like.

 

Hi dear,
Iam not that matured to give you suggestions.. But i can really pray for your happiness as a wellwisher..

 

[JUSTIFY]Dear USA2012,

Weigh your options carefully and decide your future!

Talk to single parents, divorcees, friends (trust-worthy) - mind all one can do is give you suggestions from one's point of view, life experiences and understanding of the problem. You have to determine what is applicable to you while analyzing the input. Some of the problems they have encountered may not be applicable in your case but there might be other issues that you have to face which were not applicable to them (education, work, country of residence, neighbourhood, friends and family support and most important your outlook in life).

Generally I've seen two kinds of people who have gone through divorce (with kids) in life. One kind swishes through in life with fortitude and positive attitude emerging successful (here successful means fulfilment and being happy). Some have remarried, some are in relationships with intent to marry and others are doing exceptionally well in life (career, recognition, living life to the fullest). The second types are those who have not inched in life with bitterness, hurt and blaming everyone around them for the sad and miserable state of their lives. What you choose to become post-divorce is in your hands. Like any other set back in life, it takes effort to overcome it and be prepared for the next obstacle that life throws at you.

Don't ever walk out if there is any chance of repair in a relationship (counselling, trial-separation). Coz only then when you walk out would you be able to not look 'back' and move 'ahead'. Even if you got married for the wrong reasons, get divorced for the right reasons! ONLY then would you able to able to fight this battle. Generally the ones who have walked out in confusion or ego regret it. But the ones who knew exactly what they want in life are better in dealing post-divorce. Don't just make up your mind but do you strongly feel that this is what would give you peace in life? Only then walk that path..

There are people I know who returned from 'hell' and today I cannot help but admire the courage and conviction displayed during most vulnerable times. For every 1000 people who may see you as 'failed in marriage', 100 people who treat you with contempt , 10 people who malign you, there is always someone who would look up at you for standing up for yourself! Who knows it could be your child one day who would be so grateful and proud of you. So does it really matter what these unrelated others think?

Mostly in this forum, I've seen not many happy lives post-divorce. Talk to others outside the forum in 'real world'. As IL is a very small fraction that represents cross-section of the society. As I mentioned, people who felt strongly about it, brushed off the past episode as a nightmare in the dawn of resuming their happy lives as single parent. I know a lot of people who belong to this category as well! It all depends on lot of factors, honey!

Don't think too much into the future now (re-marriage, 5 years, 10 years from now); let it unfold slowly and trust me when I say help appears in the unexpected places when you need it. There is always something/someone out there who would come to your aid no matter how bleak and dire the circumstances look (sympathetic neighbour, other single parents, new relationships in life). Take care and all the best!

What ever path you choose, I hope you find happiness...ta[/JUSTIFY]

P.S: Erm..sorry for the long post but in short I just want to HUG you and say - be brave and decide what you what to do in life! Rest follows...and falls in place.

 

Uttaraa, I admire your reply...thanks a lot dear...

All those ladies, especially ones with kids, pls re-think and ask urself the below questions. I have seen my close cousin sis getting divorced and her post divorce life...trust me its not easy, lot of harsh realities open up after u become single again with ur kid.

Questions u should ask urself:

1. The reasons I have today for divorce, are those of any relevance or significance after 3-4 years with ur hubby?

2. Does any fight or argument happen with only one person's mistake all the time?

3. What are my mistakes, how else I would have handled each situation?

4. Dont we have differences with our parents, siblings? We dont leave them cos we are blood relatives?

5. Have I had enough talks with him, before moving to this decision? Have I got all answers as NO from him before moving with divorce decision?

6. Is there money matters involved at a very serious level?

7. Is there any external affair for anyone of us?

8. Can't he make a good father?

9. Are there any physical intimacy related issues?

Answer urself honestly to the questions, no one is making judgement...u answer and u only judge..

Other in group can add more such questions to help our dear friends...

Dear ones .... "If it is only about the mental incomatibility you are going for divorce, then you are making blunder of ur life...think again..."

Hope this helps...pls try to save marriages as much as possible for kids sake...they will be really thankful to u when they grow up....