Getting Out Of Rut I Created

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by mangaii, Dec 10, 2021.

  1. mangaii

    mangaii Platinum IL'ite

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    I went through some big drama few weeks back and after that my life has become stand still .

    I'm unable to move past that drama with my mind constantly re-winding these thoughts. With work being slow I'm obsessed by thinking about various permutations and combinations 24x7. I stopped working out . I'm completely slacking off when it comes to kids and kitchen . I think about the issue going to bed and again waking up. Whole day I get zoned off. I don't know how to help myself.

    I had some goals for end of year now it is not possible anymore since I wasted major chunk of my time. Half of time I feel guilty and put off starting things where I stopped thinking anyway I cannot finsih. I feel like I'm wiping off all my last 8 months of effort because of last one month drama. My eating habits have gone for a toss too.

    I want to fix myself. I appreciate any help, insights to help me get the issue out of my head.I just want to accept the reality and move on. Unfortunately my mind is all over the place and refusing to accept it.
     
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  2. abcd5

    abcd5 Silver IL'ite

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    I went through a big family drama a few months ago due to my mom's health issues. These activities helped me to come out of it.

    1.I read How to stop worrying and start living by Dale Carnegie.
    2.I checked with the doctor and started taking Ashwagandha Herbal Supplement and vitamin D.
    3.listed to devotional songs.
    4.I live in Michigan and I ordered a nice light therapy lamp
    5. long walks.
     
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  3. EverydayBloom

    EverydayBloom Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Op,

    I went through similar circumstance where I was involved in big drama unintentionally which made a big stand still of my life exactly how you explained, waking up to that exact incident until I dozed off every night. It took good amount of time for me to "Move on". Somethings that I did are:

    - Discussing with trusted loved ones, in my case is my mom, she gave me third person perspective without taking sides or judging the incident and counseled me, but I cannot rely on her every single time i felt low which happened most of the day, at that time I let thoughts work and analyze with the perspective I heard from my mom, which helped me tremendously.
    - I lost interest in food/fitness/my fav cooking and such but days like christmas/new year(happened exactly an year ago) came in and pushed myself to keep it lively for kids which helped me to move on.
    - I took "TIME" to heal myself. Somethings does need time to settle down but at the same I trust my guts and accepted that everything happened for our own good.
    - I involved myself in spiritual ritual and did simple pooja for mental peace and used to cry out loud to share my feelings and let that pain out which helped me so much.

    We experience unexpected hardships just to make us better and understand people better and clear.

    Hope this helps.

    Take care
     
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  4. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    It is not easy to get out of such "all consuming" ruts. It takes time and lot of effort. We have to be patient with setbacks.

    I did the usual mindfulness, me-time, self-care, and those helped a bit. But the monkey in the brain needed to be managed. This was the biggest challenge. What finally worked was: I made a rule that I could brood on that topic/issue only if I was also recording my thoughts. If I was at my computer, I had to open the Google Doc reserved for it and do a freewrite. If I was not at the computer, I used the notes app on my phone. Freewrite here means writing down words, sentences and paragraphs without thinking. In my case, all lowercase, no punctuation.

    The first result was that the "brooding" time periods started to have a defined start and end. The second was that I could go successfully go back to the activity that I had interrupted to brood. And of course, eventually, the brooding times reduced in duration per day.

    It is not easy. If I was cooking, I had to switch off the cooker and brood-write on my phone. The best thing was it discouraged me from brooding when driving.
     
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  5. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    I don't think I went through bad situation as yours (but it was still pretty aweful).

    I fell into art therapy and posted it on Instagram. The likes (real and bots) gave me the healing and validation I was looking for.

    I painted scenes of India (because i wish things would have worked out, and i wanted to be part of that scenery). i did meditative art.

    Sometimes non-verbal communication helps to open up insights into what is hurting us, and what we truly want.

    After 9 years I am back on track to continue where I left off, i.e. got back to normal weights, working on IT certs.
     
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  6. Desiindian

    Desiindian Gold IL'ite

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    Can't related to your emotions as I have never experienced this. Change of place may help, Counselling, or take alone trip to place you don't know. Just a suggestion.
     
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  7. Srama

    Srama IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear @mangaii ,

    First accept that whatever has happened, has happened. Then also accept that these thoughts will continue to play in your head till you make peace with yourself, or the situation - no matter how long. It is okay.

    The way I usually deal with difficult sitautions is to ask my self if that/this matters four moths down the line. Perhaps it will. Then ask your self "will today matter four months down the line?". Perhaps it will too. But the difference is you can make your today better, even if for only a few moments a day. Just start with something small that you feel you have control on. Usually a 10 min walk (not longer so that you allow brooding to come in), read may be 5 pages a day, even if not in the mood, if you are in the habit of lighting a lamp to god do it and sit there for a couple of minutes - alternativey light a candle and watch it for a couple of minutes, or recite a shloka or two loudly and deliberately, fill in a zentangle or doodle one. Just do it! When you do these little things, your mind will percieve the relief of not being burdened with thoughts - recoginize the moment and enjoy the moment. Moments will turn into minutes.

    Look back into your life . Pick out what has worked for you in the past, reduce the time of that activity and do that. You have to teach yourself to put one step infront of the other - baby steps. You want to feel that your today matters because it does. I would refrain from mediattion or yoga - it is not easy to bring oneself to the mat when mind is agitated. If you have an excellent practise of doing either one of them, then you absolutely should hang on to it for a few minutes at least (just like the other little things I suggested).

    And I cannot drop off with out suggesting our "75 challenge" - just pick one small activity and post there, even if it is just drinking two glasses of water a day :) We will be with you. Hugs and warm wishe to you. Hope you feel better.
     
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2021
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  8. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    Three things have worked for me when I catch myself obsessing about situations I can do nothing about.

    The first is writing about it. I let it all out on paper. The event, the possible courses of action, my feelings about it. Then I shred the paper.

    The second is physical activity. Lace up and go for a run when the pain is overwhelming. Rake your yard, shovel the driveway, clean your home. Consciously postpone stressful thoughts until you're doing whatever physical activity you choose. It takes a little discipline, but you'll soon train yourself to limit dark thoughts to gym-time.

    The third is volunteering. Nothing alleviates pain and clears the mind better than helping someone else.

    Good luck, @mangaii. I hope things get better for you soon.
    .
     
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  9. harithab

    harithab Silver IL'ite

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    Believe that whatever drama / issue happened wont last forever....."Time" will heal everything.. Give some time ..

    As u wrote, accept the reality and move on ....
    Engage urself more into your favorite activities...
    Write ur worries on a paper and ur feelings about the same...read it one more time and tear it off..
    Listen to music which u love to hear ...go for walks to parks ...
    And if u have a true friend, U can talk to her/him too ..

    Hope U find peace soon .
     
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  10. mangaii

    mangaii Platinum IL'ite

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    I would like to thank everyone for posting your suggestion.
    I needed some time to accept things . Now in a better state than when I posted the thread.
    Hopefully 2022 is a better year
     

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