Getting Bad Dil Tag Repeatedly

ah...ha... you point to the need to have a training with the Jehovah's Witnesses, where the trainees would be taught how to take a seemingly negative comment, and subject the reviewer to hours of polite interlocution (more painful than forced inoculation). After that first session of conversational exchange, the MIL would be totally cowed. And refuse to cast her shadow on the home of that annoyingly polite, and exceedingly annoying daughter in law. All would thenceforth go on to live happily ever after.

 

Dear OP

Everything comes down to one thing that determines your happiness, respect, sanity and all at home after marriage. That is none other than your bonding with your H.
If he respects and loves you, if he has concerns over your well-being (physical & emotional) and if he is determined to lead his rest of the life with you, then he will make sure you are comfortable at wherever you live.
He will handle his side of the people, so that they won't cross your path unnecessarily.
He will protect you from whatever the bad tags and assassinations.

All your problems could have been solved, if your relationship with your H is restored.

Eg: When I had issues with H, I had no say when it comes to MIL's forceful entry at our kitchen to cook and serve dinner for her son, while I wait as an outside to cook or eat by myself.
Now, when the relationship is great, MIL has no place not only in our house, but also in our lives if she is to behave recklessly.
She and I remain the same. Our problems remain the same. But what is different is my relationship with my H.

Work on to build a good bond with your spouse. Everything else will be sorted out very soon

 

Maybe get him to do some work for him to understand..tell him chop these onions (so he will understand the tears) peel the peas..fill and carry the water vessel( coz u are weak he is the man!) If he comes late in the night tell him it's for tomorrow..

I might be a little rude in the way I portrayed the above..because even I got the Bad DIL title and yes the cut is too deep and the scar will always remain..

For someone who was cheerful,helpful after I heard this statement I have started to think twice before I help anyone else..
I'm working on getting myself back and always tell to myself be it any situation I will make an effort to never say any rude statements to anyone because I know how badly it hurts..

But you know what don't let the same needle hurt you again..Shield your hurt with iron and one day you might become IRON woman!!

 

@Needtobestrong , I would say wear bad dil tag as a badge of honour, a good dil tag is not a good thing, you don't want to be a lifelong slave killing all your dreams. So stop worrying about that do not do extra work,do not cook extra do some Dal or sambhar and keep extra rice that's it, if guests are there every other day this is all you should do . As far as extra utensils let it lie in kitchen sink, if not bring big plastic tubs and transfer into it for maid to wash. When maid asks extra salary promptly ask husband to pay that's it. One thing you need to realise is if you keep doing work they will not bother, stop doing it only then it will change. Cook one pot meals like pulav or something for bf and rice and sambhar for lunch , for dinner just keep extra rice, no more extras, don't even cut extra vegetables, just put Dal more, repeat same every day. For snacks buy read made namkeens.
Also if mil wants to prepare something else or plan menus then leave kitchen for her don't assist.

As for as husband not spending time with you, the more you seek his attention and run behind, you will drive him away more. Pay attention to your health, your well-being first then things will fall in place. No extra work, unless you put yourself as priority even husband won't make you priority.
And functions you choose what you want to attend let them talk, if they try to lecture just escape saying you do what is best for your health that's it don't give explaination.

 

Ma'am how did you work on building a stronger relationship. Any incident or conversation in particular you remember which made it strong or better?
Can you kindly share your wisdom on how we all can achieve it?

 

If he is doing is all the work when guests arrive then maybe appreciate him verbally or give him a gift thanking him for the help..but don't tell him spend some time with me immediately after giving..maybe he will feel like reciprocating at some point..
But yes don't over do it because it might end up as a task for you and they would expect that from you everytime..so balance it out and see..

 

@Anusha2917 has good suggestions. Most Indian DIL’s have gone through this at some point. The lady of the house has to be a good host. We outdo our hosting to the point where we hate the guests. I have learnt some lessons over the years. I only cook as much as I can. I do not hesitate to use disposable cups / plates/ spoons etc.
you need to set some rules in your household . Your health and sanity comes first. Everything else can wait, including the dishes in the sink.
How about using your kids studies as a excuse to reduce the flow of guests?