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Friends Visited -is It My Mistake

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Vedhavalli, Jun 28, 2020.

  1. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    My husband's friend a guy visited Friday night stayed for 2 hours. He came to neighborhood, to visit another friend, seems this person got cabin fever. Visited us next for 2 hours.

    I opened the door, I thought they would meet outside and social distancing. As I opened the door the friend walked in , my DH told him to s come & sit. I was in real shock. DH wasn't getting the clue from I was telling him.
    After the friend left,
    My husband is scolding me for opening the door. Is it my mistake that he couldn't say "let's meet outside or don't come in because we are cautious of virus". He was the person who said come in & sit.

    Now I don't understand why he is angry saying if you hadn't open the door he won't come. I knew he is coming , how do I know if he is going to come inside.
    If it's my friend I can tell anything. My friends are not stupids to go around in middle of pandemic.
    I'm in terrible shock as well panicking. That guy was stupid enough to meet others. I
    feel I'm stupid enough not to tell don't come in.
    I think it's my husband who should have said that. But now dh is blaming me for opening the door wide.
    I'm annoyed with this. We both had a big verbal argument because of this. I clearly gave points 1) your friend
    2) you should have told him let's meet outside
    3) when he attempted to come in you should have told him not to come
    What should I do, how to make dh understand that it was his friend not mine. I opened the door was the only mistake he is hanging on.
     
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  2. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Try to avoid in future. If you must invite someone in make sure you’re all wearing masks. It looks like your husband realized he made a mistake and is trying to rationalize it by blaming you. If someone you know comes to your door how are you going to avoid opening it? Better to be direct.
    Everyone has different ideas of risk tolerance. However there is no shame nowadays in saying that these are our rules and please follow them. If people get offended that’s their issue.
     
    Mistt, Vedhavalli and blindpup10 like this.
  3. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    My friend came to visit & say hi. She was in car i was 4 feet away said hi talked for 10 min. I clearly briefed im not letting anyone come in.
    I can be direct with my friends. The issue is his friends.
    Thanks I'm going to tell my DH meet your friends out that in 6 ft distance. No chai/pani entertainment center.
     
  4. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    I think both of you were too dazed to react.. your husband didn’t treat situation appropriately.not your fault...
    Next time, let DH open door, smile and point towards and invite friend to common area outside house and close door behind him while leaving..or better tell friend over phone to meet outside in common area directly rather than home...quite simple..they can walk and talk while maintaining social distance...
    He can just keep it simple and smile and say..” in normal circumstances I’d have invited you in...but due to Covid pandemic my wife is in isolation”.. any sensible guy will co operate and not take it in wrong way..
    By the way it was so irresponsible of him to visit your home after visiting another guy with fever..
     
  5. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    Is your husband blaming you for opening the door at all or for opening the door wide? Not that it matters.. just asking. : )

    1. We all end up surprised at times. Instantly, we don't know how to react and err on the side of not offending others. So, the friend entering the house falls under "happens." But, he need not have been entertained for 2 hours. After a few minutes, if husband is not going out by himself, you can go and casually tell them to go out and continue. If this also results in an argument later, at least it will be after some gain.

    2. Arguments like this one will always happen and more so in these times. After some years of being married, it is a good skill to learn how to move on from an argument without agreeing who was wrong. I try to end such arguments (and we have so many, so loudly, with kids around), with a "OK, in the future, I will ..., and you ..." And then peace reigns till the next argument.

    ===
    You opened the door to his friend and now in June.. my friend opened the door to their gardener in March when shelter-in-place had just started. Her husband by habit stepped out to talk with the gardener on the driveway and see which sprinkler was leaking, and also by habit accepted the gardener's outstretched, un-gloved hand to shake. :lol: Friend's argument with husband later was epic. He blamed her for opening the door. She replied back, "It is your hand, attached to your body, which has a brain attached...does it.":lol: She was so furious at her husband, I could feel it in her whatsapp words and how fast they came. : )
     
  6. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    He visited another friend , but no one has fever.
    This guy lives alone family in India. So he is going to friends house randomly. No sense
     
  7. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks @Rihana in future will have in mind.
    I really wanted the person to go away. I kept giving ques like it's time for dinner, my child's bed time , I even started washing dishes.
    I can't blame the outsider. I got to blame my husband who thinks I shouldn't have open the door.
     
  8. Ramyarc

    Ramyarc Silver IL'ite

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    its a good practice to open the door with latch on (if you don't have outer door) so that you have time to react. you never know who can show up at such times. it's better to be careful.
    It was very irresponsible for that person anyways to show up at such time.
     
    Vedhavalli likes this.
  9. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    I stepped being cautious.
    Now for July 4th some friends & aquaitances had pot luck , parties. Every one of them has kids in elementary school age & below.
    I wonder how they are so confident about not getting infected?
    They painted me that I'm frightened person.
    I felt they are being wrong.
     
  10. startinganew

    startinganew Finest Post Winner

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    @Vedhavalli
    You're doing the right thing by continuing to be cautious. Irrespective of how your city is doing - in order to keep the numbers low for an extended period of time (and avoid another surge) - we all have to play our part.

    That's not right of them to not respect your choice. Please don't allow them to hurt or disrespect you - that's not what friends do.
    But for you, personally to understand their choice - we all need to justify our decisions, so unfortunately they want to justify to themselves that they are taking the right level of risk for their families and in the process are bringing you down. Sorry to hear this.
     
    candidheart likes this.

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