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From The Thread Narcissistic Spouse... To Here.... Pls. Guide!

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by liberatedpearl, Mar 5, 2020.

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  1. Mar 6, 2020 #11
    liberatedpearl

    liberatedpearl Senior IL'ite

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    Thank you dearies.... I am feeling better reading all your views.

    Dear DD - you wrote & suggested - "Good that you have job, manage your finance yourself, have your own bank account (don't give you money to dh. Why you have financial issue?)

    The issue is we are new here and so are in financial crux. We are hardly meeting up our monthly expenses. Whatever I am getting in hand is just a small help to run the house and so I am happily contributing. Back in India, we were holding a joint account wherein after huge fights, we mutually discussed that he is going to take care of all the expenses and I am going to put all my salary in joint account as savings. This system was up and running till we moved here and those savings are all zero now.

    I am on work permit and waiting for the PR, till then there is no major scope of switching job. I have to manage with whatever is in hand. I cannot think of not contributing and keeping it to me as per current situation.

    Why I am thinking of going back is :
    Better job opportunity
    Family support
    Able to take control of my life in a better way (which does not seems possible here).

    I am not thinking of cutting my ties with my ILs - rather i am looking forward to stay with them only. As I mentioned, they have no problem with me and I have adjusted myself as per their craft.

    Kids can visit their father during summer vacations and H can visit them at his ease.... video connectivity is there without mention. Kids will with be with growing with their grand parents, bua, mamu, nani and cousins.

    Right now, its very important for me to decide which way to settle.

    What do you think on above? Kindly suggest.
     
    liberatedpearl, Mar 6, 2020
    liberatedpearl, Mar 6, 2020
    #11
    Thyagarajan likes this.
  2. Mar 6, 2020 #12
    DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    I didn't say you should not contribute. What I said was to manage your salary by yourself and have your own account. If you are earning for example 40% of total salary, contribute to atleast 40% of expenses by your salary. It's just ideal situation I am talking about. I thought you should need financial independence if you decide to separate, in that case joint account wont work well.

    You know your life better, so take decision that's best for you and kids. You are the best judge. You have moved here in the hope giving good life to your kids. It is natural to have struggle in the beginning. But if you go back, all your efforts to get PR will be delayed. I think it will be tough for your kids too to adjust back with the indian educational system. I think your kids future and your future is important than the relationship with the extended family or relatives. You can use video chat to connect with them. Kids need both of you at this stage. So moving away from their father is not good in my view. Anyway, you can decide what you want. Did you talk to your dh about your intentions to move back? Will he agree. You can't take kids to India without his permission. Good luck.
     
    Last edited: Mar 6, 2020
    DDream, Mar 6, 2020
    DDream, Mar 6, 2020
    #12
    Thyagarajan likes this.
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