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Fuming Today....:(

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by anika987, Jan 2, 2020.

  1. Roar

    Roar Gold IL'ite

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    THIS ^
     
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  2. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Finest Post Winner

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    @anika987
    Is this job related to your field? Match your certifications & courses?
    Most importantly are you really interested?
    If yes - Go and work hard up the ladder.

    Ask your self will this job give satisfaction? Or leave you perpelxed with over whelming of not bonding with child , rough times at home?

    Considering the commute, child care expenses
    Look for a home based Job, include stock broking, taking franchise of any after school programs which runs only 2.30 pm to 6.30 pm.
    You can be the boss and flexible time.

    Don't ever think about relatives they are only to blame, critize, belittle and compare from kindergarten school ratings, college courses, wedding, house, car then your child thier school college etc
    No one will give you a penny when in need.
    Don't believe in what they say, they say it cover up their ego or give boost to their children.
    Forget them
    During family meet up greet and don't engage in deep conversations. No use really we only share similar DNA nothing else.

    I got a good job in top IT firm, got onsite within 2 yrs. One of my uncle passed a comment says it's easy. See my son will get much better pay since he is doing MS. They can't be happy if your happy.

    Now I'm a SHAM I don't give a **it when someone ask me what you at home? Whole day.
    Live your life
     
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2020
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  3. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    I regret and beat myself constantly as to why I never worked hard in studies and put my full capacity.I keep berating myself saying on and off” I was very good in studies!How can I let family issues take over my emotional health and screw up myself!”..but I was just 10 years old....

    Joint family is a nightmare.Constantly living with other relatives who compared with their kids and teased..


    The bullying is something am finding it tough to overcome..Many many instances..

    One incident is to be humiliated in front of the entire school by the principal and he made sure I did not forget it until left 12th.Another one was my teacher ways called me with the number nine.In college, a girl used to blackmail me to come out with her boyfriends for places as she did not want to go alone(long story as to why) the boys constantly called me donkey,ugly..I was 18.Many other things from 6th grade till college..I was too soft and a people pleaser coz I was scared.I was very very scared.I am not stupid,am not dumb,am not lazy in any angle!!! I want to scream this loud!!!!!!!

    I want the same eyes which were looking at me in disdain to look at me in pride.

    money = work.
    That’s the problem:(

    I cannot help but berate myself as to why I did not study hard and got into IT and did some job.
    I want a job coz I have the peer pressure. I want to prove to myself “I am not dumb/stupid”.My husband has always been supportive,financial freedomtive of me.This job thing is irritating him.He seriously doesn’t care but is supportive if I want to though but according to him now is not the right time as he has a lot to Prove in his career and he wants me to take home responsibility.he had a major job change last year.

    Job is also just to prove..myself/others that am worthy.I am also Productive.

    Also, when people ask me “What do I do”..it is tough saying “Am a homemaker/housewife”.They just don’t understand.If I had some job..I can shut their mouth.
     
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2020
  4. CuteCancer

    CuteCancer Silver IL'ite

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    @anika987 : The above incidents do not say that your are stupid. They just show that you had the misfortune to deal with bad people when you were vulnerable.

    Excelling in studies does not equal intelligence. There are people who are academically strong but are dumb in everything else.

    Being a people pleaser you expect people to lookup with pride just because you work, but it does not work like that.

    If you get work, people who treat you with disdain will never appreciate your achievements instead they would get jealous and try to find faults. So stop trying to please them. Its an impossible task.

    If you want to take up a job to prove yourself that you worthy, then take the challenge of finding a work which will you enjoy doing best within the constraints you are placed in. IT is not the only job in the world. If you love cooking you could do something related to it. start a food blog. Or take up any hobby and develop it into career. Interested in music/yoga ? attend or start a class based on your abilities.
     
  5. Roar

    Roar Gold IL'ite

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    Relax.

    You have been shunned out so many time that your only goal in life is validation; from yourself and others. You feel until you prove intellectually worthy, you are nothing.

    Like 8kittens said, being intelligent and smart comes in many many ways; IT salary and writing code is not the highest holy grail of life.Yes, its one of the good tools but NOT the ONLY one. I am in IT and I know what I am telling you. Its called self worth for a reason.

    Yes, a diversion may help you: may it be a hobby, self employment or an IT job or just some social volunteering(its usually non-paycheck but not ANY less of a deed)

    -First try to just be mindful on how your insecurity is building a wall around you. Else, it will be directionless jump in the abyss.

    -Take a step in any direction that you feel you enjoy; no pressure just for your own good and peace.

    - One step again, step by step. Look back and feel good that you are two steps ahead than yourself two days ago. The competition is not between you and others; its between the past you and the present you.

    Don't hurry. That you have to show someone or yourself that you are worthy. When you cook long, you get a perfect dish right, just that way.

    Don't write away the life you got; its pretty good actually if you ACTUALLY think about it.
     
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2020
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  6. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    I understand your have some traumas and emotional baggage to deal with that’s why you feel the need to have a good job just to impress people and stop them from belittling you...
    First of all..that’s impossible...
    When I was working people would say, that I’m not giving attention to household commitments..now I’m housewife either people say that I’m wasting my education ,or not capable of having job...
    When I was very slim earlier people would tell me to eat properly and put on weight, they would ask sarcastically if I have some health problem to be that thin...now I’m overweight due to health issues, and people say I’m not as slim as I wasn’t earlier!do they know what problems im facing? No
    See, those who are married and yet to have kids kids will be forced to TTC ..after having one kid they’ll force for second time TTC..will anyone help or support you? No!

    FYI I have lots of emotional baggage...being bullied for being overweight , wearing spectacles, being introvert, being bookish, mercilessly ignored and sidelined and ill treated by teachers, being humiliated by the “ hot girls “ in school who could eat all they wanted And still Be stick thin, and the attractive guys who wouldn’t give me a second look or even have a proper conversation with me as they dint think I was worth...
    I had a crush on a guy in my class...I dint tell anyone but one girl from one of the popular gang found out and told everyone and made a public embarrassment of me..
    Thankfully I moved on and used the taunts as a strength and motivation to excel and improve myself...
    FYI, those thin girls who were pretty and stuck thin in mid and high school are now pretty much overweight, bloated and homely types now...and most of those attractive guys are henpecked husbands who have developed beer bellies since their mid twenties itself...! Hehe...
    Time moves on...
    You’re older and more mature than me...why can’t you overcome emotional baggage.? Can you let those people rule my life?
     
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  7. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    Hello, Anika .One of my aunt is taking Online Tuition for maths and science. Try online tuitions , there are various opportunities in this. Best wishes .
     
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  8. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    Am not qualified or very good in math and science.As I said,academically I do not have much qualifications.

    I tried for English but was asked some tofel,GRE scores for online.
     
  9. Mehana

    Mehana Platinum IL'ite

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    This is your problem. Why you always find something you are not good at or you think I cannot do it. Think about yourself which one you think you do with enjoyment or you like to do or you are very good at???

    Always develop the skill if you are good at something. As others said if you are good at painting or cooking ...try YouTube channel or try to do catering etc..

    Overall I feel all your posts shows you don't no how to deal others or you make yourself low infrony of someone and you always think that is better than this....nothing is better than what you have right now in your life...

    If you feel you need to do some courses there are soany online courses or morning clasdcl available you can go ahead when your kid is in school...

    One of my friend ( I met her on 2011) doesn't no english as she didn't do school in India. Very basic english she knows like answering yes and no...very basic...her kids are in 3rd and 4th grade. She struggled with kid's academic as she doesn't no some of the english words....but now I met her in feburary 2019...she does glass painting at home, finished some English courses and she started gardening now...got driver license...I was so happy for her..FYI both of her kids are high functioning autistic...she does most of the therapy goals for them...

    Develop yourself instead blaming someone ...you are so good in writing..start something blog or anything you know..more than that be happy what you got and be positive..
     
  10. mangaii

    mangaii Platinum IL'ite

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    Idle mind is devils advocate . Your daughter is going to be 10 soon. You have financial freedom but you refuse to work on your issues . Looks like you are on self pitying mode. Nobody can help you unless you want to help yourself. You really need to take this job to keep yourself from self wallowing . Have you ever worked on any suggestions that were provided earlier for similar threads ? You are neither motivated to work nor let your past go . All your threads about employment start with some offer then divert to husband not providing support and end with some random people mocking you and then how you were bullied . You are not going to break this cycle at all if you are in self pity mode . Move forward in your life . Your husband seems to be making good money so what is stopping you from seeing a therapist to work on your issues . Looks like the online community help is not helping you anymore since you come back with same set of issues again and again and again. It is time you let go your past and enjoy the present and work towards your future .
     
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