You dont want to quit your marriage. So you need to accept that you can't change him. Sorry to say that if you continue to think like this, it can result in hatred and resentments which is not good for you . Like others said above your dh know that you will come around. You need to break that confidence. Your current emotional turmoil is due to disappointments. Deep inside, you are not able to forgive yourself for being in this situation. You are financially sound and has a job. Thats a great blessing. Why dont you outsource your household jobs. Dont give any importance to any tantrums from your DH. If he dont like it ask him to do it. Plan well and do whatever you can. Lower your expectations from him. Instead of worrying about how to change him, think about how to live your life to fullest. Completely ignore his tantrums and do what you want. If he dont care about your happiness why should you. Dont yield to things you dont like. Focus on what you have and try to improve it including your career, retirement, financial plans. I feel talking to a therapist can help you. If so ask about EAP, they offer free sessions as you are employed . You cannot reverse the past, so focus on your present and future. Talk less and focus on action. At the same time you should communicate what you want in an assertive way. Stop asking for permissions. If he comes around that's great , if not you get an idea on how to proceed. Try to find happiness in you instead of linking it to him. Be optimistic.