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Getting Angry Is Not Bad, Staying Angry Is.

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by HariLakhera, Aug 21, 2022.

  1. HariLakhera

    HariLakhera Platinum IL'ite

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    GETTING ANGRY IS NOT BAD, STAYING ANGRY IS.

    WHY WE GET ANGRY

    The subject has been dealt with in detail by our saints and sages, philosophers, intellectuals, and of course commoners. I being a common man will also deal with it in a very common way.

    The root cause of anger is expectations from others and the self. We get angry if something does not go as per our expectations. It may be someone else or our own self.

    That someone else may be our own parents, spouse, children, relatives, friends, or even strangers. We always expect something from others and if they fail to behave the way we want them to we get angry. I will not go into details because that will turn this article into a book.

    We get angry with ourselves because we do not measure up to our own expectations. We want to control our senses but cannot and hence get angry. We want to control our situation but cannot and hence get angry. We want to be successful in whatever we do but cannot and hence get angry. In short whatever we want to change but cannot hence get angry.


    HOW CAN WE AVOID BEING ANGRY

    It is obvious that if we can control the root causes of anger, we can control anger. It seems so simple but it is not because the very assumption that we can control the root causes of anger is self-defeating. Anger is a natural reaction and very much human. Those who claim to have control over their anger are not speaking the truth.

    There is no need to control anger. Being angry is not a crime. Staying angry is. In anger one speaks his/her heart out. The truth comes out. That truth may not be everybody’s truth but at least it is his truth. Anger reveals a man inside out. Say it and be done with it. If you do not do it you will stay angry and that is dangerous because it does no harm to others but a lot of harm to you. It is like acid that eats the vessels it is stored in.
     
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  2. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Interesting thoughts and I was able to relate to almost all of the writing.
    True. The emotion called anger is often mistaken with behavior that is angry. Though the two are quite different.

    Like the other emotions which have a negative connotation -- envy, sadness, stress, anxiety -- anger too possesses its usefulness. It can propel us to action and to better behavior.
    If by control they mean that they don't get angry or feel anger at all, I share your disbelief of that claim.

    Rather than spend energy on avoiding anger altogether, I'd prefer to build skills to manage and channelize it productively.

    Get angry, don't stay angry. Frankly, I am leery of people who never get angry. That cannot be natural or healthy!

    There's a popular quote:
    A man is no bigger than the smallest thing that provokes him. ~ Dan Horton.
    I disagree. It is not correct to judge a man by what provokes him. Judge him by how he handles his anger or how long he stays angry.
     
  3. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra Finest Post Winner

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    Dear Hari Sir,

    Anger is considered one of the enemies of the man as Arishadvargas are Kama(desire), Krodha(anger), lobha(greed), Mada(arrogance), moha(delusion), and Matsarya(jealousy). All these negative characteristics prevent a man from attaining peace and ultimate liberation.

    Anger stems from the seeds of desires and attachments. In fact all of the above negative qualities come from these two infections of the mankind. I am of the view that persistent anger or anger as a quality of a human being changes the attitude, behavior and character of an individual long-term. I agree anger happens as a natural reaction of disappointments. It is a reaction of the mind about something that is unacceptable to it. People show their emotion of anger in different ways. It would range from being silent, refusing to eat food, screaming at a high pitch, making sarcastic comments, excessively eating food, a total breakdown of the mind including depression, and many more.

    Even though it appears an uphill task, it is possible to control the mind and senses by practice. Both science and spirituality suggest diverting the mind is the best way one can control anger. Prolonged internal reaction to a disappointment feeds anger like adding fuel to the fire.

    The gradual progression of anger includes the following:

    a) annoyed, b) frustrated, c) upset, d) irate,e) furious and f)enraged. Anger often is viewed as a single emotion, however, anger occurs in many forms on a continuum from annoyed to enraged. A saint was asked, "What is anger?" and he gave an answer that was an eye-opener. He said, "It is a punishment we give to ourself, for somebody else's mistake".

    Here is an illustratio of the effect of anger:

     
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2022
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  4. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    It is an interesting thread. Many thanks for posting!
    While agreeing to this concept, I was able to relate to the below statements, but from a different view point.

    Of course, being angry is not a crime, but commuting a crime out of anger is the problem. That's why one should control his/her anger.
    When my kids were young, and throwing a tantrum at the supermarket, I get angry. But I control my anger, so that I do not misbehave in public.
    I've read somewhere, when a similar thing happened to another mom, she pushed her child hard out of anger, resulting a serious head damage to the child. It is a crime committed out of anger.

    Again, I beg to disagree with you. It is not true!!!
    It depends. Different people have different tolerance level.
    Your ability to control your emotions, be it anger, sadness, happiness etc..etc... depends on so many things. It is about your age, maturity, experience, exposure to different contexts, health matters etc....

    For example, I used to get angry so easily and react immediately out of anger. But with time, I have reached to a point where I can control my emotions better than I was before.
     
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  5. HariLakhera

    HariLakhera Platinum IL'ite

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    1. We are a bundle of emotions. It is not possible to accept everything that is happening around us. So, when our emotions are hurt, we get disturbed and angry, which is natural. However, with practice, we learn to control it by taking a deep breath or by sipping a glassful of water, or just diverting our attention. Those who can not do it, harm others and in the process get harmed as was done by the mom you referred to. She should have remembered that throwing tantrums comes naturally to kids and if the frequency increases, part of the blame is on the parents who pamper them to start with and then thrash them when it becomes too much.
    2. Simple. Those who say they never get angry are not speaking the truth. What they want to say is that they have learned how to control anger. In Hindi we call it -Kaduwa ghoont peena- to swallow a bitter drink. Believe me, there are so many temptations out there to get angry or even commit murder, but we see only minuscule events like that. Otherwise, every place on the road will be a 24/7 battleground.
     
  6. HariLakhera

    HariLakhera Platinum IL'ite

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    I shudder to think if humans were emotionless. They would be worst than animals and equal to stones. Or, maybe stones too have emotions.
    The bottom line is getting angry is natural, and staying angry is a crime. It needs a lot of practice and detachment.
     
  7. HariLakhera

    HariLakhera Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Shri Viswa,
    Well explained. The chap in the video is the prime example of frustration of own making. There was a movie on Anger Management where the adviser himself gets murderously angry.
    In my opinion, the main reason for getting angry is not accepting the age-old maxim that says not all humans are the same emotionally.
    The moment we expect others to act and behave the way we do is the cause of getting angry
    Watch a flow of heavy water. The moment it gets stuck, it waits, garners heat of anger, and blasts everything around it, least caring who was to be punished in the first place.
    Same thing applies to uncontrolled anger. An angry man does not bother who gets hurt.
     
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