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Friends with the opposite gender after Marriage

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Marvan, Jul 13, 2010.

  1. Marvan

    Marvan New IL'ite

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    Hello,

    This is my first post. I see that lot of good, practical advices/explanations are being offered for various situations on this forum.

    I would want to know from you whether it is appropriate for married people to continue to have the same level of friendship with the opposite sex?.
    Or, do we have to tone down the level of details discussed/commented/opinions exchanged with these friends?.
    Is there anything strictly off limits in such situations?
     
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  2. fudge

    fudge Senior IL'ite

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    Ofcourse yes!! You can be friends with the opposite sex even after marriage and yea you can maintain the same level of friendship with the opposite sex. If there is something strictly off limit you wont be doing it with friends of the same sex too right..To me friends are friends..I dont see a gender difference in that.
     
  3. mapleleaf

    mapleleaf Silver IL'ite

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    Toning down friendship with a person of the opposite sex after marriage depends on what level of friendship existed before.
    There are certainly some things that would be totally inappropriate, like calling each other at ungodly hours and chit-chatting away (unless there is a life-crisis and the friend needs help calling at late hours is a strict no-no). Sharing private converstions between couple is also IMO not appropriate however close you maybe to your friend. Every married couple have misunderstandings/ difference of opinions/ small tiffs, it is very unwise to run to the opposite sex friend when something like that happens between the married couple. Investing emotionally in somebody else other than spouse IMO is strictly a mistake.
    Basically i think maintaing a healthy distance between friends giving respect to each others privacy will result in a more long-lasting relationship, ofcourse it has to be reciprocrated by the friend too inorder for it to work. And anytime you find the friend intruding into the private space of marriage you should be brave enough to shoo them off.
     
  4. tuliplady

    tuliplady Gold IL'ite

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    That should hold true with even friends of the same sex.
     
  5. tuliplady

    tuliplady Gold IL'ite

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    I have always had more of male friends and I share a comfortable equation with them. While their spouses also do so with me. I believe in maintaining some distance with respect to what I share. My DH is also very comfortable with them and we do meet up frequently.

    IMO, one cannot forego of their male friends/female friends in case of men, just because you got married. Of course, the frequency of conversation is not as much as it was previously. And when we call each other, we always ask 'is it a good time to talk". My relationship with them is not very formal and to some extent I did not have to make major compromises, simply because of an understanding DH. I am not sure how it would have been if my DH disliked either of them, which thankfully is not the case.
     
  6. Marvan

    Marvan New IL'ite

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    Thanks all for the replies....

    What do you feel is the off limit things that should not be discussed with friends of opposite sex?
    Please give some examples, so that I can make a judgement of such things if that situation arises...

    Thanks
     
  7. RadiantCat

    RadiantCat Gold IL'ite

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    Fudge has summarized it well. You talk whatever is appropriate and is well within the boundaries of friendship. This is subjective.
     
  8. madeinengland

    madeinengland New IL'ite

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    Marvan,
    there are no hard and fast rules.

    Personally, I would not discuss things to do with intimacy within my relationship but this is something I wouldn't discuss with female friends either. Apart from that example, I don't think there is anything that is completely off the table for me. It would depend on the situation. If a male friend was asking advice on a relationship problem and I had a relevant example from my own experience to help him then I would be willing to share this in confidence.
    I don't see why conversation topics should be off limits with the opposite sex just because you are now married. I treat my female friends and my male friends the same.
     
  9. fudge

    fudge Senior IL'ite

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    Hi, As everyone clearly put it we can never give point by point on what can be discussed with friends and what shouldnt be. But as a layman rule - If you think you want to hide something from your partner that you share with your friend(be it any sex) out of fear that your partner might not approve it then it is not right.
     

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