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Getting pulled between 2 decisions

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by USA2012, Jan 14, 2012.

  1. USA2012

    USA2012 New IL'ite

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    Thanks for your post. Please check your PMs regarding legal point on seperation...which I can not type here.
    Thanks.
     
  2. USA2012

    USA2012 New IL'ite

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    Its like this, He just wants to torture me by saying the D word. Nither he goes for it nor does he live happily. My keeping quite is misundrstood & he took me for granted and increase his verbal abusement.
     
  3. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    He is bullying you thats all. He is basically a coward ,the wife is an easy target who will have to tolerate the nonsense . Maybe he is having problems at work and is venting out at home on you.
    Next time he says the D word ask him to start the proceedings. He feels that you are probably scared of D and he keeps taunting you with it.
    Bullies have to be dealt with firmness. Either he should stop his raving and ranting or separate.
     
    3 people like this.
  4. USA2012

    USA2012 New IL'ite

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    Hi Srividya,
    I am trying to send you PM, I think your inbox is full.
     
  5. aaral

    aaral Silver IL'ite

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    Dear USA2012,
    Go with the second option.You may give your children a complete family but damage them seriously mentally ,please google domestic violence and its effect on children. Then you will realize there is only one choice for your and children's well being. God Bless.
     
  6. Sri2007

    Sri2007 New IL'ite

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    I agree with others to go with 2nd option. Here are answers to your questions.

    1) Is the life very challenging when you handle it single handedly?
    - Yes Life is not easy. It will bechallending/tough. Initially you will have problems. But if you stay strong get help from friends and family, you can handle it. If you are finaicially independent , you can face anything in this world.

    2) Do the children of single parent develop differently from kids of complete family?
    - I don't think so. It depends on how you bring up the kids. If you give them the love and support they need and be patience with them, they will be fine. Believe me kids easily adjust to change faster than we think.

    3) Do people look at the single mom differently?in USA or in India?
    - Yes definitely. No matter whether you are single mom or married, people always talk. But dont worry about others, live for yourself.

    4) Is it posible to file for your divorce on your own without hiring a lawyer? I am planning to take intial advice from a lawyer but want to file on my own.
    - I think it would be best if you hire a lawyer to know all the legal aspects of the case. Not sure if you can file on youw own in India.

    5) How do you handle questions asked by your child about your ex?
    - tell them the truth , they will understand.

    Good Luck with everything.
     
  7. LIBRA20

    LIBRA20 Junior IL'ite

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    Hi OP,

    Do you want to do trial separation before taking the big step. Ask him that you guys will live separately for 3 - 6 months. this might change him and if it doesnt then u can go for divorce anytime
     
  8. USA2012

    USA2012 New IL'ite

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    I tried it. He is not ready for it. Every option I suggest , he wants to twist it.
    So far he wanted me to go away with my child. I am ready to do that. So again he is unhappy.
    Now he wants to fight for child custody. I am looking out for someone who has gone through child custody battle. An Indian in USA with US citizen child. Anybody? pleae suggest.
     
  9. GMReddy

    GMReddy Silver IL'ite

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    dear op,

    i have seen a single mom with two kids -facing many challenges in bringing up the children.

    it is a challenging task and it needs financial support and courage to face society.

    but at the end you will have satisfaction that you have led your life on your terms.

    if there is no peace in your marriage, then it is better to take tough decision of separation.

    best of luck.
     
  10. freddycat

    freddycat Platinum IL'ite

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    To OP:

    It is bit unusual for a father to behave immaturely. Typically, a
    responsible/loving father will not scare his kid(s), unless he is
    under the influence.

    Just a thought, have you talk to your parents or his parents about the situation?

    May be, some one from his family (sis or bro) or a trusted friend, he respects/listens, could advise him or correct his behaviour?

    There must be some reason for his harsh/reckless behaviour, definitely he needs help/counselling.

    Again, there is only so much one can put up with the domestic abuse.

    Something tells me that even if you separate or D' from him, he will not go away completely. possibly, a nagging/bullying kind. Please be prepared for that, also.
     
    Last edited: Mar 22, 2012

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