Getting pulled between 2 decisions

usa2012, i feel the SAME. we both are going thro the exact same thing. just that i am not in US and not wking currently. My husband has the same temper issue and my MIL who is visiting us is adding tonnes of fuel. As someone mentioned, there has to be a reason for his anger. I highly doubt mine has a online gf and yells at me for small things bcos his guilty consious pricks. I am living in hell just to give my daughter her father. Donno how long it will last.

 

usa2012,
how about searching yahoo/google groups etc for single moms?
I am sure there will be some social networking group to share & care.
I am very sorry for you and anishka.

 

Okay you said you have tried it, he refused that option. Did you tried actually living without him for 6 months. Why dont you just move out.( as i am guessing he will refuse to move out). just get another place and pack your stuff and move out quietly. tell him at the day of moving or after moving. and then see.
Dont you think this option is better than divorce. this is last attempt to see if your marriage can be saved.

i dont know your situation in depth. but do you think there is still small speck of goodness left in him? maybe he might come around. If there is still chance, better to try that then losing all. I am not asking you to live with him and keep on facing the brunt. but maybe a long break might give you both a preview of what life will be w/o each other.

 

Hope you found out a way to work out between you and him w.r.t child custody. Good Luck!

 

Hello there,
First of all - my deepest sympathies with you. Having gone through what you are going through right now, I understand your pain and your confusion. I had to file for divorce when my daughter was a baby. I have gone through a highly contested divorce and child custody trial costing tens of thousands of dollars. My daughter is now 7 years old and is flourishing. She goes back and forth between the two households and loves both parents.
You will know in your heart what you need to do - not just for yourself but for your child. It is not easy. It was hell for me but to me it was totally worth it. This is a very personal decision - remember, only you know best.

My apologies if I have misunderstood any aspect of your predicament. I did not read all posts and replies before writing the following.

Consider the following:
1. IF you file for divorce will your husband contest it? Will he contest custody? If so, the case can drag on for years resulting in tens of thousands of dollars of legal fees. Mine did. But remember, the law is different for different states in the US so you will need to research for your state.
2. Do you have any evidence of abuse (witnesses (unlikely) or tape recordings (from a hidden tape recorder - consider if safe and appropriate for use in your situation)). Most states are no-fault states for divorce but domestic violence and abuse are a factor in determining custody. Also, not all evidence is admissable in a court of law.
3. Do you have the support of family and friends here? Do you have the resources (finances, time-off from work, someone to care for your child when sick, someone who can be a sounding board for advice, etc)?
4. Attorneys are not easy to work with. They are expensive. They will ask for a lot of documentation from you. The more knowledgeable you make yourself, the "easier" this will be. It can be very time-consuming if it is contested.
5. Take your time (again depending on your situation) to make your decision. If you have made up your mind on the divorce DO NOT let your emotions (confusion, guilt, low self esteem, sense of loyalty) detract you from what is best for your child and you. This is easier said than done, I know.
6. Children are resilient. As long as you and the Dad keep the child's interest in the forefront, he/ she will thrive despite the parents being divorced. Cannot speak for India, but it is very common here. There is a lot of material on raising kids in two households.
7. Pray (if you are a believer).

Life is short. Every situation is different. Be strong. No matter what you choose, I hope and pray that you are able to overcome your obstacles and experience joy in your life.
Hugs and God bless.
Singlemom