getting frustrated with myself and relations..pls help

First things first...you have to tell your mom to cut the cord...you are not a baby anymore...you are the mom now and you need to take care of your baby and you and your husband n baby need some lone time to adjust, adapt and work on things by yourselves.

There is no harm in telling your parents and brother to maintain distance. If you are feeling awkward and bad, tell them that your husband is taking care of you well and he wants to do things byhimself and he wants to feel that happiness of being a father and taking more responsibility...so let him do what he wants to and for that your bro and parents have to minimize the visits. That way your husband knows the stress around the house with a new baby and managing things in and out and also your parents can have a good time with your husbands involvement too when they come to visit.

sometimes we kids think what if our parents feel bad if we tell them to stay away fro a while..you cant relate everything that happens in your life to your moms emotional problems. your mom has to get herself checked and take needed medications. Think what if inlaws had behaved the same way?? would you have taken it so patiently? there would have been so much of cribbing n name calling by this time. and also there wouldnt have been any hestitation to tell them to stay out of it...so why not do the same with your parents too.

Finally point here is...there is nothing wrong in telling them upfront. That way you are doing good to them..how?? by not letting them feel bad down the line that your husband didnt give them respect etc..also they have to understand and draw the line of limit somewhere.

Tell them openly that this weekend we WANT TO BE ALONE with the kid. WE dont want any company. Please mom and dad you take rest and I WANT TO manage things on my own. I AM GROWNUP.I thank you for all the support you have given me all this while but I want to start doign things on my own now. My husband wants to take the responsibility and help me out. He wants tobe part of this so let him enjoy that feeling. Also last but not least...WE WILL ASK when we NEED HELP.(I am sure your brother would understand as he too has kids and your mom would understand if you say you are grownup and can manage)

Also stop expecting your parents to baby you all the time. If you expect them tot ake care of you and baby you pre and post pregnancy, then they sure would take it for granted and think you need lots of help around as you cant take care of yourself or there is no one to take care of you...ALWAYS think what if tomorrow you move out to a diff. place how would you manage??and work on being independant. Also at this age I dont think your mom needs to do all that stuff..that too with her emotional problems.

Try it and see...First of all if you are convinced thinking that you are not doing anything wrong by telling them to maintain distance...you can do it..if you are not convinced and if you enjoy all the over attention and pampering you are getting..and because of your husbands complaints you have to tell them..you can never justify that thought also of telling them to stay away for a while.

 

If they are sensitive to understand things then should have understand by now.It looks like not.They feel it's there daugthers house and they have every right to come to house whenever they wanted.

I would suggest,take bigger house (if you have own house then see you can construct some 2 rooms upstairs ) and let your parents stay in seperate house whenever they visit or move to different location where they can't reach easily or change the city,asj your husband to get job in different city.

If t they are leaving by themself then they shouldn't looking to come to your house.Since they are living with your brother that's why they are optiong to come to your house all the time.
Would you able to talk your brother and see he can construct extra rooms in hos house and where your parents can get privacy.

I know you can't tell them straight.

 

Its very difficult situation to be in, especially when its to do with mom. How close are you with your mom? Can you talk to her openly at all? If yes, then I suggest you tell her directly that you are feeling invaded. You can tell her that as much as you love her to be around, you need some time to spend with kid and husband "alone". That is what is your priority right?
I think if you tell her this way, she will feel less offended.

 

I agree with others..
After marriage, Husband always comes first. You should always give him and kid, the priority. When u know that ur husband doesnt like that, u should stop that first. and also when u are not happy, wat is the point in keeping silent to all these? Dont let this affect ur relationship with ur husband.
Of course, you can tell ur Parents that u need some space for yourself and not so comfortable with their frequent visits. Your parents will definitely understand.. tell them openly wat all u have in ur mind. All parents will want to see their daughters happy.
But the thing is that ur parents often visit u since they are not much comfortable in ur brothers place. Try to solve their problem too.

 

You've got to speak up and make it clear that the visits are way too frequent. Also, you need to make it clear that you expect them to CALL and ASK before coming over.

If you feel this is too hard for you to tell to your mom, tell it straight to your brother and make sure he passes along the request to your parents.

Enough is enough. You are totally stressed, and your hubby is hiding in his room. It's time to speak up.

 

OP,

I suggest you to discuss with your brother.. Since he is also sailing in the same boat he might understand the situation better.. So, tell him to limit their visits as it is affecting you.. I believe your parents live with him..