Fuming Right Now!

BeautifulSmile · Mar 21, 2024

Married (love marriage, inter cast) to this family for close to 18 years, knowing MIL and SILs very well. Its always a struggle for me and as well as in laws family to not meeting their expectations. Very very conservative family. Sitting on a chair in front of FIL/ MIL/SIL is a crime, you should be on ground. Wearing nighty is a crime, night dress (like pant and T shirt) forget about it. like this 1000s. I always trying to push myself but neither they are happy nor I am, because per that them still not meeting and I am not respecting. Where as me going above and beyond. I am very spoft spoken, never ever opened my mouth to argue or to say anything to them. Husband is a good person, he always tries to stand with me, because he knows my efforts. Again he is not the one tolerates if I misbehave. Lot of friend's parents and in laws around us. EVERYONE likes me, saying you are humble and soft spoken. Again I am not their daughter in law so they all like me but my own mother looks at me like a creature. Now they will land in few hours, I am stuck WFH lot of things are runnign in my brain. 6 months back our visit to India, how they treated me or how they talked about me in my back without knowing I am there sometimes, knowing I am there sometimes, etc. I always wanted them with my wholehearted but this time I am feeling so much anger inside me. I am just scared I may talk back this time. I didnt think after this visit they will ever visit us, rather we are considering to move back after 2-3 years just for them. This anger inside me giving me tears, shiver, not able to smile. I am feeling so wrong. I used to feel guilty to feel this way in the past but not anymore.

Thoughtful · Mar 21, 2024

You will be the only one who will stand up for you. Everyone has vested interest no matter how good they are.

Divyasaravanan · Mar 22, 2024

Even after achieving so much professionaly and personally and even after 18 years of marriage, this is a sad reality. I also go thru similar issues in in laws place. I have no clue whether to let it slide or talk back!!! Since its only for a few days, I just keep quite to maintain sanity in life!
Dont even think of moving back to India if you want peace in your life, thats what I would say.

abcd5 · Mar 22, 2024

I went through the same experience. When my sister-in-law's husband was sitting in the living room, I sat in another chair far away. Immediately, my father-in-law got pissed off and went inside the kitchen. He called me and told me I should not sit when he sits. At that time, I couldn't stand up for myself. Later, when they visited us while I was pregnant, they mentally abused me. I don't think we all can live under one roof, so after that, they didn't visit us again. If you don't stand up for yourself, nobody else will.

DDream · Mar 22, 2024

Only you can standup for you. How you do it with grace is a problem which you have to solve yourself. If you dont want to move back be firm or atleast have a separate living arrangement so that you don't have to sit on the floor. Surprised to know that these kind of customs still exist. If you don't stand for you and kids, who will do that you?

I remembered a scene from a short film ( ' juice' starring Shafali shaw in youtube) when I read your sitting arrangement in PILs place, even though the context is slightly different .

Always remember, its not about you or not because of you, they treat you this way, its them and they are pathetic. Try not to take these to heart, deal it in a professional way, while standing up for you. You can always say this is what I like or prefer. You can completely stop sitting on the floor forever. Find a place with a chair to sit. Or just walk away if they demand it or whatever works for you. Dont allow anyone to sit on your head. Define the boundary well through actions than words.

mangaii · Mar 23, 2024

Looks like you are having anxiety . Keep a calm mind . Everything will be ok . If not vent here we are here to listen . Im sharing my own funny experience with these no sense rules. In my in-laws house no women can eat before men. My husband knowing that I’m an early riser and needs food really early sneaked some snacks inside our dress bags . I usually sneak to terrace and eat before the day starts . One day my sil who should probably work in FBI came to terrace and since my husband was also with me he started acting like I was feeding him snacks in the morning. I still remember that scene . These in-laws and their stupid rules . I wish these women would allow us to live our lives happily . They put so many useless rules .