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Frustrated with MIL

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by rimiritu, Apr 18, 2010.

  1. rimiritu

    rimiritu New IL'ite

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    Dear IL,

    I feel better after writing in this forum. All my girlfriends advice are very useful. I have been ignoring my m-i-l and i think she knows that also. So I am not a good DIL for her now and i am sure that she is regreting having me as her DIL because i am not the type of DIL that she wants. hmmmmmmmmmmmmm she will not invlove me much in any family conversation but when she want to boost about herself and her side of family she wants me to listen....She think she is the best mother on earth
    I am trying to stay as calm as i can.

    I try not to bother my DH much in certain issue untill unless i feel that i cannot handle. With God blessing my DH is very supportive and he knows that how his mother is but in the end of the day she is his mother.....how much i can go and tell DH that yr mother like this yr mother like that.....

    Things still happen but i try not to bother........ I don't want to bother DH much now I want to build a very very strong relationship with him but m-i-l hates it when DH share more things with me rather than her...i have been reading alot of post lately and all the post said to build a good bond with DH in this initial stage.

    But gals when you ignore yr m-i-l do you find it frustrating by having her present around you.... because i really do sometimes i don't feel like going for family dinner with couson or with other relative while having her around she will try to make herself the goddess doing this doing that.....for every single thing she will boost... in every conversation she will make everyone feel that without her things will not run smoothly.

    She will not like if any kids play with me.....she does not want anyone in my inlaw extended family to be close to me esp. the kids she will have to interfere and have to know each and single things happen....I when with m-i-l to her couson house and all the kids wanted to play with me when she saw all the kids were close to me and didn't wanted to play with her she made faces she felt less important she try so much playing with them and try to pull them towards her but it was not successful then her face was like....goshhhhhhhh

    Now anywhere we go togather she will have to look better then me. Many times she took me to temple or just meeting some of her friends they will compliments me and she can't take it. It's normal human behavior that newly wedded girl will get compliments by everyone but arrrggggghhhhhh

    BUT the thing i hate the most for now is when she call my DH shoona.....because i call him that....and it is soooooo annoying when i hear it from her arrrrgggghhhh arrrrgggghhhhh and she will serve food for my DH which i hate also in the beginning i use to do then suddenly she
    will say i put for you okkk i put for you okkk....i try not to bother but once in a while i get frustrated well i am human tooo....

    I know it is normal that m-i-l will try to find fault on me towards my DH for example like when it is raining but he has raincoat i told him to take the car he said no problem i will take the bike....okk fine i am not the forcing type of person he is already grown up he knows what is best for him....then when m-i-l ask he went by bike should tell him to take the car...see it is raining by poor boy.... ya 30+++ man and it is just a rain....ohhh god it will not harm him there are many other things that she will say to hurt me she will make me feel that i never take care of my DH....this feeling is very irrating and make me very upset i love my DH very much and i try my very best to take care of him..... because of her
    i dont cook much for my DH.....she make faces when i enter her kitchen....

    Another annoying thing is that....now i am looking for a job she is trying to be the goddess in helping me find one....but she will find only low salary low position job for me i was G.M before marrying her son and she is finding a receptionist and clerk job for me......can't she think that i am
    a graduate she knows that also....she will call to other uncles and aunties and will say any job will do receptionist also can....i hold a degree in business mamagement but she will tell to everyone that i am not a professional....well i am not having a professional skill like lawyer,
    accountants or doctors.....just to make her happy i went to apply the job and they did not employ me because they said i was over qualify i should find a job of a higher post when i told her this her face was like upset but when people ask why she did not get this job she will say she is not
    professional enough .....ya not professional enough to be a receptionist .... in the middle of the conversation with the aunties i told that i was over qualify....FULL STOP end of story...i didn't care what will m-i-l think....she will always discourage me by saying that you will not get the job and the salary that you use to get....

    For her son she will be every concern for his diet (my bil) he is slightly big she wants him to exercise she will give all the important reason that it might affect your heart other parts of the body etc.etc.. but when it come to me....never mind she say i can still gain....ohhh please i have
    already gain unnecessary weight which i want to remove ....the point is bil must reduce because of his health but me never mind....i have to gain to make her happy and any sickness or my health is NO big deal for her... i know i know i should put a full stop but then she doesent understand when i say i don't want or when i say NO

    I really want to go back to my mother and release all the tense and stress but then so scared don't want to leave my DH alone with m-i-l......now it is not the right time to leave him

    Thank you soooooo sooooooo much to read such a long long post.......needed a friend to share and to talk toooo and IL is the best place.....

    Love to all
     
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  2. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    Your MIL can be annoying no doubt. But here is a suggestion so you can be peaceful: Focus your energy and time on DH. He seems to be a good guy, and focus on him.
     
  3. shrutidunwoody

    shrutidunwoody Bronze IL'ite

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    I can understand your frustration rimi but some mil's are very possessive about their son so you just remain cool and try not to get frustrated in front of her. If she serves something to your dh , you also serve. Since your dh is supportive towards you, you need not worry much. If she does not like kids playing with you than thats her problem not yours. Just ignore her. And dear dont consider yourself as a bad dil . For inlaws , how much you behave good still they dont consider dil as good.
     
  4. monita

    monita Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Rimiritu,
    I think what you need is some time away from your MIL. Take you DH and go away for a holiday:thumbsup. The best solution for your MIL kind of people is to ignore. But it is indeed still very annoying to have them around as they keep trying to make their presence felt.
    I think my MIL is an identical twin of yours in spirit.
    whenever, I say something to my husband, she would repeat it after a few minutes; like it was her original idea.Makes irritating comments all the time.
    Another idea that sometimes works is be overly nice to her. Ignore her comments about you and your DH like she didn't say anything at all and show how concerned you are about her.Immediately ask her if she need something. If you can get her something to eat or drink or keep her warm etc. The munnabhai approach:thumbsupYou know, this is something she can't complain about.And It will make you feel good, trust me.
     
  5. smitha1987

    smitha1987 New IL'ite

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    Hi,
    Join the club.....what ur MIL does is very silly....but sometimes when we ourselves are goin through hell for some other reason,such unwanted behaviours will provoke us badly.....so take it with a chill pil and opt this method if u want to

    If u make her sit down and tell her that what shes doin is hurting u...do u think shel listen??????????...if she has so much patience then she wouldn have done all these in the first place....so u going n discussin with her will not work out......

    To stop all this u have to make others talk for u...u don do the talkin...

    If ur DH is very supportive...if u think u can tell him each n everything then go ahead dear...tell him wat u feel...afterall u just want take care of him...ur just a new bride....its not a big mistake of not knowin cooking...ur hubby will enjoy ur experimental food than his mommy's pakka food....
    If ur DH supports for u once in a while for some issues(NOT ALL :)) ur MIL will understand that if she fights with u she might loose her son and will stop all this nonsense....
    So look out any special anniversary day...may be anniversary of when u first met ur hubby or something like that.

    so get a easy recipe from ur mommy / friend...tell ur MIL that u wanna cook for him tonite...if she says a big NOOOOOOOOo...then do this...look out for a day when everyone are available in the house...ur hubby as well....n tell it in front of ur hubby itslef that today u wanna cook......If she agin says no...tell ur hubby
    that u wanted to cook just celeb the spl occasion...since its very spl to both of u alone....hel defnitely understand n tell his mom.....initially she'll shout ....don worry ...don cry..or get upset....jus be cool....even if she makes a fuss out of it....jus don care...walk in n cook the food.....

    Same thing applies to all the other issues as well...stay always happy darling....keep on smiling with ur hubby.....give hime spl gifts...u live ur life...but when she irritates u...jus keep quiet and remain silent ...don talk to any1....let other family member including ur hubby understand the difference in u when ur happy n when ur MIL hurts u.......Then u need not talk....others vl start talking 4 u....ur MIL vl then stop all this

    the best way to irritate them is to keep quiet......don talk to her at all for some days......shel get irritated as to why u don
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 15, 2011

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