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Getting pulled between 2 decisions

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by USA2012, Jan 14, 2012.

  1. USA2012

    USA2012 New IL'ite

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    Last edited: Jan 22, 2012
  2. USA2012

    USA2012 New IL'ite

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    I asked him "lets go to marriage counseller" & he immediately rejected the idea.I am financially independent.
    Thanks.
     
  3. USA2012

    USA2012 New IL'ite

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    Thanks for your help NB. Your points are very helpful. I will send you a PM on child custody matters.
     
    Last edited: Jan 23, 2012
  4. USA2012

    USA2012 New IL'ite

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    He is just sitting & telling me every few days that he wants divorce or get out of my home. Till last few months I was never for divorce. now I am thinking in that direction. Nither he is filing for divorce nor he is living happily
     
  5. USA2012

    USA2012 New IL'ite

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    I tried this for sometime. He started taking advantage of my silence & provoking me to fight. If I kep quite , he will continue argueing & then will start verbal abusement which makes me angry. Than I start argueing too.
     
  6. lakvishy

    lakvishy Senior IL'ite

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    Move on friend, there is nothing left in this marriage for you. You are getting abused and it is not a good experience for your child too. It will damage his mental equilibrium !

    Good luck, move on and things will fall at their right place.
     
  7. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Since he is threatening you with the D word let him go ahead and file papers. You should not do it, dont walk out , let him send the papers to you. Maybe he is inciting you to make the first move to escape alimony.
    Do you have any evidence of abuse?
    Why is he abusing you, is there are a third person on the scene? There has to be a reason behind all his.Its sad for the child to grow up seeing fights and DV .
    If possible separate for a few months so that both of you get clarity and cool down.
     
  8. USA2012

    USA2012 New IL'ite

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    In USA, it doesn't matter who filed it first. everything gets divided into 2 parts. So thats not the matter. I dont know if there is a 3rd person...don't think so. because his behaviour doesn't say that.

    There are always reasons behind the fight. Arguments happen between all the couple , but when he takes the small matter to make a big issue & starts abusing, that is what hurts & no wife can keep quite at the time mainly when abusement is done on silly matters.

    Many times I have tried to keep quite, but he provoked me to fight back by verbal abusement.
     
  9. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Its a terrible stuation indeed. If it doesnt matter who files for D then why doesnt he do it ? Why is he waiting for you to start the proceedings? Maybe he is scared of setting the ball rolling and wants you to be the fall guy and be blamed for it. He can leave the house, file for D if he is so eager.
    First all of sit with and talk calmly, (not when you are annoyed) ,ask him openly whats making him think of Divorce , is it a third person or plain frustration, boredom, job problems, family ?
    If he wants to save the marriage then state your conditions that no abusive words will be used at all. You have to firm on this, he has to control his anger .
    Also keep out of each others way, talk minimum , stay in different rooms if required. Avoid each other at home, this will prevent any explosive situation. Have dinner separately if it helps. Do the housework , take care of the house but no interaction except what is necessary.
    Hopefully after a few months things will settle down. He will miss your company and make amends. He may not say sorry , but his actions should say so. Saying sorry and repeating the mistakes never helps.
    Try this and see the results.
    If nothing works then you can take your decision, this way you have tried your best and will not have any regrets.
     
  10. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    have you considered temporary separation??? just shift to a separate accomodation and live and figureout whether you really want to work on marriage or separate!!! when you start living by yourself lots of things become clear ...for both of you
     

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