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Fuming Today....:(

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by anika987, Jan 2, 2020.

  1. satya15

    satya15 New IL'ite

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    Anika, don't mistake me for saying this; your inferiority complex drives you nuts. You want to prove that you are worthy as you have had few negative experiences in your life.

    Think in your relatives perspective why they are targeting you! Since they think that you are an average student, lazy and dumb (even though you are not those), they are jealous now that you have got a well settled life with an understanding husband who takes care of whatever you need. you might not know your relatives day to day lives and whether they have nice or not so good life. Some of your relatives might feel that they have to work hard to get what they want (some of their husband might not spend their money for them) but for you, it's not the same and that they have to send the kids to day care where you take care of your kids, spending quality time with them. So they try to poke on one point which you think you are weak and that's what making you feel bad about yourself.

    Only you can change the way you think about yourself. Our mind is either our friend or our enemy.
     
    Sunshine04 and anika987 like this.
  2. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    English and social studies can also be offered through online tuitions for middle school. There are online translation opportunities too. There are data entry jobs which are work from home too. I would suggest you to take tuitions at home with children from your neighbourhood. If you need any details for online tuition, I will get it from my aunt.
     
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2020
    Sri2196 and anika987 like this.
  3. Deepika23

    Deepika23 Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Op,
    Don’t spoil your family peace by feeling inferior. Every role has its positive and negative aspect.
    Being SAHM doesn’t mean u r inferior to others . Tell ur relatives that ur husband supports u being a SAHM.

    I know a lady who doesn’t want to work due to severe back pain but is forced to work by her husband. There were days when she stood throughout in front of the PC due to back pain. When she wanted to resign her husband said pack ur bags and go back to India .

    Don’t you think u r lucky. There are many such cases.
    Another instance : Wife and children sent to different country for PR and husband stays comfortably in his job. She has to find a job and take care of children. Once she settles he would join them. She has to struggle alone in the new place.
    Don’t you think you are lucky that you just have to take care of the house and no office tension. Enjoy your life
     
    Amulet, Mehana, RetireFI and 3 others like this.
  4. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    That’s cruel..the poor lady with the back pain..it could also be of disc reallocation.Did she check it?How is she doing now
     
  5. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Do you have any links??
    Interested
     
  6. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    That's really cruel.
    Not worth living with this kind of guy
     
    anika987 likes this.
  7. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    Mcube and tutor pixie are the 2 online tuitions , my aunt is taking classes in. She used to work for Pearson group too as online tutor.
    I know of a friend who takes online spoken English classes through wats app . She posts advertisement in social media about her English courses. They are my role models and well wishers.
     
    anika987 likes this.
  8. RetireFI

    RetireFI Senior IL'ite

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    @anika987 Everyone has some issues. Grass is always green on the other side. WM or SAHM, try to develop good techniques to overcome insecurity and lack of self esteem. See if this link helps.
    5 ways to build lasting self-esteem
     
    anika987 likes this.
  9. Agathinai

    Agathinai Silver IL'ite

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    You need to go see a therapist for your counselling. You have been carrying your emotional baggage about long gone bullying issues for more than a couple of decades into your married life. That’s really long and it’s in your hands to let go of the past. You have a good husband and kids and so try to be cheerful and not worry about others.

    Just was thinking about some relatives. They were never working but they all contributed tremendously at home and brought up their kids who are all good human beings. Being a full time hands on parent is something you need to cherish. You can do baby sitting part time job or do home based jobs or whatever you like. Do it for your family and not for others.

    It’s high time you change your world view and focus on what’s important in life. Focus on your kids and your family.
     
  10. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    Anika, you have gotten constant positive, supportive and helpful advises from our IL group for a long time. Somehow it feels like that the bad, insulting and ugly statements gets in deeper to you than all of the positive ones put together.

    You can always say you are working from home for a company - YOU choose not to.

    You can stop the bad people from controlling your life - YOU choose not to.

    You can take your supportive spouse’s words first n mute the rest - YOU choose not to.

    You can enjoy your beautiful married life (being part of IL, you do know how lucky are to have that) - YOU choose not to.

    You are blessed with a beautiful family to call your own
    Have a healthy body, all your limbs, ability to move
    Blessed with good amount of wealth and no force to work to feed yourself
    These are your blessings in your life
    - But YOU choose not to see

    Instead YOU choose to give importance to the ridiculous people who only wants to see you fail (or you are a two mins entertainment for them) and giving them so much power that you can’t be happy with what you have but only worrying about what you don’t have.

    I myself have had a horrible, abusive childhood. I was super sensitive, weak, Naive, stupid, who believed everything white is milk, everyone who smiles are good people, my own happiness n sadness tied around people around me. The horrible story can go on for pages n pages n pages.

    There was a time some years ago when I realized that my happiness was blocked by my past, the burden was so heavy, that I was barely crawling on the floor to move. A past that I can do nothing about. I don’t have a time machine, I can’t change the past. It was blocking my present n future. That day I decided that instead of carrying all that burden, I AM choosing to be happy. It wasn’t an easy transition, but I pushed myself. My focus was that I should feel ‘happy’ instead of having this darkness in my mind n feeling terrible. I started to enjoy lil lil things, yummy food, a walk on the street, a silly phone game, a movie, a book, browsing online, online shopping (mostly jus adding to cart or list), even lying on the couch sometimes, generally things that makes me happy, ME, not anyone else. Slowly I could see the change, I went n made friends on my own, ladies around me, they had many flaws n carried their baggage too. But I found a few that I could tolerate initially, then it blossomed. I started to see the blessing in every little thing in my life, my spouse, kid, siblings, parent, in laws, relatives, neighbors, friends, whatever. Regardless of their flaws or our good / bad moments, I started to see things differently. Started to take it easier. Told myself that I live once, why shouldn’t I actually live my life instead of having my bad past n bad people on my shoulders dragging me down. It wasn’t an easy transition but it was the one that ‘I CHOSE’ for myself, no one else. It gave so much of control back to myself.

    Anika, I feel you, I understand you, I have gone through hell with bad past n bad people n similar path as yourself. I still have people around who jumps at any moment to insult or shame at any given opportunity (they will do so regardless of a job, money, beauty, fitness, marriage, anything). But trust me when I tell you that only YOU can change this. Worthiness is in you. No job, no money, no studies, no nothing can change this. (Were our mothers, grand mothers, great great grand mothers not worthy without any job / money/ career - I have seen women who are iron ladies with no Job, money, exposure or education).
    Your mind is thinking that a job is a solution, it is not, not for this problem. People aren’t going to change their behaviour towards you, they will only find a different problem for you to tackle. So Your mind is the solution. You have lived 40 years carrying them, live the next carrying yourself.

    I dono whether you are in the right mindset to understand what I am saying. If not now, one day you will realize. Till then no good advises, solutions or anything positive can get through to you easily. But if I turn back n say ‘you suck’, that will hit you stronger as it’s your own mind that’s blocking the path. So YOU choose. Or else you will be posting the exact same thing in another 10 years as well.

    On another note, I dono whether you are seeing your blessing even in this very post. The passion n concern that our IL’tes are showing to you to genuinely help you change for the good. The amount of positivity, love and support that is shown here though it’s an online forum. This is also your blessing Anika. If YOU choose to see.
     
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2020
    shravs3, SunPa, anika987 and 5 others like this.

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